someone talk me out of this

  1. Okay all....I need someone to talk me out of this...or maybe support me...I'm just not sure.

    I am 23 yo single mother (of a darlin 2 year old) and I currently live at home with my parents while working part time and attending an 18 month LPN program. I have just finished my first term and have 3 more to go.

    Here's the problem. I am having MAJOR problems living at home with my folks. I mean, I can not begin to explain how awful it is. Life is a constant screaming match - battle - blah blah blah. i am so miserable and it is effecting my emotional health a great deal. I'm so disturbed I've managed to lose about 15 pounds in a month and a half. I also don't want my child growing up in such a hostile environment.

    I've considered moving out but it would be absolutely impossibe for me to do school and make enough money to support my son and myself.

    So I'm considering dropping out, moving out of town (to where I am origionally from where I have a great support group of friends - I know no one where I live now and get quite lonely and depressed)

    I hate the thought of dropping it. While I have plans of enrolling again after I move and get settled (there is a similar LPN program there) I worry that I am making a mistake. that i won't enroll. I mean...should I suck it up and suffer 3 more terms....risk having a nervous breakdown....or just take a few steps back and start over...

    Thanks all...i'm sorry if i sound like such a basket case. I'm just so scared to make a decision and regret. Thought a neutral party might help.

    ~Claire
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  2. 24 Comments

  3. by   Nurse2BMandy
    I can't tell you what to do. I'm not in your situation. However, if you know that being an LPN is what you want to do and you are afraid that you won't accomplish that if you move out now...maybe the best thing to do is to stay where you are, finish school, then get the heck out.

    It seems like no matter what you choose, you are having to give up something...but just try to weigh the good and bad from each choice and whichever one comes out on top is what you should do.
  4. by   Nurse Izzy
    Claire,
    Have you thought about student loans? I don't know all the ins and outs of them, but know several students in my program in similar situations who are living off their loans. I don't know what tuition is where you are or cost of living or anything but thought I'd throw that idea out there. Also, is child-care an issue for you? There are programs that are federally funded that will pay for child care for you - again, one of my fellow students is using it to put her daughter in child-care (of her choice) at the government's cost.

    Good luck to you. We're here if you need to vent! (May not be good on advice but have a great ear for listening!)
  5. by   Coytoy
    Claire,
    If you have lost 15 pounds in the last month and feel your emotional health is suffering.....then you know what the answer is. The first thing you need to do is survive. With that said, here are some questions to ask yourself. Is there anything you can do to stop the arguing? Can you lay low for 3 terms and hope your parents will back off? Can you trust your friends to help you if you move? There is a lot at stake for you. I will be praying for you. I was in your situation at 21 years old with an 18 month old daughter.I left and did not finish school till I was over 35. I feel like I should have stuck it out. But still, by daughter is happy and healthy and wonderful. If I would have stayed she might not have turned out this well. Good luck and God bless.
  6. by   tonicareer
    Are they screaming and yelling at you? or your child? or each other? or someone else? Can you get counseling as a family? Only you can decide of course. I know when you are 23 18 months seems like forever but maybe you can tough it out? Of course if you are in danger you must make a different choice.
  7. by   l.rae
    staying in school will dramatically improve you and your child's lifestyle post graduation...l don' t know what is going on, but only you can decide if one more year with your parents is a bigger/smaller sacrifice to make than living the rest of your life searching for jobs that pay higher than min. wage...and not near as high as LPN...unless this is your 2nd career....really only you can make the call, but, l would encourage you to stay in school.
  8. by   cwazycwissyRN
    Explore your options, could be very benificial. Looking into different types of funding and living arangements certainly doesn't hurt. Kinda like educating your patients in order for them to make appropriate decisions about their care. Educate yourself in order to make decisions about your health as well as your childrens. Regardless of your decision you'll feel better about it. Hope you stay in school. Best of luck
  9. by   EmeraldNYL
    Claire, is there an LPN program in the town you want to move to? Usually you can take out student loans to cover the cost of rent, food, etc... that's what I'm doing this year (I'm in an accelerated BSN program). Money is tight, and I will be sooo in debt when I graduate, but I'm convinced it will be worth it. I have federal loans in addition to a Sallie Mae Signature loan (www.salliemae.com).
  10. by   renerian
    I grew up in a hostile home and could not stand it. My son and dtr just applied for student loans for the next semester as I had five people in college at once and tapped all our money. They both work full time and go to school full time. One works in a resturant and one is an aide at a hospital. I did it with a toddler and a new born so it can be done if you put your mind to it and know it will be harder than heck but it is possible.

