Should boyfriend help me out?

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I am attending a community college for an accelerated nursing program. I currently work at a small local restaurant and get paid only minimum wage. My school schedule only allows me to work 3 days a week including weekends; therefore, I am making no money. I'm not qualified for student aid and the school I attend does not participate in any student loan programs. I've tried applying at other restaurants such as Chili's and Olive Garden but I don't get hired because they do training in mornings which I cannot attend because of school hours. My parents are putting gas in my car, but they can only help out so much. I still have a car note to pay and credit card bill. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. I have several girls in my class and their boyfriend is helping them out. Many girls were even able to quit their jobs because their boyfriend will give them money. I hate to work more hours and start failing school because of it. Do you think my boyfriend should be helping me out? Should he offer to put gas in my car, give me $50 or so? I don't think it is his obligation to help me out, but I feel he should.

Specializes in Hospice / Ambulatory Clinic.

Wow so many responses on this issue since I last looked. I originally decided not to weigh in on this issue as my thing was that she's 18 and struggling so I wasn't going to give her a hard time.

I remember my first year in university I was living with my parents who had just gone bankrupt from their struggling business and had to go on an interim pension ( this is in NZ so things are different there) I remember skipping class sometimes because I didn't have the money for gas to get there.

Around about the same time a guy I was dating gave me $100 to help me out and I just burst into tears as money was so tight. Was it is obligation to help me out? No. Was a *insert descriptive word here* for taking the money. Again No.

So to answer the OP if she is still around. No its not his obligation to help you out but you shouldn't feel guilty if he does offer or like you owe him something. Too many people use the theory of reciprocity when they should use the theory of altruism.

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Specializes in Hospice / Ambulatory Clinic.
Two words for you: Student Loans. Take them. Your new job after nursing school may give you a sign on bonus (put it towards the loans) and my have some kind of loan repayment program. Just ask yourself this: when you're making more money as a nurse, are you going to help him out when he decides to go to (or go back to) school? Didn't think so.

Read the original post. Her community college doesn't offer student loans and student loans are not easy to get for community college especially when it sounds like she would be signing alone.

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Wow so many responses on this issue since I last looked. I originally decided not to weigh in on this issue as my thing was that she's 18 and struggling so I wasn't going to give her a hard time.

I remember my first year in university I was living with my parents who had just gone bankrupt from their struggling business and had to go on an interim pension ( this is in NZ so things are different there) I remember skipping class sometimes because I didn't have the money for gas to get there.

Around about the same time a guy I was dating gave me $100 to help me out and I just burst into tears as money was so tight. Was it is obligation to help me out? No. Was a *insert descriptive word here* for taking the money. Again No.

So to answer the OP if she is still around. No its not his obligation to help you out but you shouldn't feel guilty if he does offer or like you owe him something. Too many people use the theory of reciprocity when they should use the theory of altruism.

Really, there's nothing wrong with what you posted here. You were struggling, your boyfriend at the time offered, you accepted. There's nothing wrong with that. If I was in that situation, I would be grateful of any financial assistance I would have received.

I think the entire issue with the OP is the whole thing of she think he should be helping her, as in it's a requirement and a moral duty because simply he is her boyfriend.

I don't think it's anything wrong with someone offering to help, but when it becomes a required expection of the person that is receiving the help, it can be looked at in the wrong way.

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Specializes in Hospice / Ambulatory Clinic.
Really, there's nothing wrong with what you posted here. You were struggling, your boyfriend at the time offered, you accepted. There's nothing wrong with that. If I was in that situation, I would be grateful of any financial assistance I would have received.

I think the entire issue with the OP is the whole thing of she think he should be helping her, as in it's a requirement and a moral duty because simply he is her boyfriend.

I don't think it's anything wrong with someone offering to help, but when it becomes a required expection of the person that is receiving the help, it can be looked at in the wrong way.

I chalked up the OP's entitlement issue to being 18 ( though I was 18 at the time too I had also dealt with my parents slowly going broke since I was 12 so that changes your outlook ALOT)

So basically is he offers out of his own free will then in my book its ok.

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I chalked up the OP's entitlement issue to being 18 ( though I was 18 at the time too I had also dealt with my parents slowly going broke since I was 12 so that changes your outlook ALOT)

So basically is he offers out of his own free will then in my book its ok.

You know, I totally have to agree as far as the age thing goes. Although I've never been in a situation like the OP, when I was her age, I did have high expectations of my family and friends. I did think my family should have supported me financially until I got out of college. Unfortantuely, my family had little money and real life slapped me in the face real quick.

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Specializes in Hospice / Ambulatory Clinic.

Yup life can be a well you know. I can certainly say if money hadn't been an issue in my first year at university it would have made completing my degree the first time round easier.

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Who even says this "boyfriend" has the finanically ability to help her simply because she's been "counting" HIS money? Just because he stays at HOME with HIS parents? The OP stays at HOME with her parents as well.

These two are simply dating. And if it were THAT serious, they would be living TOGETHER, not each of them living with their parents. It don't matter how many years they've been "dating".

So, in this case, I simply don't feel it's her boyfriend's moral DUTY to help her financially. We don't know what her boyfriend's future plans are. He could be saving up to buy a house, or may be saving up to go back to school himself, or he may just be paying off his OWN student loans.

I feel whatever he CHOOSES to do for her is because he wants to, not because he is morally obligated to simply because he is dating her. And she must not be stuggling too much, she is LIVING rent free with her parents, it's not like she is at risk of losing HER house. Now, that's STRUGGLING.

I feel if he CHOOSES to give her a few bucks here or there, or may OFFER to fill her tank, or may offer to take her out to relieve her stress of nursing school IS showing support. Just because he is not WILLINGLY taking on HER bills, in addition to HIS own don't mean he is NOT supporting her.

It's the whole entitlement attitude.

:yeah::yeah::yeah: I :redbeathe the way you think :chuckle :up:

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I absolutely think your boyfriend should help you out, and if he doesn't do it willingly, find another boyfriend.

there are names for girls that do this. they are called gold diggers

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
there are names for girls that do this. they are called gold diggers

Ouch!

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Specializes in ER/Ortho.

Actually golddiggers is the nice name for girls who do that.

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Specializes in Vents, Telemetry, Home Care, Home infusion.

Closing thread for night time rest

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