New Nurse In Tears...

Nurses General Nursing

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I just had to get some kind of guidance or input...

I am a new grad (5/06) and I work 7P-7A on a Medical/Oncology unit. I usually average from 5-7 patients per shift. I have had a "run" of VERY involved patients for the last month or so. Last night one of my elderly patients had lung CA with liver mets, confused, c/o abd pain for the last few days, no BM for 3-4 days, enemas with no result, distended abd... I'm thinking obstruction. The MD finally orders the patient NPO and and NGT. The tube returned 900cc's dark brown drainage. I constantly irrigated the tube because it would get clogged with particles.

To make a very long story short, I checked on him at 0600 and he was resting comfortably with a respiration rate of about 16/min. I did not wake him. At 0700 when the morning tech was getting vitals, the pt had no BP or pulse, spontaneous respirations, and was totally unresponsive. We coded the pt (my very first code) and sent them to the CCU. He was coded again in the CCU...

I have cried non-stop ever since with NO consoloation from the charge nurses. I got home and tried to sleep, but I keep going over the events of the night in my head.... what could I have done differently, did I document everything, was my charting accurate and up to par, etc.

I am absolutely scared to death, doubting myself and my abilities, and I am an emotional wreck. I have been out of school for 5 months and I feel like I am drowning! I run all night long while others are doing crossword puzzles at the nurses station... and I go as hard as I can all night long and still can't keep my head above water. I don't feel like I can go on at this pace for much longer.

I cannot begin to say how much your words of wisdom, advice, and consolation mean to me. I am so thankful I decided to post on this site... you all are wonderful. After about 3 to 4 hours of sleep, I feel some better. I know that this is all a part of nursing, but I really had no idea it would be this hard! I have had hospice patients die before, but this was a totally different situation. I think the stress and frustration of the entire night just sent me over the edge! I am going to "get back on the horse and ride" Wednesday night... I hope it goes much better than the last few nights!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's wonderful to know that I am able to share with such a wonderful group of caring people!

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Specializes in Med-Surge.

I am absolutely scared to death, doubting myself and my abilities, and I am an emotional wreck. I have been out of school for 5 months and I feel like I am drowning! I run all night long while others are doing crossword puzzles at the nurses station... and I go as hard as I can all night long and still can't keep my head above water. I don't feel like I can go on at this pace for much longer.

I can say that I honestly know how you feel. I am constantly going, going, and going. While everyone else is sitting talking and reading books. I also feel like I am such a fish out of water. I had good grades in school, but I am having such a hard time putting it together at work. I hope that your days get better. I have also been crying today, because of a stupid medication error. I posted about it on the "Have you ever made a medication error?" thread. Best wishes to you and to me!

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Specializes in UR/PA, Hematology/Oncology, Med Surg, Psych.

Please remember to take care of yourself, you are not only in a new job, but whole new profession. Nursing can be very demanding, and the responsibility awesome, so take the time to be good to yourself and know that you are learning so much every day, gaining confidence and experience. Someday I am sure you will be so much more comfortable in your role as a nurse, just give yourself the time to grow. Work as hard as you can and never lose sight that the patient is your one and only focus and you will do just fine. Also, even super-confident, experienced, veteran nurses take the time after they lose a patient (usually starting on the way home) to think over the care they gave. Everything is a learning/growing experience, the positive and the negative. It will get better.

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I to grad in May and had the same experience a few months ago. I can not tell you that it will not bother you for awhile, or that you can simply try to forget it. I still think of that night and wonder if I could have done anything different. I have been through the centinal event team meetings which showed me that I did do what I could have done but still the Drs. want to blame it on inexperience which was soon put to rest when the other nurses on the floor that night backed me up.

Keep going and learning especially charting, you will learn quickly which pts you need to go above and beyond the normal charting. I now start charting every thirty minutes on any pt that I feel may get worse and I am a stickler in placing times and conversations with Drs. for I found out quickly that they will not back you up but rather place the blame on you unless you can prove them wrong.

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Specializes in Emergency.

Why is it that the new grads end up in tears?? It certainly is the case with me and I was never a big crier. Anyways, just wanted you to know that I run around like crazy as well, while many of the other nurses complain of how bored they are. I do ask for help, but only if I am getting behind. I have not had a pt crash on my shift(at least one assigned to me), but two pts have coded at 1945, right after shift change. One had a 30 beat vt, went pulseless, aicd did not go off, cpr started, and she went to the ccu faster than all get out. The other had a massive MI and I guess had blood coming out of the foley during???? I think they went to the unit, because I saw them back on our floor a week ago so I know they are still kicking!

Anyways, on both occasions I was back the next day and the nurse asked what happened or what I did since the events were so different than the report. The answer: change in status. Happens all the time, often suddenly. Although I have to admit that I do worry that something I had done/ didn't do might have caused it. I think that comes just from the lack of experience. I will never be the nurse that asks another nurse that. It is unnecessary and not funny. But I will also always be nice to the students and new grads, and offer help when I can. Maybe it was the great nurses who were kind to me when I needed help, but I will never forget how a few kind words can change the course of a day. I imagine that you will be the same way. BTW, you can be on my code team anyday!

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