Angel at work, monster at home....help! - page 3
I always believed that I had a short temper...but lately I'm discovering some things that I really don't like about myself and I'm trying to find ways to change. At work I'm crazy busy, running... Read More
4Aug 2, '11 by anotheroneWhy are you an angel at work? Is it because of the consequences of being a monster? Do you just have better control at work because you know if you don't you might get fired? That's how I feel sometimes. I can fake it pretty well when I need to.lol
0Aug 2, '11 by fuzzywuzzyMy boyfriend comes home after I do but when he's off, he knows to stay out of my way when I get home. The TV needs to be off and he needs to stay out of my face or I'll be cranky. I don't even like him sitting near me without talking because he'll sit there and pick at his toenails or play with some object in the vicinity and I want to bite his head off! lol. And the dog gets a friendly pet before getting shut in the other room for a while. It takes me about an hour and when I'm ready, I will come out of hiding. If I come home from work to a dog jumping on me, a blaring TV, and my boyfriend bugging me about something I am on edge the rest of the night.
4Aug 2, '11 by woohI have to say the good thing about an hour commute is that it gives me a nice buffer zone. I can listen to some good music, or if it was a really bad day I can call my mom.
Anyone ever see the episode of That 70s Show where Kitty took Eric to work with her? He asked her how she copes with everything she sees and she tells him that she turns up her music in the car. Strangely, I think she was probably one of the most realistic depictions of nurses on tv ever.
3Aug 3, '11 by xtxrnQuote from No Stars In My EyesI don't know that I can offer any advice in particular; mostly I am responding to commiserate. It seems that after working 8-12 hours focusing on, anticipating, trying to resolve everyone else's needs/problems, the very last thing I need is to have to pay attention to someone else. That sounds horribly cold, especially since one of the things in a relationship that is so important TO that relationship isbeing there for each other. But spending all that time directed OUTward drains my inner self. I think some of the other posters are correct in saying that you need to have something that is for YOU, that feeds YOU and also at the same time helps you "cool your jets". I'm just not real good at taking care of myself that way; seems like everything else comes first. I've resolved alot of bugaboos in my life but that's a honkin' big one for me!
I think nurses, by nature, don't take the best care of themselves- and employers do nothing to help that .... The nurses at work who are total ******* probably are the life of the party at home because they've dumped on everyone else all shift . Is there any way you can do something maybe every couple of weeks (payday ) just for you? A mani-pedi, massage, get some music you like, etc... Just for you. The better you can take care of yourself, the better you'll be able to give to a relationship, as you know. And, if you have something to look forward to, it might make getting through a few more days a bit easierLast edit by rn/writer on Aug 3, '11 : Reason: Changed disallowed word to all ***.
5Aug 3, '11 by rn/writer GuideMuch of what I have seen described in this thread (and others on the subject) relate to sensory overload. All day (or night) long we have people clinging to us, even if it's only in the figurative meaning of the word. They weigh heavy on our minds and their needs bombard us.
Posters have said they don't want to be spoken to, touched, or even hugged. Loud music is okay so long as singing along is optional. When we have over-extended ourselves (seems to be part of many job descriptions these days), it only makes sense that we have to pull our little bungie cord extremities back in before we can feel like ourselves again.
It's a mental shift as well. Think of the buffer zone as a kind of clutch that allows the gears to be changed.
If you can explain to your family that they can give you this chance to gather your wits about you and benefit from it or ambush you at the door and share the resulting chaos and suffering, so much the better. But even if you can't get them to understand the concept, even a puppy can be trained, and so can they. Be sure to thank them profusely and reward them reasonably when they respect your space. And point out how much better family time is when mom has had a chance to catch her breath.
This isn't selfish. It's survival. The more you respect your own needs, the less chance there is that you will burn out at home or at work.
0Aug 3, '11 by martinalpnAnything to let all of the negative feelings u have Invest in some relaxation books or books that help u to deal positively with stress learn how to decompress prayer fasting reading yoour favorite scriptures in the Holy Bible keeping a journal and learning to be more assertive in a therapeutic type of way learning to let go of the powerless feelings u have do things that bring u enjoyment take kickboxin. Or karate to use up some of the pinned up frustrations u have
1Aug 3, '11 by tiredbeatupRNQuote from fuzzywuzzyAwww this makes me sad I LOVE coming home to our big, overly excited Aussie Shepherd! I cannot wait to hug him and play with him knowing he feels the same way about us when we get home. Animals are SO good for helping us manage our stress, IMO.And the dog gets a friendly pet before getting shut in the other room for a while.
Pets are THE best therapists! Anyone else feel this way, too?
1Aug 3, '11 by JRP1120, RNQuote from Florence NightinFAILI love this little story (author unknown). It always helps me put things into perspective. It works in the opposite direction as well-we all should leave our personal problems at the door of the proverbial office. I can understand your frustration; you sound a bit burned out maybe. This may or may not help but thought I'd share. In the meantime, you should be taking care of YOU too, because if you don't, you'll have much less of yourself to give to your loved ones, where your heart really resides.I always believed that I had a short temper...but lately I'm discovering some things that I really don't like about myself and I'm trying to find ways to change.
At work I'm crazy busy, running around on my feet for the whole shift, stressed out, overwhelmed, have some needy pts on the bell every few minutes, rude co-workers etc. yet I maintain my professionalism, keep calm, have a nice attitude even when answering my annoying pt's 100th call to get her an item 3 inches away.
I smile at my coworkers, say please and thank you etc. etc.
Yet the minute I enter my house my whole demeanor changes. I become exhausted, frustrated, easily angered, snappy etc. I lose my temper with the ones I claim that I love (family) when I know prefectly well how I control that same temper with friends & at work.
I feel bad
The Trouble Tree
The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.
While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching tips of the branches with both hands.
When opening the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.
Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.
“Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing’s for sure, troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again.”
“Funny thing is,” he smiled, “when I come out in the morning to pick ‘em up, there ain’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”Last edit by JRP1120, RN on Aug 3, '11 : Reason: Added title to story