Domestic Violence: Why Should SHE Leave? - page 2

Sometimes true wisdom comes from a place where you'd least expect it. A family friend is a lovely, intelligent young woman who has worked very hard to put herself through school, buy a condo and... Read More

  1. by   caliotter3
    Know somebody who is cohabiting. The lease is in her name, she has a good job, but he pays no rent, only helps out when he wants to, and she has made him the beneficiary for all of her benefits from the job, as well as comingling their income in bank accounts that are joint. Everything to give the appearance of a married couple except a marriage license. I am not the only one who notices evidence of emotional abuse. It would take a jack hammer at full tilt to break the hold he has on her and her assets. A relative way back when could not leave for economic reasons. What is a housewife in the 50's or 60's going to do with three kids tugging at her skirts when she didn't even graduate high school? These situations have many layers of complication.
  2. by   AllOfMyWat
    Misguided, misinformed topic unrelated to nursing.

    In the words of 4chan, SAGE. (Look it up.)
  3. by   Kooky Korky
    Quote from morte
    the only permanent solution, is the abuser permanently stops breathing.
    Please do not be the one who makes him stop breathing. That kind of trouble you do not need.
  4. by   Tenebrae
    A person in a domestically abusive situation shouldnt have to move, however often if they stay the person knows exactly where they live and for me it was an issue of safety. I could have had the violent person removed from the flat. Not only were they violent they were crazy and they would have known exactly where I was
  5. by   Kooky Korky
    Quote from Ruby Vee
    Sometimes true wisdom comes from a place where you'd least expect it.

    A family friend is a lovely, intelligent young woman who has worked very hard to put herself through school, buy a condo and furnish it in a comfortable, stylish fashion. She inherited some lovely things from her parents and grandparents. She started dating a man who raised alarm bells among her friends. He had no job, no money, crashed on the sofas of various friends and borrowed her car frequently because he had none. But she loved the guy, so she married him. Less than a year later, she showed up in the ER with a broken nose, broken ribs and bruises all over. Her husband, although he insists that she fell down the stairs, has cut and swollen hands.

    It seems the poor girl is really clumsy and falls down the stairs a lot. "She should leave him," my husband said. "She shouldn't have to take that." "Why doesn't she leave him?" Asked the child's biological mother. "Why stay with an abusive loser?" The child's stepfather says that if she was HIS kid, he'd "take care of that man," and gestured to his wall of gleaming swords and knives.

    The child, who it seems is wise beyond her years, said "Why should SHE leave? It's her house, her stuff, and HE's the one causing the problem."

    Why indeed?
    The child is a child and thinks like a child, I think, if I'm understanding correctly.

    The short answer is that she should leave in order to stay alive and stop getting hurt. And keep the child safe.

    The longer answer is that maybe she could quietly and unobtrusively start packing and moving out the things she can't bear to part with. She could store them, maybe ask a friend to keep a few things.

    She could start disentangling their finances quietly. If it's a joint account, she can close it immediately. This might endanger her if he finds out she did that.

    She needs a lawyer to figure out who owns the house and other things. Is there a pre-nuptial agreement? She needs to notify law enforcement I think, to make them aware of the situation, although they might side with him. This could endanger her further. She might have to let the house go. It's hard to say.

    Can she relocate far away, find a job, do all that is needed to make her break as safely as possible from this evil man? Does she have family to help? Friends? Organizations?

    How old is the child?