    Don't give up. I think mental health is more important than school but only you can decide what is right for your child's health and you.

    renerian
  11. by   TeresaRN2b
    Since you are asking to be talked out of this, I am going to venture a guess that you need a peptalk and a hug. My bet is your parents are as stressed as you are. Are you paying them any rent? Are they watching your daughter for you a lot? When my husband got out the military I moved across state before him to get us setttled and find a house. My children and I lived with my inlaws and it was awful. At the time, I hated them and couldn't see why they were so unbearable. Then the following year my sister stayed with us and all of a sudden the lightbulb turned on in my head and I saw why they were so difficult to live with. All the little things my sister did drove me nuts. She didn't help with the dishes, her kids never went to bed, she barely chipped in any money. You see where I am going with this?

    I was a young mommy and I didn't finish my degree the first time around and I have regretted it for 10 years. If you have the opportunity to finish this, I would do whatever it takes to do that. Sit down talk to your parents see what you can do to make it work. See what they are expecting from you and let them know how you are feeling as well. If you can't make things work at home, then I would still try and stay where you are and not move to another town. I would look into loans to help with your finances. I'd apply for aid from the state and do whatever it takes to finish.
  12. by   NurseWeasel
    As the mother of an 18 y/o who can at times be a REAL butthead, I will suggest sitting down with your parents for an honest chat. Y'all need to find out what the issues are, although I suspect you already know. Are you behaving maturely? Are their expectations too high? What exactly is causing all this stress and screaming?

    Once you get to the crux of the issues, hash 'em out. Maybe you need to do more around the house or pay rent like Teresa said. Maybe you need to look into getting an apartment in the town you're already in, until the program finishes. I'm not there so I can't say. But I honestly believe you should at least try to work things out with your parents.

    Like Teresa, it wasn't until I had long term guests at my house that I figured out why parents wig out all the time. It is sooo frustrating to be responsible for extra messes, extra food and bills, not being able to run around nekkid if ya want, etc. Especially if the "guest" (or child) seems ungrateful and/or unwilling to help out. The power & water bills go up, the grocery bill goes through the roof, dishes stack up twice as fast... and here's this extra person just sittin' on their butt, lol.

    Just my perspective as a parent. I love my son to death, but some days, I just wish he'd freeking move out already. Of course he's not even out of high school yet.... lol
  13. by   mzmckim
    Claire,
    I have been there done that! I broke free at 26, yeah I persevered for a long while. But the other posters have given great suggestions all of which I had done, like paying rent and such!
    I was not easy and it was definitely a lesson learned. The only thing I regret was how my daughter reacts to termoil. She doesn't do well. She learned very well that the way to handle anger was to lash out at others. It has taken me YEARS to help her learn to deal with her anger in other ways.
    I know you will make the right decisions...talk to your parents and see what happens. Then if it doesn't work move on and get into the other program. BUT, only one word of caution...I have learned your FAMILY is more likely to stick with you than FRIENDS.
    Best of luck to ya,
    Hugs and Prayers,
    Judy
  14. by   essarge
    I live off of my student loans and grants and have been doing ok. Granted money is very tight, but that's ok...it's peace of mind. I do have a few suggestions for you though. Ask around and see if anyone might need a room mate. If they have kids it would be great to exchange babysitting so you can get out once in awhile. Talk to your counsellor at school and see if they have any suggestions. Perhaps there are grants and scholarships that you are eligable for that will help. Finally, on some campuses, there is daycare available. This would free your parents up from having to "care" for your child while you are in school.

    Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP!!! I did over 30 years ago and am finally (at 47) back at school working my butt off!! Do whatever you have to do to finish the program!

    Best of luck in whatever decision you make!

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