I agree with the first poster. Much of what you feel is coming from lack of appreciation and fear of being replaced. Managers need to know, that acknowledgment, a kind word, a pat on the back, goes so very far, in keeping employees morale up. That one thanks, job well done, gives a shot of adrenaline, like no other. I know I am motivated from a kind word and will break through a wall, for a manager who appreciates my hard work. But when I feel unappreciated, especially knowing I am breaking my butt, my productivity will go down. When I think that manager would just as soon replace me, or throw me under the bus, that is when I have to leave, otherwise self doubt appears. I don't feel we should have to walk on eggshells, beg for approval or feel we need to be perfect, to keep our jobs. OP, I know how you feel, been there before. Your problem is not your specialty, but the toxic environment you work in. Delve a little deeper and I am sure, you will know what to do. But please, keep chin up. Peace!