Dear preceptor

[Ivanna_Nurse]

Dear preceptor.. I came to you smiling, full of energy and ready to tackle the last leg of my orientation journey, with your guidance of course. I haven't really gotten any inclination on where that guidance is at. You tell me what patients to take, and I take them. Then when I am at the bedside, communicating with the family (you know that rapport thing?), you decide that it is a great time to tell me *not to touch the patient*, or the machines for that matter unless you are there. What? I did not fall off of the nursing school wagon yesterday. I am new to your facility, but not a new grad. I did get a smug sense of satisfaction when the family told you it was fine and I was handling things.

I see that you do not have any intention of assessing my skill level or evaluating areas in which I need assistance. In your eyes, I have no skill level or even brain stem function because every action on my part is met by you with some sort of resistance or interrogation. You cant wait for me to come out of the bathroom before you call the doc... making me look like some sort of fool that cant call the doctor. Lo and behold the toilet flushes and I am greeted with 75 orders, all of which you *write* but make me *do*. Although I am a critical care nurse, and am comfortable with bedside procedures, it is *imperative * on your part to ensure that I am educated on sterile fields and how to open packages. That makes me feel so great, especially with the doc at the bedside.

Precepting with you has given me a great opportunity to practice dealing with "the cold shoulder, being aloof and unapproachable." I *know* that you aren't any of those things, just preparing me for when I run into someone who is. Thanks! I am now well versed in forced conversation, fake enthusiasm, and being lonely but not alone.

I have been practicing my mental, telepathic and psychic abilities... seeing as how there isn't any verbal interaction between us, its time to take it up a notch. *places fingertips to temples* Can you hear me now?

Here is an interesting thought. You breeze in, tell me how the lights have to be like this, and these lines need to be like this and so on. I am respectful of those requests. I like things a certain way too.. try to be mindful of that. The road goes both ways here. The same goes for documentation. Maybe you could ask me why I wrote a certain thing before you scratch it out and write error... although all the extra embellishments make my flow sheet look freakin fantastic, right?

When I ask you about something, especially when its a policy and the rationale for not following it... I just love when you get mean and flash those *knowing* looks to all your friends at the desk.

Precepting with you has been quite the experience, and as life goes, all things must come to an end. Now that our journey is finished, know that I will *never* forget you.

Love, your preceptee

[zebsmom2002]

Im pretty sure that this is exactly the case ~Ivanna

I always feel doubly bad for the new grad when this happens. somehow it seems worse when someone isn't invested in preceptorship at all than when someone really wants to, but is just bad at it.

[RN_that_was_bullied]

this is also considered horizontal violence or bullying. This woman is a bully and then she aligns other to bully you with her when she rolls her eyes at the woman at the desk. If the woman at the desk did nothing - she also participated in the bullying. More girls and adult women "bully" more than men. This comes from a deep sense of insecurity. The best thing to do when someone treats you like this is NOT to react to their behavior. Report them and let your supervisor know. Be very specific and factual not emotional about the behavior when you describe. Address her even though she is your preceptor. Do not be disrespectful but just mention to her some of the behaviors you noticed and them also advise your supervisor that you talked with her and what the outcome is. Being around someone like that is very stressful and lead to medication errors, poor patient care, etc. SO be very careful when you are around her. Find some articles on bullying or horizontal violence and bring them with you when you talk to your supervisor about your preceptor experience. There is NO reason for someone to treat you like this. This woman and ALL nurses who act like this need to be reported and their behavior addressed. DO NOT stand by and just let this happen to you. I know - I went through the same thing with a nurse and it was very painful but I GREW so much from the experience. I actually had to get into therapy b/c I was so afraid and so hurt and so STRESSED. I have learned to address these issues the very MINUTE I see them in someone else - tactfully - but I address I them. Good luck, God bless you for being a nurse.

[RN_that_was_bullied]

I SOOOO totally agree. This woman's preceptor is narcissistic and a BULLY - I posted below comments about bullies. Nurses in leadership roles particularly with new nurses - have a long history of BULLY them. That's why nurses get the recognition as "the only profession that eat their young". Its nurses like your preceptor that gives nursing such a bad name. She needs to be reported and written. All NEW grads reading this - if you get a preceptor like this go to your supervisor IMMEDIATELY and discuss the situation - DO NOT allow this to happen you. This person is a BULLY!!! pure and simple.

[RN_that_was_bullied]

TO: Registered User

Age: 51

Years Exp: 22

Nursing Specialty: cardiac cardiovascular surg.

re: your quote: Second, most of the nurses who precept do so because they are the most senior staff. They know more and have seen more than the other nurses on the unit. As a result they tend to hold thier preceptees to a higher standard than thier peers. If I precept someone, I expect they will know almost as much as me before they take over patient care- anything else is a disservice to the patient.

I'd like to comment on that most nurses who precept do so b/c they are most senior staff. They know more and they have seen more than other nurses... this is such a "general" statement. In some hospitals this is NOT always the case. The preceptor this woman is talking about does NOT sound like "senior staff" person with leadership skills. She sounds like a bully. A nurse in a leadership role would NOT roll their eyes at their nursing student/preceptee or talk about them behind their backs. A good preceptor would address issues directly with her student - not behind her back. This nurse sounds like she might indeed have good qualities but by no means is she a good preceptor. She really should be written up - she is basically a bully.

[KarenBuley]

Wow! Glad you perserved, and I hope your smile and energy were waiting for you at the end of your orientation. My best to you!

[phoenixfire]

This made me laugh, and cry at the same time as I considered my own experience, so I thought I would share.

