Why are the divorce rates among nurses so high?

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jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B

9 Articles; 4,800 Posts

I have been with my husband for over 20 years. Some stuff just is not worth the argument. And I am too old and crusty to start over. In all seriousness, it is the divorce rate in general, as opposed to a specific job. We live in a time that has websites dedicated to cheating, people thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere, and nope, sorry, I do NOT want to cook ya up a nice hot meal before I take a shower----

Marriage is give and take. That simple. For some, the goal is to raise good kids. That is a team effort. For others, the goals may be different, but it needs to be a team.

Is my marriage perfect? Far from it. But it also comes with an understanding that I am an independent person at the root of the team. So if the grass seems greener elsewhere, I would be able to take care of myself. With that, kids need to be priority--it becomes about them pretty quickly.

So don't do anything dumb. By that I mean don't think for a moment that the young successful man that is poking you on the facebook is a viable option. Keep your head on straight. Give a little, get a little. But know in your heart that you can do this--but are choosing to be part of a team.

And for those going through a divorce right now--you will be content, just a matter of time. Blessings all around.

TiffanyLe

40 Posts

@Tait LOL! Girl, I think we've all had one of those in our lives at one point in time.

TiffanyLe

40 Posts

TiffanyLe, as nurses, we are astute enough to use those skills we learned in mental health nursing to see what traits a person has.

If a individual can bounce back by being laid off, illness, insurmountable circumstances, able to look out for self and others, and able to work on handling emotions, then that is ok. I'm talking about ones who absolutely are heading to train-wreck island, we KNOW it, and then enable the person in a nursing way, by caring for them.

The relationship is one-sided, co-dependent mess for both parties.

Do you think that the nursing profession plays a role in this? Or is it just simply a woman's natural tendency to take care of others?

I'm married to a police officer- both careers have sky high divorce rates. How do we keep it together? We text and talk often. The one day a week we get to spend a full day together, we spend it TOGETHER. Sure, the house is a bit messy, dishes are undone, but what is most important is US!

Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs! :)

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

Do you think that the nursing profession plays a role in this? Or is it just simply a woman's natural tendency to take care of others?

It could be a little of both. But we have to remember that there we male nurses too. It could be an inclination to be proactive in being "an advocate."

I survived DV, which started after I finished nursing school and bought I house. I knew the problems that this person was undertaking, and I didn't want NO parts of it...he was in a middle of a crisis, and didn't want to improve, and was having mental health issues. When he was undergoing severe psychological changes, I knew my life was in danger. We were childhood friends, so it was an extremely dangerous situation for my family. He also self-medicated with weed, which made it worse, AND sducidal. He had major issues in coping, I identified it, yet it was so dangerous, I knew it was going to be a challenge in leaving the relationship, which I did, yet he was dangerous, and reacted with gun violence...he is no longer alive.

Even in hindsight five years fast forward, he had a fixation on me; who knows what would've happened to me, even if I was a friend only. I tried to be supportive, but I knew my safety was more important throughout the whole ordeal. I took an extreme chance to distance myself, but the danger never left until he became violent and committed suicide, with me being a survivor of gun violence.

My example is a can be construed as morbid, but my example is that there are a ton of people who cannot manage their emotions and their personal lives; and poor communication skills.

A relationship involves TWO individuals, a team that have ideas and concepts in life that each much respect. Those may change and be challenged, but not to the point that each person's livelihood and integrity is disrespected. That has to be at the forefront of the relationship, and communication must be a priority.

If work must be discussed, let the vent last about 15 minutes; let your partner vent as well. Then be done about it...work is work, home is home. Plan to do things non-work related, travel with your loved one, even budget consciously if possible, whether it be at a beach or camping or an amusement park or horseback riding, or a road trip, to even going abroad at least ONCE in your lives; something to enjoy in the moment; also have the opportunity to do that separately as well. Value each other and the choices on the journey of your lives together as much as possible. Life is a series of issues and problems and is complex; it has been built like that before us, and certainly after us. You at least want an intimate connection, then make sure that the connection is a healthy one if it is going to be long-term, and lead to bringing children in the world...pass the knowledge on to them as well. Be well rounded as possible for yourselves and your family.

Mac7421

16 Posts

Wow... I didn't read every post, but most, and I found one major and important thing missing.... GOD. Now I have never been married, so scoff if you must. I was engaged for awhile, then she left (yeah SHE, male nurse here). Now that I found God, or should I say He found me, my eyes are being opened in so many ways. And don't fall into the perception that, "Come to Christ and everything is easy." Because it isn't. Through Christ one can just be better prepared for what comes. That said, if your marriage is on the rocks, or your looking at marriage now, I have one word of advice. Look up "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor. Most his stuff is on YouTube, so it's free. Being single now and watching the program made me realize what wrongs I was doing (relationship wise). Want a good marriage? Then it's not who or when you marry, but if God is TRULY in your marriage that will make it work.

