Feel like the worst nurse ever.

[LPNmomtobe]

I am very upset right now, shaking my head and trying to figure out if this is real reason ...I work as an pedi home care LPN. Been with this family for almost a year, work one day a week for them. Had a great realtionship with parents and other nurses, and of course the child. I am not in anyway saying I am excellent nurse, but I pride myself in knowing when I am taking care of a child, I do it 100% and never cut corners. The child is 12 and very disabled, can not walk, or talk, has alot of resp issues, seizures and can change very quickly. There has been quite a few times where I actually thought the child was not going to make it much longer, that is how sick she would get, and than it would set him back for a couple of weeks.

Well in Feb I let the family know that I was expecting at the end of Oct, but planned on working right up until the baby was born. They seemed ok about it. I never called in, even had gone in a couple times when I felt awful, like a head cold, cause I knew they depended on the nursing ( they had 24 hour nursing) Every morning I would go in, report was she was up most of the night, struggling with certain issues, most resp, and by the time my shift started, she was in the deepest sleep she could be in, and mom saw how I could not get her awake, but I would still sit her up in bed and try to get her awake, however she would sleep my whole shift if I let her, but I would ususally get her up in bed, sitting up, doing CPT, singing to her and of course doing all the bed bath, mouth care and so forth. Always got her dressed, repositioned every hour, sometimes more, let's just say very attentive to her. Mom did mention she wanted me to learn the their lift, and said I could either do it now with the nurse that came on after me, or after I had the baby, mom said it was up to me, I said that was fine, not an issue at all.

That was two weeks ago, and last week the nurse who she wanted me to do the training with was out, and yesterday, totally slipped my mind as the child had some pretty major resp issues during my shift, so I was focused on making sure my report was very detailed and I did not leave anything out. Mean while, mom never said anything to me about this when I was there and even there finishing paperwork a half hour after my shift ended, I would have totally appericated it she came to me and gentle reminded me if I can go over the lift with so and so right now since your still here, and I totally would have.

Instead I get a call from my nurse superivsor saying the family has asked for me to not come back, when I asked why, she said cause mom feels you leave the child in bed alot. I was shocked, even she was shocked, cause she said mom told her she talked to me about it and I still made no effort...I told her excatley when and what was talked about with me she knew about the other nurse being out....I feel horriable cause mom is there my whole shift sitting on her computer in the kitchen and it would have been great if she came in walked me through there lift ( child is attached to TPN and is 100lbs) and how they want the pumps to be placed and so forth. She has done training with me before, I am all for learning and learning to do more. My case manager said the family had nothing but great things to say about me as a nurse and my nursing skills, but felt I was no longer a good fit.. Again still super shocked.

My husband feels it is because I am 7 months pregnant, and they know I am going to be leaving at some point and the family knows that they can't tell me not to come back anymore cause I am pregnant, and as of now, have no restrictions, but I don't know...I just feel really defeated right now and feel horriable. I have only been a nurse for a year and I am very much by the book, but this is the first time something like this has happened to me. I guess I could see if I called in alot, or I did not take care of my patients, such as forgetting meds, or treatments, or not picking up on serious issues starting...but something as simple as getting her out of bed and more so when she usually stays in bed until my shift ends, that is how it had always been and not until two shifts ago I was talked to about the lift.

Anyone experience this in PDN and how do you end up feeling better instead of feeling like a crappy nurse.. ?

[juzme]

:hug:first of all hugs to you! you are not a bad nurse, get that out of your head! and congratulations on your mommy to be status:-) ahh homecare....if you read some of my old posts(even though my client is alot older)you will see what i went through. Who really knows why they didnt ask you to come back?! They say one thing and it could be another, sometimes families are not honest. I have talked with nurses who lost their shifts with families for all kinds of seemingly crazy reasons. Sometimes the

only control the family feels is the hring and firing of their child's nurses and they take full advantage of it. The 1st nurse that trained me, a very competant, conscientious nurse, told me homecare is ever bit psych nursing also. Some families are great to work for and some families are very unhealthy mentally and the nurses are caught in the middle(of things the family says or does about the clients care) thinking they must be doing something wrong. Please don't go thinking its you and sometimes it reallt isnt a good fit anymore, between the nurse and the family,sometimes no one is to blame, just move on. I hope you feel better!

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

As juzme said, who knows if your pregnancy has any thing to do with it.

Parents have NOTHING to do but focus on every minute aspect of the care. It sounds like mom was not participating in the care.. just sitting in the director's chair. They have around the clock care , no doubt paid for by the state or insurance, and choose to do nothing but observe and nitpick.

That was a dysfunctional bunch and you need to stop putting the blame on yourself.

[LPNmomtobe]

Thank you, it's still hard not to blame yourself, I would rather the family say because I am going to have a baby soon, they need to fill my shift, if that is what it really was...and if it really was that I didn't take him out bed, i wish parents would have talked to me. I talked all the time with the mom, why not just tell me. Again thank you for your input on this.

[MJB2010]

Hugs! Sounds like you were doing your best. They chose to focus on the one thing you didn't do instead of the zillion things you did do. That is nursing. It is always about the one thing. The mom could have showed you the lift, she chose not to. Sounds like she does not want to participate at all. I am wondering why she did not feel she could just talk to you about it, this to me, seems like maybe there is more to it that she is leaving out. The pregnancy may have something to do with it. It might just be that the mom has some sort of negative focus, she has a lot of stress in her life and that may be her way of dealing with it. I would not dwell on the negative, move on and learn what you can from it. When one door closes, another opens. Congrats on the baby!

[LPNmomtobe]

Thank you...I am feeling better about it and thinking I might take a brake from PDN and do more long term care for a while. And I know that will be stressful in itself