Why do people belittle others to make themselves feel better?

[maracuya]

Just venting here...

I am in my 40's and just started my pre-nursing classes in January 2012. Took my HESI-A2 this summer and scored an average of 99 on it. I've been burning all my neurons studying like crazy and have been able to maintain a 4.0 GPA - I do this to try to increase the probability that I am accepted to my school's nursing program. I've made so many sacrifices... I've missed out on outings with my husband and children because I've had to stay at home and study for exams and lab practicals, etc. I work very hard to do my best. I'm sure you all know what it's like when you really want it.

Anyway... I was sooo mad yesterday. There is this girl in my A&P class, who also happens to be in my Intro to Nursing class. We were getting ready to receive the results for our last exam in A&P and I've been working so hard that I always get the top grade. So the professor announced that only one person got 100 on the test. One girl tells the other "it was probably her", and then this girl says "it's because she is older and has more time to study". I was soooo mad. I didn't hear her, someone else told me what she said after class, so unfortunately I didn't get a chance to respond. But I felt like my efforts were being undermined. I guess at a conscious level I don't care what she thinks - but it just makes me so mad. People will say anything to justify themselves I guess. I mean, I know it would be so much easier for me if I would have done this back when I was 20, living at home, no kids, no responsibilities other than making good grades. What right does she have to belittle my effort? Plus... there are other people there, my age, with no jobs, that don't make the same grades I do.

Just so mad. Ok, venting done. Now to study.

[rubato, ASN, RN]

Nursing school is really hard when you're 20. 40 or 60. It just is. I'm 42 and feeling my age after 2 days in a row of clinicals. I don't sit down, go to the bathroom or get a drink for 6 hour stretches. Do I wish I had my 20 year old body back for that? Sure. But, I'm REALLY happy to have my 42 year old brain when it comes to problem solving and learning.

And, I'll gladly take my family responsibilities of taking care of kids, hubby and house over which party to go to this weekend (just my personal experience at 20).

[katiebear]

Someone who is 30, 40, 50, 60 knows what 22 feels like. That is fact. You do not know what 30, 40, 50, 60 feels like. That is also fact. You can explain it away and pretend that other contingencies are more important than the sheer unavoidable biological fact that people age and with age comes change, but that's not going to make it any less true.

Actually, all someone knows at any age above 20 is what THEY PERSONALLY dealt with as a 20 year old. Also fact. You can explain it away and pretend that other contingencies are important, but the sheer physical fact here is YOU are not ME, and no current 30/40/50/60/whatever year old is currently anyone else, either.

Hate to put it this way, but judging by age is similar to judging by skin color, hair color, gender or anything else you can attribute to someone. It's absolutely impossible for anyone to know someone else's story by knowing attributes.

Nursing school is tough, no matter how old you are. It's extremely stressful for everyone involved. Everyone's stress level and effort is just as valid as everyone else's. And as future nurses, one would HOPE that everyone can feel an appreciation for other individuals' struggles, and not judge them based on something like this. Door swings both ways.

[metal_m0nk, BSN, RN]

Actually, all someone knows at any age above 20 is what THEY PERSONALLY dealt with as a 20 year old. Also you can explain it away and pretend that other contingencies are important, but the sheer physical fact here is YOU are not ME, and no current 30/40/50/60/whatever year old is currently anyone else, either.

Hate to put it this way, but judging by age is similar to judging by skin color, hair color, gender or anything else you can attribute to someone. It's absolutely impossible for anyone to know someone else's story by knowing attributes.

Nursing school is tough, no matter how old you are. It's extremely stressful for everyone involved. Everyone's stress level and effort is just as valid as everyone else's. And as future nurses, one would HOPE that everyone can feel an appreciation for other individuals' struggles, and not judge them based on something like this. Door swings both ways.

Individualized experience only goes so far. Only rare situations account for drastic differences in the human experience. For example, unless you have been diagnosed with and had to manage some crippling or life threatening disease, then it is safe to say that most people have experienced sickness or more general/benign illness. We're not talking about extreme cases here. We're talking about the general human experience which, while we all like to think we're special snowflakes, in most cases, we're not. We go through much of the same things. The difference is, age and experience increases exposure to specific elements of the human experience 9 times out of 10, while simultaneously imposing the physiological limits of age. If you're in the 1%, then that's a separate discussion altogether and is not appropriate for this discussion. By the same token, a person twice your age has probably experienced all that you have and more, unless they have lived an incredibly sheltered life, in which case that is another extreme circumstance and not appropriate for this discussion. Fact.

Also, while it may be easy and tempting to throw around inflammatory and provocative ideas like discrimination on the basis skin color to make your point, it is not necessary and it is in bad taste. We all judge our world by our experiences and observations. There is nothing wrong with that. I don’t recall anyone here using those judgments in a way that was damaging or abusive or discriminatory. It is not abusive for someone to state that you don’t know something that you don’t know. That is an observation of fact. Not a hate crime.

[Nursing2102]

Zoe92 said it best.

[FMF Corpsman, MSN, RN]

One big difference from the ones with a little age on them from the ones that are a little less mature, they aren't quite so damn defensive. No one was putting anyone else down. That is one of the traits of the young as I recall, to quickly circle the wagons at the first sign of attack, no one is attacking anyone, all anyone is saying is that things normally change as we get older. We take on more responsibilities, we marry, have children, as in our many of our cases, we go back to school. Some even have second jobs on top of that or even second families or additional military obligations. As we age, the demands on us increase. With those families come houses and cars which also bring financial obligations, if we have older children they need clothing and medical care, dental, school cost, etc. If they are in college, even more so. If we are single parents, the list goes on. You are 20 years old. No one was attacking you, but we have study for those exams as well.