Stressed Out, Last Semester, Home Problems

[HenrySD]

Hi everybody, my name's Henry. I frequent these forums but never really post. I've been extremely stressed out lately, but for reasons not related to school. Although I feel if it continues, it'll severely cut into my academics.

I'm a nursing student in San Diego going into my last semester, Cardiopulmonary. School starts in about a month and I haven't been able to even open my summer book. There has been a lot of drama at home and I can feel it taking a toll on me.

My grandma, who is 84 now has progressively declined throughout the years, especially these past couple of months. After my grandpa passed away, she went into a state of depression. She refused to go out, became really bitter and was a danger to herself and us (She almost burned down the house a couple of times; We've had to hide our knives because she's threatened us before). Last year, she started perking up but not what you'd expect. She began taking to people who weren't there. She claimed they were gods, ghosts, angels, what have it. We brought her to the doctor but he claimed it was a case of dementia, which I thought was strange... It seems hinting toward Schizophrenia... but what do I know.

Anyhow, these past couple of months, she's gotten worst. She talks to an upward of 10 different personalities, all of them telling her that we're trying to harm her and poison her. She doesn't eat, drink, or take her meds. She'd ramble on all night to herself and refuse to sleep until she passed out from exhaustion. She refuses to go to the hospital. It's gotten so bad that she'd ask us a question and then immediately answer it herself.

We're taking shifts trying to care for her but I know everyone in the family is exhausted. I'm really afraid I won't be able to do well my last semester because of all this. My internal family dynamic is cracking and everyone is at one another throats'. I really want to succeed but it's growing increasingly difficult.

Any and all advice is appreciated. I'm sorry for the long post, it was more or less a venting of my frustrations. I just don't know what to do. My mom does not have the heart to put her into a home. It just kills me that I can see the frustration and fatigue behind my mom's eyes.

Thank you.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Sorry, we cannot provide any treatment or medical advice here on AN. You need to seek assistance from a qualified professional.

[JustBeachyNurse, LPN]

Perhaps consult with a geriatric physician specializing in Alzheimer's/dementia. Or a geriatric psychiatrist.

Here is some basic info about Alzheimer's and dementia. Hallucinations can be a symptom of a variety of conditions and a medical exam is warranted ASAP.

http://m.alz.org/what-is-alzheimers.asp#Symptoms

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

get professional help for Grandma. She is in a high risk situation

[pmabraham, BSN, RN]

Hugs HenrySD:

Before I met my wife, her and her family went through a hard situation with her grandfather who developed alzheimer's; she described it took a tremendous toll on the family. A local family went through years of taking care of a family member who developed dementia; while I think it helped that the mother was a CNA, it was still a hard tole (I'm friends with the one son).

I'm old school in terms of wanting to take care of family members at home vs. putting them somewhere; so I can understand your mom's position though I also understand you can get into a spot where having the person in a home, hospital, etc. is the only safe way for the person and the entire family.

Here's a path I would try if I were in similar shoes. I would call around, ask friends, churches, etc. to see if there were any agency (or agencies) that could help. The family in our area was able to get (I think it was Lutheran services) a local agency to pick up the sick family member a few times a week and take them out for a few hours to give the family a break. Whether it is take out or help in, it takes a load off the family. If that didn't work or it became unsafe for the family, then there might be no option other than hospitalization/home.

HenrySD, I'm not sure of the finances, but if this is the last semester and you need to get through it, you may also want to consider finding a way to live close to the school where you can do your best to keep your grandma and family in your thoughts and prayers, but still stay focused on school.

Hugs.

[laKrugRN]

Stay strong! You will conquer all. I know this situation is tough. Prayers for you!

[its_meee]

I am sorry you are going through this. I'm sure your grandma would want you to succeed and do well in school. I understand that you love her but you need to look at your future as well. I'm sorry I do not have the answer to solve your problem, but I do wish you the best with your future.

[HenrySD]

Hi everyone.

She is better today, but I hope that continues throughout the rest of the day. Your words of encouragement motivates me to keep going despite everything that is going on right now. I will try my best to work things out in a way that allows me to finish nursing school, but have a hand as well, in helping around to keep my grandma safe and sound.

I'll talk to my mom about seeing additional assistance where we can get it. We will see if we can get a home-visit geriatric doctor to come see her as we can't get her to set foot outside of the house. I know just coming out of the psych/neuro rotation about the poor and inevitable prognosis for Alzehimers patients. Fortunately, I go to school in town so I can be around to help out. Needless to say, the journey ahead is a tough one.

Thank you everyone, for allowing me to vent and by offering your words full of experience, wisdom, and encouragement. I really needed that.

[ThatBigGuy]

There are home health agencies that can come into your home to care for your grandma. Also, many assisted living homes offer respite opportunities, where your grandma can stay for a few days or weeks.

Many family members are like your mother, who feel guilty for considering moving a loved one into a home. They feel like they are abandoning their loved one. However, a quality home can actually increase the quality of life for a loved one, and by doing that, can increase the quality of life for the rest of the family.

There are homes that specialize in different conditions, and offer safety and security, plus specialized care for these conditions. It may be worth your family's time to consider an alternative to your current situation.