Cover Letter Help

kaylee. · Jul 20, 2017

I think this is really good. You describe previous experiences that make you a good candidate (capstone and president of sorority). That is what they want; a letter that elaborates on your credibility with meaningful examples. Which is why the only thing I would change would be to cut the paragraph beginning with "Throughout my four years at Ball State University..." because it doesn't really add anything tangible, and it makes the letter a little on the long side without adding value. Even if you kept it, I still think the letter is a good read that won't get tossed aside. Great job.

ChryssyD · Jul 20, 2017

Very professional and well-written letter. The only thing I would add (and you may have only put "Hiring Manager" in to protect the person's identity) is to have the specific person's name--address the letter to the correct person; it shows that you are not afraid to pick up the phone and find out who exactly you are supposed to be dealing with. Other than that, no criticism--good letter. Best of luck to you. After you have your interview (and I'm sure you will), be sure to send a personal thank-you letter to whomever interviewed you, and you should be in! Good job.

JKL33 · Jul 20, 2017

Couldn't sleep, so tried to play around a bit with your excellent letter. You have a lot of good stuff in there, but I do think it probably needs to be shorter. You really don't want someone's eyes glazing over when they get ahold of it. The other critique would be this: Your strengths are no-doubt truly strengths...but you have to be careful that they don't read like hyperbole to someone who doesn't know you. They also have to be kept in line with the idea that someone is a new grad. :)

I did some tweaks....and feel free to "whatever" me, if you want!!!

The first copy is where I tried to indicate possible changes, and since that was kind of cumbersome I copied it again with changes already made.

Best wishes to you ~

Hello all! I would love some feedback on my cover letter! This one was written for an ICU at a particular hospital in Colorado.
Dear Hiring Manager:
I am writing to express my interest in the RN Neuro Critical Care Daysâ€ position (#xxx). I have researched this hospital extensively, and The mission of (___name of organization___) resonates with my own beliefs of using faith and certain core values to provide the best care possible to an entire community. I would love to work in a hospital that has excited and joyful employees, and I think a hospital that includes good humorâ€ as a value is that type of hospital. I am confident I could bring a compassionate, encouraging, and upbeat attitude to your unit.
My Senior Capstone gave me experience in Cardiac Intensive Care and Rapid Response. I thrive in fast-paced, high-pressure situations, making Adult Critical Care my ideal unit. My Senior Capstone experience allowed me to interact with and treat patients of high-acuity During my Capstone experience I was able to provide nursing care to patients with high-acuity conditions such as heart surgery patients, patients in septic shock, kidney failure, respiratory failure, and post-op heart surgery, and became familiar with patients with intra-aortic balloon pumps, invasive monitoring, continuous dialysis, and ventilators. Being so passionate about learning, I love critical care because of the many opportunities to learn, both formally and informally. I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of caring for critically ill patients and took advantage of the many learning opportunities I had during this experience.
Throughout my four years at Ball State University, I maintained a 3.94 GPA while juggling other responsibilities such as being president of my sorority and volunteering for different organizations. I excelled in my classes because of my ability to grasp concepts quickly and think critically. My clinical and lecture instructors commented on my talents in both didactic and clinical areas.
I believe that my developingskills and professionaleducational experiences provide me with the foundation to become a strong, competent, and skilled nurse in your hospital (____unit or hospital name___). For the 2016 calendar year, I served as President of my sorority, Chi Omega. During this year I gained extensive experience in professionalism, time-management, goal-setting, documentation, delegation, and leadership. My chapter was awarded Chapter of the Year for 2016, giving evidence to my abilities as a leader. Through my time serving as president, I became confident serving people with different backgrounds, ages, races, and personalities.
I thrive in situations where flexibility, leadership, critical thinking, and good time-management, and I am I would be so pleased to be able to speak with you about an opportunity to become part of your team.
I am confident that my skills in flexibility, leadership, critical thinking, time-management, and high-pressure decision making make me a great candidate for this position. Please do not hesitate to contact me by phone at xxx-xxx-xxxx or by email at x[email protected]. I look forward to speaking with you.
Sincerely,
Erin Kesler, BSN, RN
Place contact info here
and here

