If the backstabber tells you what you did and informs managment, is that backstabbing - page 3

Hi, I graduated last year...I got reported many times in the past and lost jobs...Now, I am fearful of every co worker I meet..I dont trust no one...I am sometimes very defensive and hostile in a way... Read More

  1. by   Zookeeper3
    When I was in third grade, I hate my best friend of 3 years for being a "tattle tale". to me the term "backstabber" fits the discription. Sorry, but if you are unsafe, nasty, unskilled, short tempered (taking it out on your patients)... I'll first lend a hand, then if you repeat yourself, the problem is YOU, tried, then on to management I go.

    this don't backstab is so elementary, that it lacks the true essence of being a professional, I feel like I'm arguing with my teen

    When professional registered nurses are FORCED to go behind your back and lodge complaints with management, it is likely that they have had multiple unsuccessful attempt to speak to you and you couldn't hear the message, your posts, IMHO speak to this. I'm sorry, I've tried to come up with a nicer approach, but...

    any professional nurse, when a patient is in danger will intervene and then follow up with management. It seems to be a common denomenator with you, I can't help you from here. The rest is up to you.
  2. by   ♪♫ in my ♥
    Quote from llg
    Yes it does -- and everyone should be reporting themselves! That's a major component of professionalism -- taking personal responsibility for your practice and holding yourself accountable for it.

    We all make mistakes, but if they are serious enough to be fired over, YOU should have reported them yourself. The person who told you that she was going to report your error was behaving appropriately, giving you the chance to step up to the plate and say, "That's not necessary. I will report it myself. Thank you for poiniting it out to me so that I can correct the situation. Would you like to go with me as I report it?" THAT's how you should respond when a co-worker finds an error that you committeed.
    I think this is an extremely valuable point. If I made an error of some sort for which my colleague reported me, I'd hope the response from the manager was, "Thanks for letting me know. He already wrote up an incident report."

    Of course, mistakes happen. The real issue is how we respond to them. If we hide our mistakes then they are compounded (not to mention that we've committed fraud). If we bring them out in the open then they can be examined and perhaps help to drive system changes that help to reduce further errors.
  3. by   DaFreak71
    I am but a lowly nursing student (:spin so obviously I don't have the experience of being an RN yet. I am unfamiliar with the politics of the job. With that said, I can share my experience in clinical with you that taught me a valuable lesson.

    I once had a patient on the med/surg unit who had severe pancreatitis. She was in a lot of pain and I was very attentive to her and made it a priority to get her the ordered pain meds as soon as she was allowed to get them again. Her sister remained in the room with her, and I was sure to include her in the interactions that I had with my patient. So essentially, I was being as compassionate and concerned as I am capable of being (which is quite a lot).

    she had an NG tube w/ continuous suction and when I was giving her the meds , I was so concerned with ensuring she got pain relief ASAP that I forgot to turn off the suction when I gave the meds. I immediately realized my mistake and I went to my clinical instructor and told her what happened. We both went into my patients room and explained the error. I apologized and my instructor explained to both the patient and the sister that I was a student and was still learning how to handle the equipment, etc. The patient totally understood and said "no problem".

    To my surprise, the sister marched down to the nurses station and claimed that I was incompetent (of course I am, lol...I'm a student). It hurt my feelings because both the patient and the sister acted as though they totally understood that as a student, mistakes are made but what was most important is that I admitted them immediately and was forthcoming about my error.

    There were no consequences for my mistake, no write ups, no lecture. Instead, I was patted on the shoulder and told that I did the right thing and that I learned a lesson in the process.

    My point here is that when you are humble, most people respect that. They will view you as a person who is willing to learn to ensure that future mistakes aren't made, and even if they are, you will be honest about them instead of hoping nobody noticed and leaving your fellow nurse with an ethical dilemma.

    The advice given on this post is spot on. I can understand what is like to be mistrustful and feel like the world is out to f*#k you. I had a time in my life where this is the very attitude that I had. The only person I ended up hurting was myself. Nobody wanted to be my friend or even be around me. In retrospect, I don't blame them one little bit. Negativity is so soul draining.

