Spouse Turning Nonsupportive During NP School

[danceswithsnakes]

I'm in graduate school to be a nurse practitioner. My spouse was supportive at first but since it is becoming an inconvenience to him he is getting resentful, starting fights, blaming me for being the one who wanted to go be a nurse practitioner, he's sick of all this nursing crap...etc., etc., etc.. It's stressing me out, I feel like I'm going through a change and evolving into a different person and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it. We have children so it makes things a lot more complicated. I'm not exactly in love with nursing, I'm sick of going to school myself, but I'm trying to look at the bigger picture of what would be best for my family. I"m only 1/4 of the way through the program, so there's a ways to go. I'm the only one who works, pays bills, mortgage, and all living expenses, so I feel like I'm dealing with a spoiled child who's dragging everything down. I just don't know what to do. I've definitely grown apart from my husband in so many ways, and I'm afraid of more frustration if I quit school so I'm more available to cater to him. I just don't know what to do.

[metal_m0nk, BSN, RN]

Since when did the idea of a new career become more important than an already existing marriage?

Fixed your quote.

In answer to your question, it has been since some men have neglected to man up and provide for their families (as is the OP's situation). It has been since some men have abandoned their families altogether, leaving mothers to be both caregivers and bread winners. Unfortunately, love doesn't pay for braces.

For someone who seems bent on traditional values, I would imagine that you'd agree with the sentiment that it is a man's responsibility to take care of his family financially and to do so, many men focus on their careers. Would you say that a man who focuses on his career is putting his own needs before his family? If not, then you can't assume that of a woman either.

[rmicu, MSN, NP]

After reading all of the posts, especially the original poster, I am reminded of Shakespeare's play, King Lear, I believe.

A father passing on wisdom to his son: " Son, never give advice, wise men don't need it and fools won't heed it."

The original poster needed to vent and seems to have already come to a decision.

Our replies have been based on our personal beliefs and experience, as they should be.

Ultimately, the original poster will do what she has been wanting to do and our words, as wise, insightful and engaging as they are, will not change that.

I love allnurses---- such cool people here!!!

[Katie5]

Wow wow people slow down. All too often people are so quick to aggravate issues without hearing both sides of the story, From what OP typed here, the guy seems like a jerk, but let's not be so quick to condemn.

He is innocent until proclaimed guilty. Besides I don't think we should even be giving advice on what we know not.. or what we think we know.

And attitudes like she pays the bills so the man should worship at her feet is not exactly healthy. He's self-esteem may already be in the dumps and he's trying to lash out somehow.

At the OP

Don't be too hasty... think and be sure. Marriage indeed is becoming a lost instituition. Sad.

[enchantmentdis, BSN, RN]

He also really doesn't want to listen to your stories or rants; obviously unable to listen for very long before he loses interest. My husband starts fidgeting after several seconds and actually starts strenously objecting after 5 mins. I'm allowed five minutes, isn't that ridiculous? Sad, but this happens a lot. Turn to your nursing buddies for support. He basically wants you to suffer in silence, or pretend you're not suffering at all, and he is jealous of you, wants you to be warm to him despite your troubles, and he doesn't even realize it. It is not easy to be married even when everything seems smooth and easy, and it is much harder when you don't feel validated by your spouse. Unfortunately, you will have to show sincere interest in him and his silly insignificant hobbies before he is willing to see your side of things. Marriage can be a nightmare for some.

[enchantmentdis, BSN, RN]

After reading all of the posts, especially the original poster, I am reminded of Shakespeare's play, King Lear, I believe.

A father passing on wisdom to his son: " Son, never give advice, wise men don't need it and fools won't heed it."

The original poster needed to vent and seems to have already come to a decision.

Our replies have been based on our personal beliefs and experience, as they should be.

Ultimately, the original poster will do what she has been wanting to do and our words, as wise, insightful and engaging as they are, will not change that.

I love allnurses---- such cool people here!!!

goood looord.

[Zookeeper3]

I think the OP has gotten a great mix of advice.., we'll all never agree anyway, lol. I say hash it out first, others say ditch him, some say you have a family, get your stuff straight, others say go for the degree.

When we vent to an internet site, this is what we get- a mix of everything, much of what we didn't want to hear. Hopefully the OP can use this to make a decision or cement one that looks likely. Remember how we feel when we vent and post things isn't always as strong the next day.