I am a nursing student who has become a professional student. I failed clinical last Fall semester and was devastated. Knowing God, He has definitely fought a great battle for me. I was ready to throw in the towel after 2 nursing school failures - not because of stupidity but because of the need to work and support myself.
In return, I volunteered to care for a friend's mother who had CHF and little did we know, a bad case of undiagnosed gout that left her painful and no one patient enough to deal with her situation. I opted to go down south for a month thinking it would make things better but I ended up staying for 2 and a half. It was not easy, being away from home and my family. However, I love my fiance and even though his mom is picky and a bit bothersome, I managed to make a difference in her and his life. This in a way was a wonderful clinical for me outside of school. I still remembered a lot and that voice inside of me telling me I did not know what I was doing like my instructor shouted at me was a lie. I just did not have nursing experiences when I went to clinical that was trying and nursing asst. work did not cover my bills.
However, my problem mostly was FEAR all the time. Going and working with my fiance's mom proved to me that I did know what I was doing but never had a chance to prove it. The visiting nurses were wonderful and listened to me --- they understood my medical language and me theirs. I advocated for her and several routines and meds were changed and continued. I kept a log of my daily functions/routines and taught the new caregiver - who is non-medical and a little challenged - how to give insulin (breaking it down that a child could understand). I really felt like going to school was not in vain.
During nursing school, I was Bab and Nancy did not get a chance to come along. However, during my out-of-clinical experiences, I learned to be like Nancy and amazed myself.
I am proud to have had this experience to work with someone whose knees were not bending and enveloped in pain from undiagnosed gout. When the PT team would not go any further because she was hopeless to work with, I stepped up to the plate to try.
Although my fiance's mom has not fully bended her knees since November or walked, PT has been prescribed by her doc once again. I will go back after a couple of weeks' break to accompany her with the beginning of PT in which she fears the pain (I can't get her to do it without me being present). Her diabetes is under control better than it was in the rehab center (she was rushed to the hospital 2x due to hypoglycemia of 29 and 39 mg/dL overnight. I have always feared working with diabetics and now I have worked with one for over 2 1/2 months and managed to identify her personal symptoms of certain discomforts; managing to overcome them non-pharmacologically when the medicine she needed was not prescribed because her diagnosis was not accurate.
All and all Babs, I know like you about fear but you do what you have to.
I will be going back to school to complete my calling and possibly adding PT for my life goal at 48.
God Bless you for your honesty.