What do you say to brokenhearted parents?

Jules A, MSN · Nov 5, 2008

Julie,

This really isn't an appropriate position for a nursing student, imo. No way would I leave grieving parents that just got this diagnosis with a student. I guess if you are in this situation I'd suggest just listening to them and letting them vent. There are no answers to those questions and they know that deep down.

Julie Reyes, DNP, RN · Nov 5, 2008

Oh! I should have made that more clear! It is a question on a paper - I guess it is a "what would you say if" sort of question.

Thanks for your quick response though!!!

AngelaC · Nov 5, 2008

As a non-believer, I have a difficult time with that type of question also. I think what I would say would be something along the lines of "I'm so sorry you've found yourselves in this position. I'm not sure why he does all the things he does but he also gives us great medicine to help with these types of problems."

I don't know if this is appropriate, but it seems like a good start. You're validating their question, you're not promising a cure, but pointing out that you're there to help.

queenjean · Nov 5, 2008

"Would you like to speak to the hospital chaplain?"

"Would you like me to sit with you for a while?"--and then *listen* don't talk.

Basically you want to provide them the opportunity to talk--they aren't looking for answers, they want to express themselves.

So, those would be my answers if I were submitting it for a grade. In reality, if a pt asks me that, I usually stop what I'm doing, touch them (like lay my hand on their arm, etc), look them in the eye and say something like "I don't know why. I wish I had the answers you want, but I just don't know. I'm so sorry."

I try to prompt them to talk. Sometimes I find that, even when they ask questions, if I just keep quiet for a moment, they will start talking without any prompting from me. Sometimes I'll try to ask very vague, open ended questions to get them going. If they need more from me than I am capable of providing, I offer to page the chaplain or their own personal spiritual leader (priest, pastor, whomever).

llg, PhD, RN · Nov 5, 2008

I have worked with lots of parents who are finding out terrible news about their children -- and I am told by my colleagues that I have done a good job.

I'm a nurse -- not their spiritual advisor. It's not my job to give them an answer to their spiritual crisis. I recommend saying things such as:

I don't know. I don't know why these things happen.

Is there someone you would like me to call for you? Would you like me to call one of your family members? Would you like me to call one of our hospital chaplains? etc.

While I can't answer your question, we are here to help you and your son/daughter. Is there something that you would like me to do for you now? Do you need to take a break before .... ? Are you going to be OK to drive home? etc.

When working with people in crisis, it is often helpful to focus their attention on the immediate future and concrete things things they need to do now -- rather than have them wander through thoughts of a vague terrible future that may or may not happen.

I suggest you do a literature on helping people to deal with a crisis. Try using key words like "Crisis intervention" to help you locate some good articles on the topic. There have been some good articles published over the years that can probably be of great help to you for this assignment.

Julie Reyes, DNP, RN · Nov 6, 2008

WOW! What a great help ya'll have been! Thank you all so much! While I am a practicing believer in God, I still have never been able to figure out the reason WHY he does stuff, but personally I know and find comfort in that He can see all things and is always in control. However, in any situation I would not want to 'preach' or push my beliefs on anyone.... I am a huge fan of the quote "a time and a place for everything!"

I think your guidance and suggestions will definately help me form a caring and compassionate answer, and give guidance to a family that is in a horrible situation.

Thanks to all! Julie

dinah77, ADN · Nov 6, 2008

I agree with what queenjean posted- it is the best response

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Nov 6, 2008

Great advice from all.

Obviously, in this situation, the family member isn't really expecting an answer from you - this is a rhetorical question that expresses his reaction to the news. In the 'olden days' (when the Earth's crust was cooling), we were inculcated (love that word) with therapeutic communication techniques... such as centering on the patient family with a responses like

"I am so sorry you are having to go through this"

and then just allowing them to express their grief. Of course, asking them if they would like you to contact their spiritual advisor or other family/support person is always correct.

Natingale, EdD, RN · Nov 6, 2008

This is a communication question where youre supposed to reflect back what the family member said "you seem upset at.." or something to that effect

There should be a whole chapter on communication in your textbook with responses you could give. False reassurance "you'll be ok" or "I know what you mean" are no no ...even saying "Im sorry" ..the point is to be therapeutic and allow the patient/family member to open up to you.