I did a dumb thing today and learned a lesson - page 2

by DawnCaprice

3,164 Views | 19 Comments

I confronted one of my instructors today. I was NOT very tactful in the way I handled myself. I have been bothered/annoyed by this instructor for 2 quarters now and today was our final. I received my grade and when most of the... Read More


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    Quote from DawnCaprice
    Thank you MedChica and everyone for your words.

    I have given what happen yesterday A LOT of thought. I am going to use this as a lesson. I am by far a meek and mild girl. But I do need to learn the art of keeping my mouth shut and picking my battles better.

    I am going to back to school today with my head held high and my mouth shut. lol!!!

    You don't have to keep your mouth shut. You need to learn the art of tact. You can get your point across in a professional manner. Maybe you should take a communications class. Don't put up with something you think is unjust. Learn how to communicate this in a way that will get your point across and not offend other people.
    jtboog2003, DawnCaprice, and Snowbird17 like this.
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    I wish that we could all be so honest, but in the end, you will end up paying for that honesty. It would be like telling your boss how ignorant he is, you just don't do it. Being a nurse, you are going to have to deal with a lot of personalities, you can't tell the patient that she, is a pain in the @ss, on discharge day. I think that your friend is giving you very good advice, she is looking out for your best interest. I know it stinks, but in this world there are unwritten rules. This is just one of many, but at least you learned from it. Thanks for sharing your story.
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    When I hear bad language, I think to myself, "I went to boarding school, lived in a houseful of guys in college, and worked ICU for a long time. If I haven't said it myself I've at least heard it once or twice." Then I forget it.

    If you already know he has probably been reprimanded for his language already and that he probably does it to pull your (collective) chains, why would you give him the satisfaction of letting him know he succeeded? Play it cool and pretend you've heard it all before (and believe me, you WILL hear it a lot in your work sooner or later). This is also a technique you'll need to hone to a fine edge when you have teenagers of your own.

    I agree with the poster above who said, "Put it in the course eval," and let the chips fall where they may.
    Sun0408 and Red35 like this.
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    That's a tough lesson to learn...Men tend to learn this lesson sooner than women due to the way they are acculturated, but it is a lesson we all learn at some point - just hopefully not when there is a lot at stake.

    Consider this:

    Unfortunately, in our culture people with even just a little bit of power WILL more often than not, abuse it in some way. Understand that whatever authority someone has over you, will be used against you if you give them that opportunity. Lazy people in authority will use it against you because they can. People who are awarded authority not because they actually know how to use it, but because it comes with whatever goals they have achieved or positions they've been bestowed, will use it against you because it's the only strength they think they have if they feel threatened by you.

    Always, always, always consider your relative position before you attack.

    If you're 145 lbs soaking wet and have no grace or agility to speak of, don't go picking a fight with the 210 lbs body builder.

    That's not cowardice, that's just self preservation.
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    I agree there are some holes here, but with the information given, I would have happily accepted my B and moved on. What was your intent on approaching/confronting him? I agree totally with your fellow student, it was a bad move.
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    You can use the course eval like the other posters said. I'd like to point out that the first time whenIi was in college and I heard a professor drop an f bomb, I giggled like a schoolgirl. But after undergrad and law school and now working as a lawyer, I'll just share one thing with you. I don't usually swear in front of my clients in my current job as an advocate, but that's only because of the population I deal with. When I worked as criminal defense attorney, I had a mouth dirtier than a sailor. Did I use those word in front of a judge? No. But with other lawyers, and my clients, I did, and they did. It's one of those things you're going to have to deal with. And if you confront someone in front of others, which I think you did, you're going to get told to eff off. Develop a thicker skin. You're going into a profession that deals with people when they feel their worst. Life is not high tea with Queen
    HM-8404 likes this.
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    I think all the PPs have provided excellent feedback/advice. I just wanted to offer a couple "Platinum Rules" that should be applied to human interactions of all kinds.

    ALWAYS Provide negative feedback in private & positive feedback in Public. This hold true, no matter who you are dealing with. Negative feedback in a public venue is generally perceived as an attack - and the recipient will act accordingly. If your true intention is to engage in two way communication and let the other person know that you are not OK with what they have done, it is counterproductive to attack. This is disrespectful and originates from a place of retribution and revenge.

    Another principle that has always worked for me is ALWAYS assume positive intentions unless you are absolutely sure of the other person's motives. In this case, I doubt whether the instructor's motive (for the previous behavior) was to make the OP's - or any of the students' life more difficult. Very few of us are self-aware enough to continuously police our behavior. So, we will all say and do things that are perceived in a different way that they were intended. By choosing to give them the benefit of the doubt, I can usually avoid triggering negative energy.... life's just too short, right?
    3aremyjoy likes this.
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    In a similar situation, without feeling inferior to the authority above me, I have confronted instructors as well. Be very careful with your phrasing. I have had more than my share of negative experiences in clinical and class....I wish you much luck and may these quotes encourage you.

    We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.



    Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein ..
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    Let's see if we got this right. You do not use tact when you criticize a professor. He does not use tact when he responds. You go crying to his boss. Sounds like someone didn't like getting back what they gave. As the old saying goes, When you grab a tiger by the tail you better be prepared for the teeth.

    I hope you are now graduating, unless you think instructors in the nursing program don't talk to each other. I'd say they now have your number.
  10. 0
    Quote from HM-8404
    Let's see if we got this right. You do not use tact when you criticize a professor. He does not use tact when he responds. You go crying to his boss. Sounds like someone didn't like getting back what they gave. As the old saying goes, When you grab a tiger by the tail you better be prepared for the teeth.

    I hope you are now graduating, unless you think instructors in the nursing program don't talk to each other. I'd say they now have your number.
    That is a bit harsh don't you think? I am fully aware that everyone talks to everyone in my school. There is no number to be had.

    What I guess I left out of the first post was I was NOT offended by his language it was the way he was acting and has acted when he was grading our exams in front of us. He was making snide comments. He would also have little tantrums in class during lectures.

    UPDATE: The day after the disagreement, the instructor ask to speak to me and he apologized to me for the way he acted during both quarters that I had him. (He also apologized to other students as well). I too apologized for my actions. He told me that the nursing instructors as a whole talked about me and the situation and everyone agreed that I should stay in school and that we all learn from this unfortunate experience. Fortunately, I have not had any bad reactions from anyone. The instructor and I hugged it out. We agree to leave it in the past and move on. So as I said earlier, I did learn from this experience.

    I ended my quarter with 2 A's and 2 B's, so I am still doing very well in school.


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