Wow... I didn't read every post but most, and I found one major and important thing missing.... GOD. Now I have never been married, so scoff if you must. I was engaged for awhile, then she left (yeah SHE, male nurse here). Now that I found God, or should I say He found me, my eyes are being opened in so many ways. And don't fall into the perception that, "Come to Christ and everything is easy." Because it isn't. Through Christ one can just be better prepared for what comes. That said, if your marriage is on the rocks, or your looking at marriage now, I have one word of advice. Look up "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor. Most his stuff is on YouTube, so it's free. Being single now and watching the program made me realize what wrongs I was doing (relationship wise). Want a good marriage? Then it's not who or when you marry, but if God is TRULY in your marriage that will make it work.[/quote']

No god here, never will be, and we are solid. Please don't preach.

Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs! :)

Mac7421

16 Posts

No god here, never will be, and we are solid. Please don't preach.

Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs! :)

You are absolutely correct. If God was here then this thread would never have started, much less be an issue. So my hope is my observation will bring His presence where it is need. Also, I was unaware that making an observation and suggestion was preaching. But if that's what it is, I'm glad I got the opportunity to do so. By your commenting, you brought this thread right back to "current" so it can be seen more readily by others. So I thank you greatly. I think that I struck such a nerve that you had to condemn my "preaching" means you were the one the message was meant for. I find it funny that we say "Thank God" when we pass exams, pass NCLEX, or get the dream job. And when we want something we "Pray for God's help" like He will magically change everything just like that. Then we confine Him to "just there, just now" and forget Him the rest of the time. I feel that if we strove to have Him more a part of our lives, then the rest would fall into place. Anyways, that's my take and opinion. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, doesn't mean we have to approve of each others. We just have to respect others may not feel or think the same way. That said, I'm not trying to offend you. Merely responding in kind. If I did offend you, then please except my apology, and I hope you have a pleasant day.

TiffanyLe

40 Posts

No god here, never will be, and we are solid. Please don't preach.

Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs! :)

I definitely see how this can sound preachy and agree with you. But Mac7421 brings up a good point that spirituality seems to be missing in times of extreme difficulty.

@Mac7421 - Can you tell me more about your former relationship? Do you think your profession contributed to the breakup?

TiffanyLe

40 Posts

I'm married to a police officer- both careers have sky high divorce rates. How do we keep it together? We text and talk often. The one day a week we get to spend a full day together, we spend it TOGETHER. Sure, the house is a bit messy, dishes are undone, but what is most important is US!

Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs! :)

WOW! You and your hubs are definitely a rare breed. :) What other relationship tips can you provide for those with extremely demanding careers (i.e. law enforcement and nursing)? Do you ever find yourself talking about work to your hubs?

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

We also have to be mindful of how people express their belief system. No offense taken, but I do not make assumptions in the previous posts on what one's belief system.

My personal belief system allow me to be able to walk away and survive an EXTREMELY dangerous situation, survive something that could've been fatal, and enter a healthy relationship, reflective of what I posted on what can be successful. I am comfortable enough to make my belief system in the form of actions and integrity; just because I (or anyone else in this post) declares or doesn't declare their belief system does not declare in neither superior nor inferior to the common thread befallen of the missteps in relationships that were not successful; it doesn't mean that they will not find one either; I believe in the exact opposite.

Mac7421

16 Posts

I definitely see how this can sound preachy and agree with you. But Mac7421 brings up a good point that spirituality seems to be missing in times of extreme difficulty.

@Mac7421 - Can you tell me more about your former relationship? Do you think your profession contributed to the breakup?

My profession contributing to my break up??? Yes and no. It was indirectly responsible. In my EMS days I saw some majorly gory things, and in my inability to know the correct way to cope I turned to drinking. My drinking is what caused the break up. Not that I was abusive or anything like that. It just became that when I wasn't working I was drinking which made me detached. I would come home and not want to talk about what I saw, then drink and still not talk. One day the build up (and her leaving) caused a total break down emotionally. Started looking for help, and that's when God found me (sorry if that's preaching again, but it is fact). Now I'm sober, new RN grad, just relocated and starting life over. So for me, God saved my life, my career, my future patients, and my future relationships (future wife I pray, and friendships as well). I am happier now knowing God then any drink ever made me. So forgive me if I appear overzealous in wanting to share what God (and nothing or no one else) gave me back. And that is my life. Thanks for asking.

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