Dear Preceptor,

I came to your unit full of eagerness and excitement, willing to take whatever tasks you felt I was capable of. You dutifully gave me report and then vanished into thin air, leaving me with a critical patient while you filed your nails and texted on your cell phone. I want to thank you for that, because it gave me the opportunity to practice thinking on my feet, fending for myself, and reaching through my mental rolodex for facts I learned in class that applied to this patient. Thank you for making me realize that though I may not be ready to care for a critical patient on my own, I am no where near as incompetent as you made me feel. When I asked for help, you were nowhere to be found because lunch is so much more important that patients, but I appreciated the opportunity to learn to help myself and not depend on you. I thank you for the way you said "You need to drown" when I said to you "Help" because it illustrated for me what type of nurse I DONT want to be. Thank you for the scathing remarks about both my appearance and my intelligence, because it reminded me that it is only my opinion of myself that matters.

Thank you for telling my instructor that I was a loose cannon, because it forced me to work twice as hard to gain her respect after I was reassigned to another preceptor. Thank you for telling me to my face that my patient would not have survived the shift without the care I provided while you stabbed me in the back by telling my instuctor that I had no skills with patients or their families. Thank you for doing absolutely no charting whatsoever because it gave me that chance to prove that I can document my actions and rationales more thoroughly than ever before. But most of all, thank you for remining me why I will be the best nurse I can be: because I care.

Sincerely,

Your Nursing Student.

[Ivanna_Nurse, BSN, RN]

Phoenix, be like the bird and rise from the ashes girl :) Sometimes, I sincerely think that we are placed in situations that warrant us to look deeply inside of ourselves, and pull strength from within. This is just a small bump and you overcame it. Thanks for sharing your experience :) ~Ivanna

[zebsmom2002]

TO: Registered User

Age: 51

Years Exp: 22

Nursing Specialty: cardiac cardiovascular surg.

re: your quote: Second, most of the nurses who precept do so because they are the most senior staff. They know more and have seen more than the other nurses on the unit. As a result they tend to hold thier preceptees to a higher standard than thier peers. If I precept someone, I expect they will know almost as much as me before they take over patient care- anything else is a disservice to the patient.

I'd like to comment on that most nurses who precept do so b/c they are most senior staff. They know more and they have seen more than other nurses... this is such a "general" statement. In some hospitals this is NOT always the case. The preceptor this woman is talking about does NOT sound like "senior staff" person with leadership skills. She sounds like a bully. A nurse in a leadership role would NOT roll their eyes at their nursing student/preceptee or talk about them behind their backs. A good preceptor would address issues directly with her student - not behind her back. This nurse sounds like she might indeed have good qualities but by no means is she a good preceptor. She really should be written up - she is basically a bully.

Good nurse and senior nurse do not always go together

[EMTandstudentmurse]

I am really glad that people have brought up gender in this discussion of lateral violence. I am fascinated by how women treat each other in this profession.

The floor nurses eat my female clinical counterparts alive, while I am treated graciously despite making the same ridiculous mistakes that all students make. I have some flecks of gray, a previous BS, 7 years of EMT-Basic experience, 3 years of mid-level corporate management experience, and the confidence/humility that comes with being 27 instead of 21. From day-one I probably command a little more respect than the average traditional female BSN student; even though I do not deserve it. But without question, the biggest difference is my gender. Certain floors develop a pack mentality that punishes their peers. For the most part, the men I have seen working on the floor rise above it and don't get involved (I know there are going to posters that will have stories to the contrary, but really think about the average [m]urse that you have worked with).

In seven years of EMS (its how paid my way through my first degree and it is what I am doing now) I have had my share of crap partners. Many of them have way more experienced than me. I have had a handful of bad experiences where I wish someone would have chose a different way in front of an ER nurse or patient. However, it feels like those experiences are less malicious and more temporary than what I see on the floor. As EMTs, even if we don't like each other, we always treat each other with respect so we can get the job done.

If I had been in Ivanna's position I would have gone to HR and requested a change of floor. When he/she asked "Why?" I would say "Well now that you have asked, I have had this experience........(state facts not complaints or feelings)" And then simply say "It is not the experienced that I had hoped for, and I want feel good about coming to work so I can deliver the best possible patient care." HR would have address the issue (I bet they might even know about the issue already). The next day I guarantee that she would have been treated different. She probably wouldn't have earned many friends, however, the situation would have been corrected. Is work a popularity contest? JCAHO only asks the patient what they think of you. Isn't it better to have professional courtesy, even if it comes out of fear? I bet the next time Ivanna asked a question it would be answered curtly but professionally.

As I reread my post, I don't want anyone to think that I am saying that men are better than women. We have our own set of interpersonal communication issues. However, this issue is real and well documented. Lateral violence effects everyone, including us murses. Confront lateral violence when you see or experience it. Like poverty, it is generational. Burn-out is never an excuse, and as a professionals we all need to conduct ourselves as such. Please let this be what is it is: an interested third party call to action or the rant of an idealistic soon-to-be grad :)

GO GRADUATING CLASS OF 2010!

-Chris(topher)

ps lateral violence towards "Basics" from crabby ER nurses is also not appreciated. At least when a Dr. eviscerates you he is polite (well, most of the time anyway)

ps2 if you don't like "murse" either get a sense of humor or go find a "murse" thread and moan about me

[Ivanna_Nurse, BSN, RN]

Hey Murse! What a great first post. :) Welcome to allnurses :mnnnrsngrk::welcome:

thank you for your insight on what its like from the men's side! :) Ivanna

[nursie_pants]

Way to take the high road! For my final practicum in school my preceptor was extremely "hands on" (and to an extent, I get it, since you're still a student), but nothing nearly as horrendous as that pain in the *$$. :)

[sabrosa1]

I think most of us had one of those, I will never forget mine and all the demeaning things she said. A few years later I took care of her family member she was very nice. I think is like the military when you are in basic training they treat you like crap and after you graduate they treat you with respect.