    I've said a prayer for you and it is my most sincere hope that you will take some time to be introspective about this issue. I get the feeling you've been hurt emotionally about the write ups and firings you have experienced (it would make me feel sad too). You need a fresh start with a brand new outlook. Getting some help and doing some soul searching is the first step. :icon_hug:
    Last edit by DaFreak71 on Sep 27, '07 : Reason: poor sentence structure, LOL
  4. by   classicdame
    There are times when it is necessary to alert management about unsafe employees. If there is any consistency in the remarks made about you then I suggest you consider a flicker of truth is really there. Also, see if your facility offer employee assistance for anxiety, etc. Could be that some counseling will help you resolve some issues and become a happier person, as well as more productive employee. Good luck in your search!
  5. by   loricatus
    Quote from rn/writer
    Could it be that your co-workers go to management because your response to them is to become (in your own words) "sometimes very defensive and hostile?'"

    When you appear to blow off inquiries or reject correction, you pretty much demand that your co-workers get management involved. It isn't a peer's job to arm wrestle you into compliance. If you've been approached and you appear to have dismissed what they've said or you've treated them with disrespect, you don't leave them any other option.

    If, on the other hand, you work to rein in your negativity and try to develop a more gracious response, they might be satisfied that their message has been received and they'd consider their mission accomplished.

    I have been "corrected" a number of times over the length of my practice. Sometimes I agreed with the input, sometimes I thought that the matter was one of preference and not one of right or wrong, and sometimes I flat out disagreed. But, you know what? You can use the same response for all three situations. "Thanks for telling me what's on your mind. I'll give it some serious thought." And I have done exactly that.

    Using such a response doesn't mean, "I agree." It means I'll consider what the other person has to say. It also means that, no matter what the result, in the end I am open to my co-workers and to new ideas. Even if we have to agree to disagree, I still appreciate the effort. It keeps me sharp when I have to think through what I do and why I do it a certain way. On occasion, I am exceedingly grateful to a fellow nurse for catching something that is actually a violation of policy and procedure. Maybe the protocol was changed and I didn't know. Maybe I had a blind spot and never realized it.

    Defensiveness and hostility have no place in peer relations. They contribute nothing but negativity and distrust. When you have had bad experiences in other environments, it is essential that you find a way to leave the anger and suspicion behind or you will be bound to recreate the atmosphere you just left.

    One more thing. Using the term, "ratting out," assumes that the issue is you vs. the coworker. It leaves no room for concern about the well being of the patient, your employer, or even you, the nurse. If you can't be approached without becoming adversarial, every issue becomes a fight.

    Please think about getting some counseling. You have been in many contentious situations and may need help discharging all the anger and hostility on your own. It isn't weakness to recognize that you are stuck. Rather, it can be a step of strength to seek out what you need to learn new strategies and skills and improve your quality of life.
    Thank you for saying what I was trying to-it was written more eloquently and to the point.

    I hope the OP did not misunderstand the message I was trying to convey. I was trying advise the OP to assume responsibility for one's actions/inactions; while, preparing (through documentation, proper nursing practice & a professional attitude) against those that make it their profession to be malicious towards their fellow coworkers.

    I do not "rat out" another because I will not stoop to that low level of mentality and allow myself to be consumed with anger- as you said, so thruthfully "It leaves no room for concern about the well being of the patient, your employer, or even you, the nurse." It is the adult & professional way to conduct oneself in the midst of those that have underlying dysfunctional personalities.

    It is quite alright to stand up to those that falsely accuse you; but, let it go after the battle is won. And, take contructive critism as just that-learn from it so as not to make the same mistake twice. I try never to do something behind another's back; and, if I have something to say I will say it directly to the person or just shut up. If I must report something, I will first go to that person & offer them the opportunity to explain, because I am aware that I may just be seeing things from a single perspective (we are all aware that there are two sides to every story and things are not always black and white). Misunderstandings do happen, so I am very cautious not to go running to report another without hearing the whole story (or, in other words, 'ratting out' the other person).

    I work in a very adversarial environment and take the attitude that I must do my job correctly to survive-this serves to stregthen my skills and makes me a better nurse. If the OP takes this attitude and does the job correctly, any accusation will have documentation to verify that the accusation is false.

    I am very sorry that the OP may have taken what I was trying to say as an 'me' against 'them' type of thing. Reading back upon my earlier post, I can see how ambiguously I worded things. Much of what I was trying to imply was between the lines and should have been written concisely as rn/writer has done.

    Again, I apologize for giving the OP the wrong impression :imbar.

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