One year ago today I was fired and turned in to the BON . How should I celebrate?
I made a mistake that, under the situation / circumstances could have happened to anyone, and it was seized upon as the perfect excuse to oust me.It was a job I struggled at, but sincerely tried to accomplish; it was a bad fit which I constantly tried to tailor myself to. I am soooo well out of there, but it was a huge blow to be told it wasn't safe for the patients for me to continue working there; funny, but it was totally unsafe for me and my nursing license to be working there. The bald facts make me look suspiciously criminal, when in fact I was "merely" way in over my head. There were odd mathmatical equations made to imply things were worse than they were. I am not crying that I was totally innocent of the mistakes I made , I AM saying that the magnification of my "sins" was pretty over-the-top.
Since that time, having shared my experience openly with many in the field, I was given examples by many RNs,Supervisors,DONs,ADONs of ways THEY would have handled my "case", none of which were as extreme as what was done in the final equation. Small comfort, however.
I can't tell you how many applications I have made for work. I can tell you that not one single application received a response. I can tell you I have had NO interviews. I have had a sterling work record until this one incident, but that flag on my record, the economy and times, the paltrey job opportunities in this area, have all congealed together to make employment impossible. Oh, I AM working....at half the pay rate...which BARELY covers my obligations. And were it not for the grace of God I'd have gone under long ago.
Today I am on my knees praying to God to show me VERY CLEARLY ( because it is hard to see beyond the haze of this murky depression that surrounds me) the next step I need to take, where I should go, what He wants me to be doing.
I'm not whining; I own all my faults. I have tried and tried and tried again. I have held on to hope and even periodically felt something good HAS to come of this even if I can't see what it might be or when it might happen. I turn it all over to God, knowing He has my best solution coming down the road to me as I write this.
I don't care about vindication or validation. I just want to work at a job that I KNOW I am good at, work that I love and have loved for 40 years. And a little better paycheck than I'm getting now wouldn't hurt, either
But I still hurt, and at this one year mark I am feeling very shaky and pretty low.
Thanks to AN for providing a place to vent.
Happy Anniversary to me.
Aug 8, '11
Quote from LTCangel
Dear No Stars In My Eyes,
I too was fired from my hospital job of 14 years on 03/24/2011. That date is burned into my brain and I know I will never forget it. My termination was a culmination of write ups due to being late. I'm talking 1-5 minutes late not hours. You see, I have been battling Fibromyalgia for about 5 years now and getting sleep and getting up on time and to work became a job in itself. I am a very good nurse and had been on the same unit for 13 years and was considered an expert in my field (Orthopedics/Joint Replacement). I had a former Nurse Manager who was very empathetic of my issues tell me to file for FMLA so that when I felt particularly bad I could call in and not be penalized for it. Of course this does not cover being tardy. This facility did not have a grace period for clocking in. They had stopped that a few years prior. When I first started there we had an 8 minute window to clock in before being considered tardy. My NM was in the Army Reserves and got called to active duty and the powers that be put a woman in her place who had never managed a Nursing Unit before and when she took over it seemed as though she made it her mission in life to watch my every move.
If you would have looked at my employee file you would have seen an employee who had for 12 years never had a bad mark. No patient complaints, worked well with others, excellent nursing skills, excellent charge nurse, good at maintaining a calm atmosphere on the unit, got along well with her peers, worked extra when the unit needed help, etc. It wasn't until I went to dayshift (which seemed to correlate with my fibromyalgia diagnosis) that I began to have trouble with tardies and absences. I tried to work with my new NM. I went back to night shift and this really seemed to help. My tardies became less. But instead of working with me and giving me the benefit of the doubt, I was written up again, and again, and the next quarter I was suspended 5 days without pay. I told my coworkers to take a good look at me because she was going to fire me if it was the last thing she ever did. The next quarter came and I was terminated for having 5 tardies. You were only allowed 4 in a quarter. The 5th one was due to my driving to work during a thunderstorm and there were trees down and hail and slow drivers on the road. I called and told them I would be late and I was by 5 minutes. This was 2 days before the end of the quarter. It didn't matter to HER, I was terminated, although she did tell me she hated to do it and that I was a good nurse. The Hospital also denied me unemployment and on appeal sent 3 people in to fight me over it. I applied everywhere, looking for another job. The only place that called me back were Travel Agencies and a Nursing Home. I scheduled an interview with the Nursing Home and got the job. the DON listened to my whole story of woe and said she thought I had been picked on (ya think!). She herself admitted that she has Fibromyalgia so maybe that's why she could be empathetic. I took a 7$ and hr paycut and I have to pay for my insurance premiums but Bless God I had a job. I never thought I would be in LTC again, you see that's where I started as an LPN 15 years ago. But I had come full circle. I am now an RN,BSN and have been working on my Masters in Nursing Education because I hope to be a Nursing Instructor one day. 13 on Orthopedics has literally ruined my back. I just passed my 90 days at this facility and I must say it's not that bad. I have a very good schedule, I am learning to love my residents, and they seem happy to have me. I have come to look at it as a place to hide out and lick my wounds for they are deep. What happened to me left me deeply depressed, questioning myself as a Nurse, and wondering about my self worth. Yes, I am in mourning and I understand what you mean by that. When will I stop mourning? I have no clue. I feel I have been beaten up. I gave that place the best years of my life and ruined my health there and it was all for nothing. Just so some woman could prove herself to Administration. I will pray for you, as I too have had to lean on God to get me through this and I'm still not really healed. I don't know how long that will be.
I'm a big believer in "things happen for a reason", "one door closes and another one opens". I know it's is easy for me to say (because I'm not in your shoes), however, try to focus on the good things- you are working, you have a good schedule, your residents are happy with you, you're working on your Masters... these are all quite good... let go of the past... you have to move forward..focus on your future.. it will get better
Last edit by dragonfly55 on Aug 8, '11
: Reason: want to remove