I know it's not professional, but I just can't go back.

MQ Edna · Oct 24, 2006

At the heart of your venting is the truth that to drive over 60 miles one way to any job is hard!!!

It's funny, I just started my new job at an LTAC last week. I left a job in a metropolitan ICU (with great staff and doctors) because my 35 mile one way drive and swinging night and day shifts monthly was doing me in! My new job is 7 minutes away. We had our first (unexpected) snow of the year yesterday and as I drove my 2.8 miles to work in slushy slippery conditions, I was just so thankful.

Yesterday was my first day on the floor. I know it's not going to be a perfect environment. Most of the current staff has been there for 2 years or less and I was told by more than one person that there is "a lot of turnover here". But, I'm optimistic and want to make the best of this job because working close to home is wonderful!

I guess if I were you I would at least try to drag myself in for one more shift and go to your manager and tell them this is going to be your last shift, so that you can sever things face to face and leave on a good note. Don't dis the job, but highlight the difficult drive and that you "hate to leave like this" but fear for your safety etc. If you just can't go in for one more shift, then at least call the manager and explain things on the phone instead of just not showing up at all.

A lot of the BS you described here, happens in just about every nursing job I have heard of. In my former ICU job I had more days than I like to count where I would literally get 10 minutes break to scarf down some food, during a 12 hour shift. We had one aid that served as the secretary, so basically no assistive help at all. We did a lot of road trips with our patients (to MRI, CT etc) which meant leaving a patient on the floor for others to cover. Often the patient that was left behind ended up neglected because the other nurses where just too busy to cover. Sometimes scans would take us off the floor for up to 3 hours at a time. I could go on and on, but I'm only preaching to the choir. You've been a nurse for 5 years now!

jetscreamer101 · Oct 24, 2006

Where I am currently employeed, while there has been some turnover, the greater mojority have been there many years. I have quite a few nurses that have been there almost, if not longer than I have, and I've been there over ten years. Alot of the CNA's have been there for years also. Even ancillary departments have people that have been there years. While our LTC (skilled and intermediate) has had it's problems (who doesn't) it's generally been a great place to work and grow, and be recognized at least some for hard work. If you need to go into OT for resident care, not a problem. Want to pick up extra shifts? here's a bonus. Lots of extras.

This has all changed. Within the last 5-6 weeks we got a new administrator. (I've been through several, so no biggie) Doesn't like this and that and were not doing this and that anymore, and so forth. Okay- I don't particularly like change, and just because we've always done something one way, doesn't mean it's the right way, right? So, lets revamp this and this, and this, and this, etc. Now usually the first couple weeks of a new admin, the usually use it to get the lay of the land.

Then 3 weeks ago got a new DNS. Same thing as the administrator, only worse if you can imagine that. One employee took these changes as a que to retire. Been there many years, in total over 20. We'll walk you to the door, no need to work out your notice. WHAT? No recognition for all the years and effort she put forth.

And things just continue to decline. I can't even forse myself to go back in. My doc gave me some time off because of the stress, and they're giving me a hard time because of it. It's not just me though, I've talked to several co-workersand there are a large number actively looking for other work or are planning on retiring before they origionaly planned.

It is a toxic environment. I love the residents (well, most) and my co-workers (most), but can't handle the thought of returning

NurseCherlove · Oct 24, 2006

To the ladies currently going through the "I just can't take it even another day there"... I really feel you - have been there. And I can say that from my experience, it really is best to get the heck out of Dodge as soon as you possibly can. Why? Because more than likely, you did not get this way suddenly overnight - this has been brewing. And when you finally get to that point of no return, it really is best to leave because you might make a big mistake or something else bad might happen. Again, just speaking from personal experience...when my heart is not in something, I'm not (even though I may be trying) giving 100%. The patients deserve 100% and nursing is tough work that does not afford us nurses too many "off" days/times. And you deserve not to have that dread and misery hanging over you. The thought of work should not make you quesy.

Good luck - I wish you the best!

To the original poster: I second what that other person said about cutting the ties face to face - i.e. yes, just one more day, with the relief of knowing that it will be over soon.

vamedic4, EMT-P · Oct 24, 2006

To the ladies currently going through the "I just can't take it even another day there"... I really feel you - have been there. And I can say that from my experience, it really is best to get the heck out of Dodge as soon as you possibly can. Why? Because more than likely, you did not get this way suddenly overnight - this has been brewing.
:yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat:
Good luck - I wish you the best!
To the original poster: I second what that other person said about cutting the ties face to face - i.e. yes, just one more day, with the relief of knowing that it will be over soon.

