Single Mom Nurses,,teens and NOC shift?

Nurses General Nursing

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Hi,, Just curious if there are other single moms with teens who are trying to figure out the best work schedule?? I have discovered there is no perfect shift for me.. Days sounds ideal but really, when I was orienting days, my son missed the bus twice, forgot lunch money, my daughter got sick at school,,,there wasn't anything I could do about any of it! Now I work pms M-F and am home by 11p,, so I am home to take them to school on the mornings (which is something that is important to them both) and be there if anyone forgets their homework or lunch money.. but not there in the eve. They always took the bus home or walked so that did not change... On a typical week night, they are in their rooms, doing homework, etc so I don't see whole lot of them anyway..I felt kinda weird about doing NOC shift because it seems wrong to leave them alone overnight (16 and 13).My kids are really great, never had any kind of trouble, very responsible..not the stereotypical teens..they prefer I do pms over days after the two weeks of orientation when everything went wrong and I couldn't come..,,well I got a call from work to see if I could do a NOC over the weekend. I talked to my daughter and asked how she felt if I tried it once and see how it went ( we can really (REALLY) use the extra $),,,she was like "why not all we are doing is sleeping"..our N'hood is the safest around, have a house alarm, have 2 huge dogs and I kept my phone on the desk out constantly checking it..There were no problems,,having said that..why do I still feel weird about doing that? Part of me thinks,, what's the big deal, it's not like I was out in a bar all night and most robberies happen in the day time ..yet I still feel like a bad mom..on Mothers Day no less..(ps asking the dad for help here is not optional)

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Specializes in NICU, PICU, PACU.

Will you be home in time for the morning routine, since that seemed to be an issue. We had an adjustment period in my house when I went to dayshift (my hubby works the same shift). I implemented an evening routine of get your stuff together and make sure all things are in the backpacks, purses, etc. If she missed her ride, then she has to suffer the consquence at home and at school (this is my late all the time kid). Once the oldest got her license it was easier, oh so much easier! lol Scary, but it has made life much easier! I liked the change to days because then we did have our eves, especially in the summer. If days is what you want, then you just have to get them to adapt to it. Like I said,it was a big change here too, I worked eves for a lot of years while they were young. It can work! Good luck!

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I understand you not wanting to leave them alone during the night, that's a hard choice to make.

If you went to days again, could you find a retired neighbor that would be there to shoo them off to school? She could also be on call for sick days.

If it absolutely doesn't work, you could always look at clinic nursing. There are many that open late enough for you to still get the kids to the bus. Or school nursing?

Wish I had more advice for you... I'm in a similar boat but my kids are younger. I'm going with a nanny, she's willing to work fairly cheap as I'm giving her room and board and I'm super lucky that her needs/schedule happened to line up with our needs.

Just don't beat yourself up, you aren't a terrible mother. A terrible mother probably wouldn't be worried enough about her kids to go out asking for advice. You'll find the answer soon enough.

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my regular work week is the M-F 3-11,,they don't "need" a babysitter..just wondering if anyone else thought it would be wrong to pick up an occaisional NOC ..I would LOVE to find someone who wants to live in,,we have an extra room too..I have put the word out and am hoping a nice college girl could use a place to stay for some light nanny duty will turn up.

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Specializes in NICU.

Oh, I thought you were asking about going to straight Nocs - which is more of a commitment. I think picking up extra Nocs is just fine. You have structures in place to keep them safe (alarm, dogs, 911)...in fact they're probably not much safer with you home. It just "feels" funny.

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Re your worry about picking up night shifts, I think if your kids are responsible and feel comfortable being home, then it works for you. Every family is unique in their dynamics and what works/doesn't. If your kids are ok, then of course you aren't bad for working extra hours when you can to support them.

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Last note, I had put the word out through local colleges as well as a church. No replies. Went to care.com and had 12 applicants within a week, including a few from one of the colleges I'd contacted! Its a great site.

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If your kids are okay with it and you feel they have a history of being responsible young adults, sure, sounds fine. I have personally done this with my children, who are about the same age as yours. I have also had coworkers who have tried to do this, only to have constant phone calls all evening and through out the night: one child has anxiety and was scared about everything, siblings were bickering, it was constant drama.

When I have done this with my kids, we simply reviewed what the expectations were: lock all doors, don't open to anyone. In bed at a reasonable hour. Set alarms to get up in a timely manner for school. Completely clean up the kitchen prior to bed. Completely tidy the bathroom prior to bed. Feed the pets. Keep phones at bedside in case of emergency. No going outside after dark. Do not call me about any bickering: solve these problems yourselves. You have each other's back: I expect you to be kind and loving to one another. In the event of emergency: Call 911 first, then call me, then call the neighbor across the street.

I also have a great neighbor across the street. Whenever I've left the kids alone, I've texted her to ask if they could call her or go to her house if they needed something. She has always been very willing to do this. Whenever I've done this, I've brought a little meal for her (she's a single gal) as a thank you. She doesn't really know how to cook, so it ends up being a win-win situation for everyone. I'm just a little more comfortable knowing that someone is immediately available for them, she'll report any inappropriate activity she notes, and the girls know that someone is watching out for them. Maybe you have a neighbor you trust who can fulfill this role for you?

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Specializes in NICU, PICU, PACU.

I thought you meant going to straight nights too....if they are okay with it and your comfortable, then no prob. If you picked on on Fri or Sat you wouldn't have to worry about anyone getting up late :)

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Specializes in pediatrics, geriatric, developmentally d.

Oh yes pick up a weekend NOC once a week or so you dont have to worry about them waking up late im sure they will be sleeping in by the time your shift is over also someone mentioned care.com i have to agree when i was in school i needed extra cash and i need childcare experience what better way to do that than babysitting/nannying it was super convenient and worked out for both parties. there are a ton of applicants maybe even in your area. you should look into it if you are comfortable having someone live-in with you do it! it seems like its working out for now but im sure they will be ok with you doing a NOC

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Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

I would try to find an adult friend who could spend the night once in a while. Your kids are good now, but it might be nice if someone had your back, so to speak. imho, it's an invitation for problems, esp if the kids @ school find out that yours are "home alone". They could decide to party @ your house and "invite" themselves over.

idk, it's a scary situation.

Best wishes!

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Sorry for confusing everyone ,, yes I'm just talking NOC once in awhile..mostly because thats the shift they can never find coverage for lol..talked to my daughter again this morning and said "it's no big deal mom, we just did what we normally do,, and we can call or text if we need anything" She is very responsible, and a great kid,, I have zero concerns about "the kids at school" coming over or anything like that.. mostly just kinda wondering what the consensus would be on an age to leave them alone overnight,, being in constant contact via cell did make it feel a little less horrible,,lol..

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