What does it take to earn respect? - page 5

by Been there,done that 8,492 Views | 48 Comments

I have been a nurse for 30 years and have done anything and everything to advocate for my patients. Why can a doctor.. scream at me ...when I ask for their guidance in a patient care issue?... Read More


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    Quote from been there,done that
    i have been a nurse for 30 years and have done anything and everything to advocate for my patients.

    why can a doctor.. scream at me ...when i ask for their guidance in a patient care issue?
    because you let them?


    Altra and Babs0512 like this.
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    [/QUOTE]if you genuinely see yourself as one who is worthy, as one who holds value...
    all other relationships will fall into place.
    with self-respect, you know you don't deserve to be treated as an inferior, secondary peon.
    therefore, you just wouldn't allow it.

    leslie[/QUOTE]

    Exactly right, Leslie! To be a victim is to agree to play the role of victim. I was afraid to say it in my post, for fear of getting flamed, but I think that sometimes, some of us are abused by docs because, when they play the bully role, we have this little voice inside of us that says "you should play the victim role now; you deserve to play the victim role." I speak from experience. I have had to learn how to do this because I am aflicted with that little voice. However, I have learned that the secret to responding to a bully is learning to tell that little voice to go straight to Hell!, and really mean it, and then play the role of the man or woman who holds power because he or she has earned the right to hold it, and the bully has not.
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    When I was working in the field before I retired, I never let a doctor get by with yelling at me. I would politely tell him that I will be back when he is finished his temper tantram to discuss his patient's issues/concerns. And walked away. This did one or two things 1)it made the doctor madder and he left or 2) it shut him up monemtarily with his mouth hanging open staring at my back as I moved away from him. I am happy to say that for the most part, it shut them up. I would come back and ask if we could now focus on his patients. Which he did in a demure manner. I thanked him when we were done and tell him to have a nice day. Standing up to them does work. If they think that you will just stand there and listen and not say anything, it just gives them more to rant about. So do tell him when he is finished with his outburst that you will come back to the issues at hand. At the end of our discussion, I will tell them that I do not condone "bullying" in the work place. We are all here for the benefit of the patient. Then I shook his hand and told him to have a great day.
    We had such a doc that would not stop yelling at anyone who was there out in the nurses station and he got down right nasty. We finally started calling our head nurse to let her deal with him. and in turn hospital security would also be notified to be on stand-by to escort him downstairs to the CEO's office. Bullying should not be allowed by any fellow employee, regardless of what their role is. We are all there to do the same work. I am a staunch believer in "NO BULLYING" in the workplace period. Doctors do not have a right to scream and yell at the nurses. Without those nurses, his patients would be in a mess. The Docs need to be reminded that we are their ears, eyes, and all the other things we do, and without us, they would still be doing grunt work.... taking their own vitals, giving their own bedbaths, doing their own med pass, etc.... this reminds them of all the jobs we as nurses do to make their own visiting round go smoother.
    I also do not refrain from calling a doctor in the middle of the night either. That's why they get paid the big bucks...I generally start out with "I am sorry to call at such early hours but Mr. so and so is having some difficulty that you should be aware of. For the most part, it gentles their need to yell at you. (not all of them but..)If they can't be in a better frame of mind, I do what others have said, I will call them back when they have had a chance to wake up and focus on the issue at hand. These things do work. I have done it this way for over 20 years. Once docs find out that they are intimidating you, they will continue with the behavior, if they get stopped midway and they figure it out quicker and will stop and apologize. After a few times of doing it, they won't forget it. And the good thing is it stops. If everyone does things this way, he will stop that annoying behavior of a 2 year old.
    Altra and Babs0512 like this.
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    A few thoughts:

    Take the word "doctor" out of the equation. This persons schooling and vocation are irrelevant. Deal with him as you would any abusive jerk.

    This is bullying. Bullying can only happen when their is a perceived power difference. Does this peson truly have power over you? I work in a hospital, which means I work for the hospital, not the doctor.


    Next time, record it. Camera phone, whatever. Don't even hide the fact that you are recording it. Just stay completely calm and rational, despite his temper tantrum. This will probably cause him to escalate, on tape. From that point, there are a number of creative ways to deal with it.


    BTW- this is a male/female thing. I am 49 with life experience outside of nursing, and am physically fit at 190 lbs. I don't get yelled at. Sure, there are some instances where guys get bullied, but it is a lot less common. I don't get bullied in any aspect of my life- Why on earth would I allow it at work?


    Good luck with this moron.
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    I keep thinking about Taxi Driver...."You talkin' to me???-you talkin' to me????" HAHAHAA.
    FranEMTnurse likes this.
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    I am sorry to hear that people are being abused like that. I am a nurse of only one year, and a guy. I have not seen this kind of behavior, but I wouldn't tolerate it, nor would I tolerate an MD speaking to a coworker like that. I think if you have a disrespectful doc on the floor and he is yelling at a nurse, all your co-workers should gather around stand behind that nurse, fold their arms and just stare at him/her. Don't say a thing. Just....stare. I think it would fizzle out quick. We need each others backs. We are the frontline.
    Over-the-hill-Nurse likes this.
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    Next time a doctor talks to you like that, give him a good knee to the .... and say "I can't stop looking at lights. You will be amazed at the kind way people talk to you. Seriously do something. Don't take that from a bastard like that.
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    That type of behavior is not acceptable and I hope your institution has a process in place to report this MD. We're are skilled professionals, not door mats!
    Merlyn likes this.
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    When I worked in peds, I had a doc chew me because I didn't get to the phone fast enough for him. Not long after that, he came striding into the unit with a "Hi! How are you?" as if nothing had ever happened. I just gave him a level gaze and said, "Don't ever talk to me like that again." He didn't.

    I can sympathize with you, BTDT. You were in an urgent position and couldn't just hang up or set the phone on the desk and walk away. Any chance you can see him in person and tell him what a crappy thing have did?
    Merlyn, Aurora77, Sun0408, and 1 other like this.


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