I'm nearing the end of a very rough first semester mentally, emotionally and physically drained (literally sick with pneumonia from trying to push myself when I got bronchitis). I've lost 20+ pounds from stress since this semester began which NEVER happens (I can diet for weeks and drop 1 lb!) My kids are resentful and acting up because I haven't been there to help like I used to. My husband is whining that I'm never around, and my boss is complaining that I'm falling behind on work. Obviously, I knew I was taking on a lot, but I cut my hours way back and explained to the family that I needed to focus on school right now.
Clinicals have been horrible - drill sargeant clinical instructor, indifferent nurses, and I literally didn't learn anything since I only washed feet, changed briefs and scoured bedpans the entire semester. Lectures have been hard (my grades dropped when I caught pneumonia), and my lab instructor has been showing us incorrectly and I've nearly failed several test outs. (Yes, several of us have complained about the instructor but we're told that we can always read the book for the correct method. However, we're at a big disadvantage in that we don't get to SEE how it's done correctly like other classes.) So much lab practice seems fruitless such as being required to insert and reinsert an enema in a mannequin for 2 straight hours. Not that I mind the lab time, but why can't we spend some of that time practicing the skill areas we're weakest in?
I've gotten the "threat of expulsion" letter for missing two classes (although I have a doctor's excuse and annoyed all my classmates by coughing my way through 3 classes sick as a dog anyway), and I feel like I have no more to give. Does this mean I'm not cut out for this? Is this just the "weeding out" semester? Will the next semesters be easier or should I just expect the next few years to be horrible too? I've put in a hard 3 years just to get to this point and, I must say, I'm feeling very disillusioned. I've spent many hours wiping up C Diff diarrhea and giving foot rubs to some nasty looking feet with a smile and cheery talk. I've changed beds and emptied bedpans in rooms that weren't even assigned to me. I'm not afraid of hard, dirty work. But I do want to use my brain at clinicals, and I do want some recognition for literally busting my a** rather than being yelled at in front of everyone for not responding quick enough to a call bell because I was wiping feces off another pt at the time.
Just wondering if this is the normal experience for 1st semester or if I have a bad attitude?