If I were you and in that situation, judging by the way you feel about it and how your job has taken a physical and mental toll on you, go to your NM and just tell her - I won't be back. If you feel you can last 2 weeks, by all means..give them 2 weeks. But if not, don't sweat the details. Your sanity is worth more than that.

Good luck!!

vamedic4

MsPiggy · Oct 24, 2006

I find myself getting physically ill every night before time to go to work. I just can't do it again. I don't want to be there, I find myself not smiling at work because I'm not happy to be there.

For what it's worth, I think that say's it all, I'm right there with you, dread going in & start having anxiety attacks the night before..At least you will be closer to home & hopefully won't have to deal with rude & mean co workers..Sorry you have had such a rough time of it..Hugs.

-Ms.P

ParrotHeadRN · Oct 24, 2006

((((Traumamama))))

I totally relate to you. Last January I went to work in a large facility that was about an hour and 15 minutes away from me. I really thought I was doing well, I loved the people I was working with, knew I had a great job and should appreciate it. I have to say I never felt as you did about going to this particular job although I have felt like that about previous employment. SO, about 2 weeks ago I fell asleep on my way home from work (I work nights). I woke up driving off the road. Luckily it was into a grass median and I hit no one. But it scared the bejesus out of me. Aside from concern about my own welfare, what if I hit someone else? I could never live with myself after that, especially now that I knew what affect the drive was having on me. When I got home, I called my nurse manager immediately and put in my two weeks notice right there on the phone. She was very understanding and said she completely empathized with me. The next two nights I worked were awful for me in regards to my trip. Both coming and going I got almost panicky and was terrified the entire time, more so coming home in the morning. My driving suffered, I am sure. Well, the second morning I left work (after psyching myself up in the parking lot), I was run off the road by a tractor trailer. And that was it, I was done. I almost called someone to come get me and take me home, and was seriously considering leaving my car by the side of the road. I made it home and called my boss again, telling her my resignation was effective immediately and told her why. I can't say she was pleased, but she did understand and wished me well. That, of course, was after she told me I would be ineligible for rehire if I ever wanted to come back. I told her I respected that fact but felt I really had no choice, that I was no longer safe on the roads due to my fear. I should add that I'd already had another interview at a hospital the previous Friday and knew I had that position, but it wouldn't have mattered, I would have quit anyway.

Regarding being miserable in your job, I suggest you see your physician. You are being physically, mentally and emotionally affected because of your place of employment. From what I gather in your post, you might not be eligible for FML yet, but you can certainly take an immediate LOA for these reasons and put in your notice at the same time. While I never would encourage someone to quit w/o notice, I completely understand that sometimes we need to do things we aren't completely happy with. I never spoke to my supervisor face to face because I was so far away from my work, and you have the same issues. I took FML when I had a job where I was so miserable that I would literally have panic attacks walking into work. That job was not a good fit for me and I ended up being extremely happy in my next position.

Please take care of yourself and do what is best for you. If you need a week or so off, take it; find another job and give them a start date that works for you!! I've had 2 weeks off between jobs, just started orientation yesterday; I feel great and am even driving again!! All by myself!! LOL But truly, my fear was almost incapacitating. I am also extremely excited about my new position, it's in a small rural ED, totally new experience for me but I feel I am going to learn a lot.

Good luck in whatever you do and let us know how things go. I will definitely by thinking of you. Feel free to PM if you want.

PH

MrsWampthang, BSN, RN · Oct 25, 2006

Thanks for the replies. I wish I could gather the courage to call and tell them I won't be back. I have picked up the phone a couple of times, but just couldn't go through with the call. I have my letter of resignation, along with my badge and keys in an envelope all ready to mail tomorrow. I know I just need to pick up the phone and make a 2 second phone call, but I guess I'm a coward about conflict. I already have hours lined up this weekend at the place I will be going to work full time so I'm not going to be lacking income, the paycheck will just come 5 days later. But you're right when you say that if I am not happy then I shouldn't be working at this place. My heart just isn't in doing more than what I have to for these patients and that's not like me. I am always happy and smiling to my patients and I just wouldn't be able to be this way there. Again, thanks. I'm going off now to try and muster up courage to call the team leader and let her know my decision.

Pam

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Oct 25, 2006

In order for you to be able to take care of others, you have to take care of yourself first. You know your own limits. Tell those to your supervisor.