The Trouble With Women . . . .

Ok, most of you who know me are going to be shocked when you read this header . . . Ruby? Talking about the problem with women? No way! And you're right. No way. But if I entitled this article "misogyny", which is really what it's about, how many of you would have started to read?

Misogyny is defined as "the hatred, mistrust or dislike of women."

As a survivor of domestic violence, I thought i knew about misogyny. During the years of my abusive marriage and the recovery period afterward, I educated myself as much as possible on the subject. I was able to identify my abusive ex-husband as a misogynist, and his three (equally abusive to their spouses) brothers as well. I learned that I had done nothing to provoke his attacks on me, and that he wasn't ever going to change unless he wanted to -- and he was happy with himself as he was. Hating women gave him someone to whom he could feel superior. Because he felt inferior, he needed that. Years later, he told me that he had always believed I was smarter than he was, and that intimidated him. He responded by intimidating me physically.

What I never realized until reading "allnurses.com" the past few years is how many women are misogynists.

The first time I read a header like "the trouble with women" or a post that flatly stated "women are nasty, catty, backstabbers" I fully expected the poster to be jumped upon with both feet by every woman reading the post. When that didn't happen, it surprised, then disappointed, then dismayed me. When so many female posters jumped in to agree with these misogynistic statements, I was shocked and saddened. I am no longer shocked by how many members of this board appear to hate, mistrust or dislike women, but I continue to deplore the phenomenon. And that so many of these misogynists are women themselves -- that I find even more deplorable. hypocritical and deplorable.

Anyone defining an entire gender through a lens of hatred or mistrust is, at best, a bigot. A woman defining her entire gender this way is, unless she attributes these same negative stereotypes to herself, her sisters and her best friend is also a hypocrite.

How many of us these days would publicly refer to a person with black skin as "the 'n' word"? It's just not done. would you refer to your gay male cousin and his long-term partner as "a pair of ****"? Probably not in polite company. Yet women are called -- even in popular music -- names describing female dogs, names intimating that they earn their livings taking money for sex or names defining them by their genitalia.

If we feel so negatively toward an entire gender, how are we treating our female patients? I find it difficult to believe that someone can make a bald statement about how they hate working with women because they're all catty and backstabbing and then go out and treat their female patients with caring and respect. And if we're working so hard to respect races, cultures and religions other than our own, why are we not working equally hard to respect both genders?

The fact that so many nurses are women would have led me to believe that this is a female-friendly web site. instead, the opposite is true. never have i read the hatred and vitriol against women that I've read here, much of it spouted by other women who then go on to say "I can say that because I am female myself."

Well, honey, I'm so sorry for you. I'm sorry that you define an entire gender by negative stereotypes when I'm almost completely certain you don't define people of other races or cultures by similar standards. and I'm so very sorry that you hate yourself so much you define your entire gender that way. Misogynists are sad, emotionally stunted people. female misogynists are worse.