Wrong place, but car wreck please help - page 3

Im in a bad place right now, I dont belong here, Im not a nurse, but its midnight right now and Im alone in my pain and suffering and needed to reach out. Right at the beginning of this month (9th... Read More

  1. by   sister--*
    Life is fleeting whether we live to be 20 or 100. And it's always so hard every time we come face to face with this knowledge on such an intimate level.

    Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. Know also that God has a plan for each of us....for your friend and for you. It was in His design to take him that day. You had no control. The "what ifs" you agonize over would not have changed a thing in His grande design.

    You're here because there are yet other lives for you to touch, to care for, to enhance, to encourage.

    I wish you peace and comfort.
  2. by   tencat
    Vap23, honey, you WILL get through this. Keep reaching out to those you love and realize that you have been through something very traumatic. Sometimes you'll feel like you're going crazy. That's completely normal. I was a volunteer EMT and a school teacher when I responded to an accident involving some of my favorite kids that I really loved. One of them was killed. I spent a lot of time feeling horribly guilty that I couldn't help her. The other kids spent a lot of time feeling very guilty that they survived and she didn't. I just want you to know that you are not alone in this horrid experience. :icon_hug:
  3. by   tnbutterfly
    I too am very sorry about what you have been through. Although your physical trauma was very significant, hopefully these wounds will heal. I understand how much more difficult it is to deal with the mental anguish you are experiencing.

    A few years ago when my daughter was 18, she was involved in a terrible car crash that took the life of her roommate. That wreck was due to the negligence of the driver of the other car. As a mother, it was very difficult for me to see my daughter go through excruciating physical pain. But it was even harder to see her pain as she dealt with, and still deals with, the emotional trauma.

    Survivor guilt is very real and tough to deal with. There are so many questions that there are no answers to. I feel deeply for you as you are going through this difficult time. There have been many excellent suggestions here by fellow members.

    It was difficult for my daughter to talk about her emotional pain, but she did keep a diary, and this proved very therapeutic for her. She has talked to me about her feelings, but it took time. It was also a time when she had to be "dependent" again as I had to help her with tasks such as getting out of bed, walking, going to the bathroom, bathing, etc. This came at a time in her life when she had just gained her dependence as she moved away to school. While she was recuperating from her injuries, I had to constantly guard against doing more for her than I needed to. It is difficult for moms to watch their daughters hurt as they struggle to regain control of their lives.

    Please know that you are in my thoughts as you go through this difficult time. You may pm me if you would like to talk about this further.
  4. by   muffie
    vap

    you are still on earth
    you have work to do
    time will tell
    one minute, one hour, one day at a time
    be well
  5. by   Vap23
    Have some lyrics to share, its a song that means alot to me at the moment. Am not going to type out the whole song, but just parts of it. Hold it close to my heart.

    Its kinda hard with you not around
    know your in heaven smiling down
    watchin us while we pray for you
    everyday i pray for you

    Till the day we meet again
    in my heart is where i keep you my friend
    memories give me the strength i need to proceed
    strenth i need to believe

    My thoughts big I just cant define
    Wish i could turn back the hands of time
    Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks
    You and me, watchin flicks

    Makin hits, stages they recieve on you
    I still cant believe your gone
    give anything to hear half your breaht
    i know your still living life after death

    Somebody tell me why

    On that morning
    when this life is over
    I know
    Ill see your face

    Every step I take
    every move I make
    every single day
    every time I pray
    ill be missing you
  6. by   Vap23
    Just thought I would add an update.

    I went to church today for the first time since my accident. One of the ladies in church, who i havnt really spoken to much in the past is a counselor, I went to her house to eat tonight and to talk. I feel like there has been some weight lifted off my shoulders, to have people around me that are willing to listen. Im raelly greatful I have that.

    I didnt take commuion or anything, I couldnt join in worship (I was invovled in the music group). I felt uneasy actually in the church service. I felt like everyone was looking at me, and was scared... that I wuold get scared... and start shaking again.

    I am hoping to move in with a friend at some point, rather than going back to my own apartment and being alone. Cant tolerate much more of sitting here at home with my mom (though I do love her) and just bored from laying on my backside all day long.

    I managed to open up a bit. I have not really cried since I heard the news about Tom, when i first found out, I was pretty much hysterical is probably a good way of putting it. But since, sort of numb....but was a bit tearful this evening, which aparantly is progress.

    not sure if I mentioned it on the thread, but I was in my first year of an MA (music) and was also teaching part time (flute). I know I will go back to teaching part time, I have the time off I need for that rightnow, and I can go back.

    I have decided at ths point, I dont want to continue with my MA. I dont feel up to it, I dont have the concentration, I just dont seem to be enjoying any kind of music right now, and I dont need the pressure. I dont awnt the work load on top of all this.

    Yes Im angry, that this has altered the course of my future. Will I ever be the same person again > NO>and I am angry about that. i want to be my old self, I feel like my personality has changed, I dont know who i am right now.

close