Gotta love working for a living!!

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 3, 2007

This isn't the first time I've heard of some issue with me, but funny how my boss hasn't said boo to me about any, and I haven't seen or heard from her in about 2 months! My philosophy is A)If your boss doesn't tell you there's a problem, there's no problem. B) If your coworkers hardly ever gripe about you, there's a minor issue but you're working on the ones that you're asked about (cause nobody's perfect), and C)If you have a problem with the way I do my job, then tell me about it, don't have me work the entire rest of the shift without telling me you have a problem, then have me hear it secondhand, cause you give me no chance to fix supposed problem!

Ah, yes. Nursing is no different then any other career field. I learned a few ways to avoid these issues. My old philosophies were the ones you listed above. Here are my new philosophies:

A.) Just because a boss does not say he/she has a problem with you, does not mean she/he does not have a problem with you. Check in with your boss as often as you can and DOCUMENT your activities outside of charting in a "work journal".

B.) If co-workers hardly ever gripe, they are probably not stating it to your face and will at some point go behind your back. Check in with your co-workers as often as possible and DOCUMENT your activities outside of charting in a "work journal" (I have had a co-worker swear I did not give her a heads up about patients before I went on maternity leave despite the fact that I spent TWO hours discussing them and handing over documentation. I had a boss ream me over the phone because she believed my co-worker until I had a chance to explain my side of the story... lesson learned).

C.) If others have a problem with the way you do your job, then they should tell you about it. However, knowing supervisors and co-workers are usually cowards, you will need to DOCUMENT your activities to refute their claims. This will also help you to fix any problems through self-regulation rather then depend on the assessment of others.

*Taking deep, cleansing breath* Ok, thanks all nursing folks for letting me vent, cause I really don't have a work sounding board to go off on.....without actually blowing up at said nurse. Counting the days...1 year and 3 months to go!

This is good. Exercise helps too.

NurseyPoo, RN · Apr 3, 2007

I had nurse write me up once for a medication error. When my boss pulled me aside to discuss it, she reemed me for making the error, told me it was something I needed to work on, Blah-Blah-Blah... Well, when we reviewed the paper work regarding this "Error" it was another nurse entirely. They had written me up and I was on vacation in Florida at the time. There were 2 of us with the same first name and the nurse that made the complaint did not know her last name so she picked one. I laughed it off...The one who wrote me up can not look me in the face to this day when we transfer patients to the floor...

It is funny how someone can write something down but not come to or face another person with a problem. It would save everyone a whole lot of grief, don't you think?

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Apr 3, 2007

at the risk of sounding sexist i have to say that i so admire you men for not having to deal with all the hormones interfering with your behavior. you must be swimming in a sea of estrogen at work. some woman can be such you-know-whats that you just want to rip their ovaries out! this kind of bitchiness, unfortunately, is one of the downsides of working with groups of other women. some women just suffer from really bad cases of a pms syndrome that make everyone want to put their hands around their neck and strangle them.

all i can say is if you are confronted about this by your manager, just stay calm, try and act a bit surprised and tell your side of the story factually. don't bring up the issue of the side rails you left down. self-confession will only get you into trouble. it was only a small error and you know to be careful of doing it again. honestly, the way you've described the whole thing makes me wonder just what you did wrong anyway. it sounds like "this nurse" has a screw loose or an issue with power, as in she has to be holding the reins of it at all times.

i'm hoping for you that it was just some gossip that you were told because that is sometimes how women play games with each other--they set the gossip mill going rather than act honestly, do the assertive thing and look people directly in the face and tell them what issue is on their mind. i had the impression from other posts of yours that your workplace consists of a legion of gossipy and backbiting coworkers, you poor thing. on a personal note: don't get involved or marry someone who plays games like this nurse; you'll have a miserable relationship.

i can't tell you how immensely sorry i feel for you having to work under these kinds of circumstances. we all, men and women alike, deserve better than this kind of crappy behavior from others. please don't change because of the way you have been treated. when you come into your own authority as an rn and leader you will be able to deal more effectively and confidently with people like this on the job. fairness is always the first thing that people list as the most important quality they want to see in a supervisor or boss. practicing fairness is quite another thing.

locolorenzo22, BSN, RN · Apr 3, 2007

Dayton, thanks for that. I needed a good touch of reality from someone. Yeah, there's a lot of backbiting that goes on from time to time, and sometimes I wonder why as a male, I can't just come out and point out the factual part of someone's issue. This nurse does have some power thing going on, and the best part? She's the only one who's applied for the open night team leader position....whee. The bright spot is that if she gets it, she'll be off by 11 so the last 6 hours of every shift would be fine.

Thedreamer · Apr 3, 2007

God daytonite always has something amazing to say. And hey loco, I too am still getting used to this kinda behavior/environment. Hang in there mate and do your best!

