Single moms, daycare and day shift

Nurses General Nursing

Published

When I first got divorced I was working as a corporate nurse. M-F, flexible hours 8-ish to 4-ish, no holidays, no weekends. Then I got laid off.

I collected UI and with their blessing, went back to school full-time but still was able to manage the kids' schedules and be here for them when they needed me.

UI ran out and I was waitlisted for the LPN-RN bridge program I applied to. So I had to redesign my whole life plan. My ex is unemployed but we have 50/50 custody so at any point, should he decide, he can take me to court for half of my income. Therefore, I have to play nice with him in the sandbox.

I went back to work 24 hours a week night shift and found the physical demands were too much. I'm still trying to finish up this semester and I am full-time. I was never seeing my kids and contrary to popular belief, one cannot live without sleep.

I have the option of switching to days which works well for me. Right now I'll be doing "desk" which is 8-4p however they are eliminating this position sometime in June and will go to primary nursing. The hours will be 7-3 and include of course, every other weekend.

I live an hour and 10 mins from my job. My kids' school is 1/2 hour away. I leave for work at 5:30a. How on EARTH do people who work 7-3 find daycare that early in the morning?? And dear Lord my kids will be a hot mess having to wake up that early everyday! I'm going to try and schedule as many of my days on the days the kids are at their dad's house but need the 40 hours a week to make ends meet. I don't have any family around either.

How can I make this work?! Also, I don't know HOW I'm going to fit school in there. Do I have to let go of my dream of becoming an RN for now? Being an RN would open up so many more options for me in terms of scheduling but my schedule may prevent me from doing that.

Ideas?

Like Caitlyn, I did the same for a neighbor's kids when I was a senior in HS. I had babysat for them for a few years when they went out on dates. Then they divorced. Mom had the kids and had a 90 minute commute each way plus her 9 hour day. I would show up in the morning, wake up the whole house, get the kids ready while she got ready. Then I'd wait with the kids at the bus while Mom took off for work.

I went to school, then my afternoon job (I cleaned houses which didn't take too long and averaged $15/hour). I was always done by 6 so I'd get the kids from their after-school care and pop in dinner that was pre-made by Mom. She got home in time to have dinner with them and she'd help with their homework if it wasn't completed at after-school care. Since I had babysat for them for a few years and knew they were on hard times, I didn't ask for pay. She knew she was getting free care but I was kind of part of the family at that point. So, when I got married at 18, she paid for all of the flowers for the bridal party. We called it even.

When you work out something with those around you, it can be a win-win for everyone. And those folks don't necessarily have to be family.

I'll say a prayer for you that something works out. (((HUGS)))

Up Vote Up Vote ×

How old are your children? Mine were perfectly able to respond to an alarm clock, make their own breakfast and sandwiches/fruit for lunches at 6 and 9, and get on the school bus at 0730 when I had to be at work at 0630.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
How old are your children? Mine were perfectly able to respond to an alarm clock make their own breakfast and sandwiches/fruit for lunches at 6 and 9, and get on the school bus at 0730 when I had to be at work at 0630.[/quote']

A six year old and nine year old alone for an hour in the morning? I don't think I could ever leave my young children alone for an hour until they got on the bus.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Management, Med/Surg, Clinical Trainer.

Have you considered working nights? If you work 3 -12's a week and have the kids stay with your ex husband on those nights so he can get them off to school. You can pick them up from school after you have had some sleep from the previous night of work.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
A six year old and nine year old alone for an hour in the morning? I don't think I could ever leave my young children alone for an hour until they got on the bus.

Up to you. But I'll tell you, when I had my babies I read an anthro book about a tribe in Australia that when you're weaned and the next baby comes along when you're about three, you're on your own to find your own food. I read that and said, Well, hell, I think my four-year-old can pour Rice Chex.

Another really great resource for you is Lenore Skenazy, whose website Free Range Kids may reassure you as to the competence of the average child.... and the safety that so many people don't believe exists. Your kids can do this if you teach them. Believe me, it's a lot, lot, lot easier parenting competent children who are sure that their parents have faith in them.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

. Quote from Green Tea:

"Believe me, it's a lot, lot, lot easier parenting competent children who are sure that their parents have faith in them."

