I need some input and comments/ advice about my situation in clinical right now. I am in an ADN program and I am in my first semester of the program; to be exact, I am in my seventh week of fall 2011 semester. I am having a problem with my clinical professor right now. He is a nice guy, but it seems like he likes and has good attitude toward everyone in my clinical group except for me. He is nice to me but it seems like he does not trust me when I am doing my job at our clinical site.
On the first day of clinical, he paired the students in my clinical group while the other clinical instructors of my class cohort did not. He said that he wanted to "help" the group out by pairing us up since this is our first day of clinical. I was glad that he paired my clinical group since I was nervous on my first day. However, when he was pairing us up on the first day, he paired me up with one of my classmate who is very outspoken and is not shy at all. My clinical instructor said that he paired me up because I am the shy one in the group and needs to "work on my communication skill." First of all, I agree with him that I am somewhat shy and I do need to work on my communication skill since English was my second language. BUT what I didn't like was how he commented that to everyone in my clinical group and it embarrassed me so much that I was frustrating the whole entire day to the point where I didn't remember the lab skill that I learned in lab skill. Plus, my partner is one of the top students in the class and he and I are very different in many ways; we are different in our personality (he is very loud and outspoken while I am more quiet and calm). So my first day of clinical turned out to be a horrible day when I expected it to be otherwise
. From that day on, I get really intimidated with meeting him and dread to go to clinical because of him. I really like going to clinical but the thought of meeting the instructor make me nervous. He obviously doesn't have any confidence in me and I see that in his eyes whenever we talk to each other.
Today, he gave me a progress note(it's a note that said that I did something wrong in clinical and if I get more of this, I get kicked out of the program) and I accepted it since I did violate some HIPAA violation. For this nursing course, it is only required that the students take care of one patient during the clinical site but my instructor gave two patients to my clinical group today; therefore, as a newbie I was nervous so I couldn't manage it.
What I didn't like was our talk after the clinical time today. He pulled me aside and asked me a bunch of questions that made me feel so uncomfortable and bad about myself. He asked me if I had any anxiety disorder and I was like no; I get nervous but otherwise it's not too serious. Then he asked me about my family and asked if I have any family problems and I shared how I do have some family problems and how my parents expected me to make my own money and not to depend on them financially. Then he asked me if my family has any history of mental disorder and that shocked me right there. He was basically asking me if I have any mental disorder in an indirect way. After the conversation, I thought about what we were talking and I realized how my clinical professor thinks that I might have a mental disorder
I am so angry at the fact that he even made me to question about my sanity. This clinical experience is so new to me and I am getting use to it but having a clinical instructor who doesn't believe in me is NOT helping me to get any better.
Also, I know one reason on why I am nervous in clinical. The students in my clinical groups are some of the top students in the class. They are getting As, are much older than me (I'm 24 and they are in their 40s and 30s), and worked in a medical setting before while I never have any hands-on experience in the medical field. Some of the students in the clinical group volunteered in hospital, worked as an EMT, and even worked as a secretary in the hospital. They obviously have confidence when they provide the care for their patient. When we are at the clinical site, I feel like I am the lost sheep in the bunch while the rest of the other students seem to know exactly what to do. Here is something about me, I get intimidated when I surround myself with people who has more expertise than me in a specific area. I feel like my clinical instructor is comparing myself to these students in my group and I know that I can provide the same care as these students but maybe at a slower rate than them. I talked to my friends in the other clinical group and they said that the other students are just afraid and anxious as me and that I was unlucky to be put in the clinical group with the top students in the class.
To sum up, I guess my question is how do I deal with a clinical instructor who has no confidence or trust in me?