As for everyone leaving advice, thanks! Im learning from these posts just as much as the next guy! :lol2:

locolorenzo22, BSN, RN · Apr 5, 2007

Ok, update, worked with same nurse tonight, NO issues towards each other....and I've decided to change my attitude. I think I'm being a bit of a crab at work to my coworkers and am apoligizing for it right up front now. I've decided that I'm going to simply smile when that nurse brings up an issue, and say "Ok, I'll take care of that right now." and just do it, grit my teeth and know that in 1.2 years I'll have the same piece of paper she does(w/o the exp of course), but I'll still be able to look her in the eye and say my name ends with RN, same as you.

Thanks all for letting me vent and have some feedback around here. I'm glad to hear that it's not just me who sees the bs that happens around there.

queenjean · Apr 5, 2007

I think that is a pretty good realization to come to, loco.

I hate the backstabbing and talking behind others' back, too, and yet I would be a liar to admit I don't sometimes participate.

We all say we want someone to come to us if they have a problem with us.....but how do you react when someone comes up and confronts you about something you did (whether they are right or not)? Do you become defensive (I do)? Do you think evil thoughts about that person?

Sometimes I think that we *say* we want someone to confront us with any issues, but I wonder if we always mean it?

I, too, am trying to be better at simply stating my issue, and then letting it go. I am also trying to not dwell on the problems I have with a couple of my co-workers. We have one nurse on our floor who is horrible--to us, to patients, she is just mean and grumpy. I hate the way I act around her. I become very ugly. It doesn't justify it that everyone else also becomes ugly--ultimately we are in charge of our own reactions. We talked about this one night that she wasn't there (I know, talking behind her back.....), and I said something like, "Okay, I resolve to say one nice thing to her every time I work with her, even if I only want to ring her neck." A couple other nurses agreed to do it, too. I started saying one nice thing, something simple (because frankly, there isn't always a lot to say). We also threw her a surprise birthday party, bringing cake and ice cream.

Holy cow, the change is almost scary. And really sad, too, because we were totally perpetuating it, and simply saying "I really like how you fixed your hair tonight" or "Cute scrub top, where did you find it? That color looks good on you." and bringing the lady a cake for her birthday made all the difference in the world. It makes me sad to think how crummy she must have been feeling, that these bones that we threw her made her so much nicer and more pleasant to work with. Don't get me wrong, she can still be a complete hag. But we were all definitely feeding it, and a little turning of the cheek and a smile and chocolate cake made all the difference in the world--she's nicer to us, to her patients, and she actually volunteers to help out now (before she sequestered herself in the back room and would never ever help anyone, and would mutter to herself about how no one would ever help her, she always got the worst assignment, why does she always get the busiest admission, etc).

So I'm trying to be nice to everyone, even the one nurse on my floor who will NEVER take care of me or anyone I love, should we be hospitalized. It's made me feel better about myself, it's made her feel better, and it has increased the moral on our floor.

I am also trying to be more careful of my reaction when someone brings a mistake (true or perceived) to my attention. Instead of defending myself, I thank them. If I'm unsure of what I did wrong, I explain the situation, and ask them their advice, "so how would you have handled that?" When I bring an error to someone's attention, I try to be extra careful to just state what it was, without making them sound like I despise them (which I don't) or think they are a big idiot (which I don't). I really am becoming more comfortable with constructive criticism, it is really helpful; but it's taken me a while to get here, and I'm still working on it.

KnitterMama · Apr 6, 2007

Ah, yes. Nursing is no different then any other career field. I learned a few ways to avoid these issues. My old philosophies were the ones you listed above. Here are my new philosophies:
A.) Just because a boss does not say he/she has a problem with you, does not mean she/he does not have a problem with you. Check in with your boss as often as you can and DOCUMENT your activities outside of charting in a "work journal".
B.) If co-workers hardly ever gripe, they are probably not stating it to your face and will at some point go behind your back. Check in with your co-workers as often as possible and DOCUMENT your activities outside of charting in a "work journal" (I have had a co-worker swear I did not give her a heads up about patients before I went on maternity leave despite the fact that I spent TWO hours discussing them and handing over documentation. I had a boss ream me over the phone because she believed my co-worker until I had a chance to explain my side of the story... lesson learned).
C.) If others have a problem with the way you do your job, then they should tell you about it. However, knowing supervisors and co-workers are usually cowards, you will need to DOCUMENT your activities to refute their claims. This will also help you to fix any problems through self-regulation rather then depend on the assessment of others.
This is good. Exercise helps too.

Do you have more on the use of a work journal? What kinds of things to include, etc? This is an idea I had never considered, but it sounds like something that would be really beneficial. I'm looking for guidelines, suggested use, etc.

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 6, 2007

Do you have more on the use of a work journal? What kinds of things to include, etc? This is an idea I had never considered, but it sounds like something that would be really beneficial. I'm looking for guidelines, suggested use, etc.

I just sent you a PM with some ideas so I do not get off topic on this thread. GL.

brighella · Apr 6, 2007

I can understand not wanting to derail the thread, but can you please start another one about the work diary? Or have there been prevous threads on the subject i should be looking for? It sounds like a good idea.