I feel so stressed right now. Have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm off today but called in sick yesterday and haven't felt well since Sunday - felt really lousy Sunday; it was a good thing I already had it off! I'm learning the unfortunate ...can't think of the right word...It's the separation between administration and those on the floor. And unfortunately, while admin may be just fine and personable and kind on the outside - away from work, away from the stresses of schedules and write-ups and interdepartmental feuds - within the working environment they're miserable to be around. ...Their seemingly only function, their only importance that involves me is that I fill a space. I fill a staffing ratio. One thing I've learned over the past 8 months of working in the medical field is this: ADMINISTRATION IS NOT MY FRIEND, AND ANDMINISTRATORS DO NOT HAVE MY BEST INTEREST IN MIND. They have their best interests in mind which means filling gaps - finding bodies to at least appear as though the jobs are getting done. I'm realizing just how expendable I am. And this isn't to say anything against them as individuals - God knows that is the absolute last job on this planet that I want! I'm sure outside of work they're pleasant, empathetic individuals who would encourage anyone (outside their realm) to call in sick if they truly are sick. But I've learned to separate myself from admin. I'm learning that as unfortunate as it may be, there really is a hierarchy within the medical community and I'll be kept around as long as I show up to work, don't question them ~too~ much, and don't yell at pts.
Maybe this is me accepting my situation. I don't feel angry about it, although that's not to say I haven't in the past and won't again, but as I finish this I feel sad that that's the way it is. Writing has helped with stress, too. I no longer feel overwhelmed about tomorrow. Fortunately I like (most of) my co-workers. That makes all the difference!