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Dear Hiring Manager:
I am writing to express my interest in the RN Neuro Critical Care Daysâ€ position (#xxx). The mission of (___name of organization___) resonates with my own beliefs of using faith and certain core values to provide the best care possible to an entire community. I would love to work in a hospital that has excited and joyful employees, and I think a hospital that includes good humorâ€ as a value is that type of hospital. I am confident I could bring a compassionate, encouraging, and upbeat attitude to your unit.
My Senior Capstone gave me experience in Cardiac Intensive Care and Rapid Response. I thrive in fast-paced, high-pressure situations, making Adult Critical Care my ideal unit. During my Capstone experience I was able to provide nursing care to patients with high-acuity conditions such as septic shock, kidney failure, respiratory failure, and post-op heart surgery, and became familiar with intra-aortic balloon pumps, invasive monitoring, continuous dialysis, and ventilators. I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of caring for critically ill patients and took advantage of the many learning opportunities I encountered during this experience.
Throughout my four years at Ball State University, I maintained a 3.94 GPA while juggling other responsibilities such as being president of my sorority and volunteering for different organizations. I excelled in my classes because of my ability to grasp concepts quickly and think critically. My clinical and lecture instructors commented on my talents in both didactic and clinical areas.
My educational experiences and developing skills provide me with the foundation to become a strong, competent, and compassionate nurse in (____unit or hospital name___). I work well and feel motivated in situations where flexibility, leadership, critical thinking, and careful time-management are required.
I would be so pleased to be able to speak with you about an opportunity to become part of your team.
Sincerely,
Erin Kesler, BSN, RN

Contact

Info

JKL33 · Jul 20, 2017

option of combining 2nd and 3rd paragraphs:

Throughout my four years at Ball State University, I maintained a 3.94 GPA while juggling other responsibilities such as being president of my sorority and volunteering for different organizations. For me, the highlight of my Nursing program was my Senior Capstone experience in Cardiac Intensive Care and Rapid Response. I thrive in fast-paced, high-pressure situations, and during my Capstone I was able to provide nursing care to patients with high-acuity conditions such as septic shock, kidney failure, respiratory failure, and post-op heart surgery. I had the opportunity to become familiar with intra-aortic balloon pumps, invasive monitoring, continuous dialysis, and ventilators. I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of caring for critically ill patients and took advantage of the many learning opportunities I encountered during this experience.

llg, PhD, RN · Jul 20, 2017

Way ... way ... too long. Most of the detail that you have included in the cover letter should be available in other parts of your application. The cover letter's purpose should be to get their attention by highlighting 1 or 2 key highlights of your qualification and to stimulate them to read the rest of your application. The cover letter should not BE the application or a substitute for it.

Approximately 40% of your content should be removed. You raised good points and expressed them well, but each paragraph should be cut approximately in half by removing the details and examples.

guest52816 · Jul 26, 2017

I think you have an excellent start to this cover letter. Great job! But as other posters have stated, it is too long. It should be three solid paragraphs, and no more. You also use the word "love" way too much. It shouldn't be used at all in a cover letter. It isn't a professional word.

Much of what you wrote regarding your time at Ball State can be left to your resume. The point of the cover letter isn't too rehash everything in the resume. The cover letter should show that you are intelligent, and able to convey thought. You do that quite well. Allow your resume to speak for itself.

Best of luck. You will find a job with this level of enthusiasm and school experience .

Orca, ADN, ASN, RN · Jul 26, 2017

Way ... way ... too long. Most of the detail that you have included in the cover letter should be available in other parts of your application. The cover letter's purpose should be to get their attention by highlighting 1 or 2 key highlights of your qualification and to stimulate them to read the rest of your application. The cover letter should not BE the application or a substitute for it.
Approximately 40% of your content should be removed. You raised good points and expressed them well, but each paragraph should be cut approximately in half by removing the details and examples.

This was my thought. The letter read more like a resume than a cover letter. Cover letters should be brief and to the point, just to introduce you. The information that you have is good. IMO the cover letter is not the place to put it all.

eckesler · Jul 26, 2017

Thank you all so much! I will DEFINITELY shorten it and change the wording in parts. I really do appreciate all of your help!