Avoiding patients hitting on you

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Does anyone have experience with patients hitting on you? I am starting nursing school this fall after finishing all my pre-requisites and my parents(both with experience in medical feild) warned me that patients or even medical associates will try to flirt or hit on me. I am young (17), and have little expeience in this area. I want to think that everyone will assume a professional relationship with me, but I do want to be prepared for the worst. I am planning to purchase a purity ring, which I plan to use as a fallback if a professional manner fails. Any tips, stories that you guys can share? Advice or tips?

Specializes in CICU.
You worked at a bar at 17? Dear goodness, that must have been quite a learning experience in the dealing-with-inappropriate-men-who-should-be-elsewhere-on-a-weekday department. What a way to hone those conflict resolution skills.

I didn't serve alcohol then - I was a cook until I turned 18 =)

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Specializes in OR SCRUBULATOR, Nurse Practitioner.

So I've been a PCT for 5 years and now work as a nurse, men CONSTANTLY hit on me or are just outright disrespectful (asking for BJs or what look like without clothes), and I even had one strange encounter when a woman wanted to "feel my breasts":nailbiting:

It will really come down to your personality. Strangely I have never told someone that what they were doing made me feel uncomfortable, and it never has. Usually if a guy (a younger guy) asks me to perform a sexual act (and they always do it when you're right up on them giving care) I stop, look at them square in the eye and say "nice try buddy, play again next time" some will laugh others gets incredibly, what I like to call "butt hurt" about their manhood and then start explaining themselves to me I usually just laugh it off and say don't worry about it, you never had a chance anyhow. With an older guy I assume confusion or some sort of AMS and say "oh really" or "is that so" and continue with my work. I never try to rationalize sexual inappropriateness with a confused person-its a waste of my time. Some people might, but in my experience they move on if you move on.

I had an older confused gentleman swear I was a beautiful black girl he met in a strip club in Vegas when he was younger (you can see there is a time issue here) that was the first time I tried to explain, that his behavior was inappropriate, and it just urged him on to see me plead with him (that it was making me uncomfortable and to please stop).

He actually took his member out and started masturbating and that's when the young New Yorker in me came out and I almost died of laughter ( sounds totally unprofessional but have you ever been doing something by the books. JUST the way you learned it in school and then realize, the older people who were teaching me have no idea what the world is like now, well that's how I felt in that situation) So I just said, "hey, take your time and have fun, I'll be back" and stepped outside to do something else. When I came back he had moved on from the situation and I just laughed in my head for hours on end.

I mean.......you have to own it. If you're pretty, or shaped well, or have nice hair or a nice smile or dress well, whatever. People are going to hit on you. Personally I think if you come off as this little girl it urges them onward. I have a higher and softer voice than usual and I've heard many men say, "ooh I like the way you sound wonder what you sound like in bed" like gross. You have to recognize that about yourself and be mean without being outrageously hurtful to some people. Most people know they are wrong but will push you because they know you have to act a "certain way" but if you come across the men I've come across you learn that you can't always be "professional" like they taught you in school, you have to be firm like your mama taught you to be in the streets.

Just my opinion. But you'll learn in time.

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Yes a purity ring will stop them...

But seriously if you want people to treat you professionally you need to be the one who sets those professional boundaries with your patients and colleagues.

I wouldn't worry too much though, hospitals aren't the greys anatomy on-call room that society seems to think it is.

Just focus on your studies and cross that bridge when or if you come to it.

All the best.

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I am not sure where Vanessa works but I have worked in some rough areas...I am passably attractive and I was very young when I started (18)....yes there are patients that are inappropriate but it is by far not the common occurrence. In my experience it has been the exception and not the rule.

One time not so long ago I had a patient be inappropriate and was exposing himself repetitively to the younger staff...when I entered the room he continued his behavior. I went over and looked then looked him in the eye and said..."I've seen better" and walked out of the room.....he stopped the behavior.

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I am not sure where Vanessa works but I have worked in some rough areas...I am passably attractive and I was very young when I started (18)....yes there are patients that are inappropriate but it is by far not the common occurrence. In my experience it has been the exception and not the rule.

One time not so long ago I had a patient be inappropriate and was exposing himself repetitively to the younger staff...when I entered the room he continued his behavior. I went over and looked then looked him in the eye and said..."I've seen better" and walked out of the room.....he stopped the behavior.

Why Ms esme I'm impressed...

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Why Ms esme I'm impressed...
He REALLY GOT ON MY NERVES!

I thought....I'll teach you to harass the nurses after he was spoken to by the female MD.

Was it technically therapeutic? Probably not.

Was it effective? Yupper!

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Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.

You have to learn how to establish the patient-nurse relationship when it comes to dealing with flirty pts. It does happen but it's pretty few and far between. I've had more occurrences with staff than pts. With that, it's kinda whatever. I don't pay attention to it. There haven't been any instances of overt sexual harassment but I guess I could see it happening. Staff to staff, everyone is kind of a team so there's a lot of joking around and trying to keep things light in spite of the stress looming constantly. I had a few other RNs I was chummy with at my last clinical site and honestly it just made it a better experience -- though it may have seemed somewhat unprofessional even my instructor was in on it. No one likes a stiff, "gotta-stay-professional-constantly" student. You're just a student. You don't really have as much to shoulder as they do so if they want to joke with you a little bit that's okay. Flirting, eh, you can just recuse yourself and go talk to your pt (unless they're flirting with you, too, then go find another student who needs assistance with something or bring in a male student with you to help you practice assessments). I wouldn't really focus too much on that. People are people and like GrnTea said it's really no different than being hit on anywhere else. Big deal.

Btw, what's a purity ring going to do, exactly (you should avoid wearing jewelry to clinical, btw)? If you're hoping that it'll be a signal to people to stay away, they won't really care. I wear my engagement ring and when I get hit on and let people know I'm engaged, they still persist with something along the lines of "well, in case it doesn't work out, here's my number." Sheesh! People are people and people are crazy.

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Specializes in Cardiac Stepdown, PCU.

All I can add is... there is a large difference between someone flirting and someone hitting on you. Know you're boundaries and do not be afraid to assert them. For being hit on there is no excuse, but understand there are people out there with naturally flirty personalities. It's just the way they are.

Also, in the "current generation" people seem to have trouble between distinguishing between politeness and flirting. I've dealt with a lot of complaints of someone "hitting on" someone and someone "flirting inappropriately" and it ended up the person was just trying to be nice or helpful (seriously, we have a young girl complain because a man would hold the door open for her (and others)). And this seems to be a thing with either older generations, or very young generations.

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I work as a nursing extern in the Emergency Center for the summer and I had a 16 year old male psych patient flirt unrelentlessly with me during the shift. It's a weird experience but you just have to keep your cool, and not do anything unprofessional. Just try and take it with stride while at the same time not encouraging it or allowing it to continue on past anything harmless.

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