Could not agree more!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

It's not my children's competencies that I'm worried about. I do not doubt that they would do just fine getting themselves up and ready. My concern lies in the idea of them being alone for an hour. This world has turned into a scary, scary place. Every day children are kidnapped, hurt, and killed. It's the other people in the world I do not trust, not my children.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

And thank you for you concern but my children know that I have faith in them and I believe my parenting is just fine.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Management, Med/Surg, Clinical Trainer.
A six year old and nine year old alone for an hour in the morning? I don't think I could ever leave my young children alone for an hour until they got on the bus.

And each parent makes a choice as to what their own children are capable of doing. Grntea made a choice that worked for her.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
It's not my children's competencies that I'm worried about. I do not doubt that they would do just fine getting themselves up and ready. My concern lies in the idea of them being alone for an hour. This world has turned into a scary, scary place. Every day children are kidnapped, hurt, and killed. It's the other people in the world I do not trust, not my children.

You know me by now-- I'm an evidence-based practice kinda gal.

As a matter of fact, there are fewer kidnappings, murders, etc. than there were twenty years ago. You can look it up. What there is more of is sensational news coverage...and if it's a slow news day, what do you get? "It was eight years go this week that little Betty Sue Cutie disappeared from ..." One of the things that Lenore's website will help you with is actual reality-based statistics and examples. One of my faves is the poll that asked parents, "What's the chance that your child will be abducted if you send him to the mailbox on the corner or let him wait for the school bus with friends?" The answers were in the 75-85% range...which, if you think about it, is ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous.

Think about it. If there were, say, 100,000 child abductions in the US in a year (people believe that, too), that would be about 2000 per state, on average. Think you would have heard about that near you? Have two thousand children disappeared in your state, year after year after year? Have two hundred? Twenty? Of course not.

Look, everyone does the best they can with their kids. And research is showing more and more young adults who feel helpless because they've never been able to meet challenges and learn to care for themselves. I learned long ago that I didn't have kids to keep them dependent and sheltered; I had them to learn by experience, learn to overcome failure, learn to care for themselves so they could go out in the world.

It starts small, with a three-year-old who can learn to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or serve the cat her dinner. Sloppy? Sure. But it's an accomplishment. Then it's being able to ask, "What's the weather report?" to decide on wearing a coat to school. If she makes the wrong decision, what really happens? She's chilly and maybe can't go out with her friends for recess, bummer. Next time you say, "It's going to be cold today," she'll listen. Next it's getting to the school bus on time. If she misses it, then what? (My favorite question to ask when there are worries raised). Then she might miss a day of school. And then what? She'll miss a homework assignment. And then what? She'll get a zero for it. And then what? And sooner or later you get down to the idea that she'll be more careful about making the bus on time next time, because she learned what happens when she doesn't. And you get to praise her for making good decisions when they're small and safe.

I stand by my assertion that the average intelligent grade school child is perfectly able to learn how to tell time and get on a school bus at the corner without direct adult intervention. My siblings and I did it when I was a kid, my kids did it when I was a working nurse single mother, and now my eldest grandchild (7) does it (the others are too little for school). I believe that's a good consideration when you take the long view. It's also great for a kid to know that by doing this, mom can be going to work to help support the family; he's doing what he can to make that happen. Very empowering for a little guy. And good for the younger one to see as a privilege he can achieve as he gets bigger.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Where I live is quite rural. No community centers around. The nearest high school is 1/2 hour away. My kids are 11, 10 and 7. My 10 yr old is a T1D. The neighborhood I live in is a seasonal lake community. There are very few families left here during the school year.

I don't have the option of moing closer to town. There is nothing affordable and I have to keep the kids in the same school district per our custody agreement. The Ex will not come here as he is at the bottom of the mountain, so 1/2 hour away. I had three nannies the first summer up here when I was working. The commute was too much and they ALL wanted extra money to drive here. I couldn't afford them!

I think I've got it figured out with the Ex though. He hasn't committed yet. We will see what summer brings!! Thanks for your thoughts!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Oh shoot and regarding school, I've taken as many classes as I can online except for Pharm courses but I can't take those until I'm accepted. An all online course isn't an option because I can't use financial aid/student loans to pay for it. At least the last time I looked at distance programs.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment