"Just" a nurse? You can do so much better!

Nurses General Nursing

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When I announce my choice of career, I often get looks of disappointment along with the, "But... you're too smart to be a nurse. You should be a doctor," line, or, "Oh, you couldn't get into med school?" This especially tend to happen on the Asian side of my family. Most of these people are victims to the presteige job stereotype and tend to view nurses as single moms and high school dropouts who don't have the brains to go beyond organized domestic work. I have a neighbor and friend who's great but pulls the above line all the time despite my requests for her to stop, mostly in front of others. In response, I wrote a letter that will serve as a template to others should the need arise.

Dear -----,

I would like to discuss a problem concerning your opinion of my career of choice. When discussing my decision to be a nurse, you tend to respond something along the line of, "But... why not be a doctor? You're to smart to be a nurse," in a disappointed manner. I acknowledge your intention to compliment me as being intelligent, and I appreciate your high opinion. In actuality, you are insulting the field of nursing and therefore insulting my choice of career. I once requested that you please cease to question my career, but you have continued to bemoan how I am "not living up to my potential," so I am writing a letter to explicitly voice my grievances and request once and for all for my choices to be respected.

I would expect another person of an underappreciated career choice to have some empathy. Artists are sometimes stereotyped as academic failures and slackers who enter the field because they can't get real jobs, that art is a useless field that is instated for academically inept people, and that any idiot can draw. This is especially projected in the fact that art programs are being cut from school curriculums. How would you feel if I scoffed at your career, or bemoaned you for "not living up to your potential" to get a Ph D in fine art, or that you should have entered a "real career" like law, medicine, or business? It would be hurtful and insulting, especially if you knew the person had no idea about the field and was basing his opinion on nothing but a stereotype.

To put it bluntly, we nurses put up with a lot of ****. Patients, delusional doctors, patients' relatives, and people who stereotype us as doctors' handmaidens and nymphomaniac mistresses all wear on our nerves. I choose to be a nurse because I want to enter the medical field and help people, as well as build a successful career. To stereotype the nursing field as settling for a plan B if one can't get into medical school or not living up to one's potential is hurtful. Sure, some people may enter the field when that happens, but there are a lot of people who find the field rewarding and challenging. Nursing, a career too easy for smart people? Spend a few hours in the ER and then tell me that all the brains and abilities lie in the doctors. One of the things that attracted me to Sam was the fact that he's spent all too much time in the hospitals and fully appreciates nurses. Anyone who's ever been in the hospital will quickly learn that we are the backbone of the healthcare system, as well the patients' direct caretakers. The life of the doctor is glamorized, and you as well as 99% of the population fall for that. I'm not downplaying doctors, nor do I see them as "sour grapes." We're the ones who keep the doctors from messing up, as well as the ones who really have contact with the patients. Nursing is not tantamount with failure or underachieving, it is opportunity and dedication.

I am not angry with you, and I hope that we can continue the friendship. I simply wish for you to respect my wishes and realize that your stereotyping of the nursing field is wrong and insulting.

Sincerely,

------

How does it sound? Is it too bitchy or vindictive? Should I add or delete anything? Thanks!

Specializes in Telemetry.

:yelclap: :yelclap: :yelclap:

I'm in my second year of the DNP (Doctor of Nursing Practice) program, and I've heard this a lot, too.

Here's my background: BS in computer science with a 3.95 GPA and four additional years of pre-vet/pre-nursing requirements with a 4.0 GPA. If I finish this program, I will have had 11 1/2 years of college.

So why did I choose nursing?

I looked at the medical model and decided it wasn't for me. Sure, I like the "how does it work" kind of mentality, but one of the things that drove me crazy as a software engineer was that I was severely lacking contact with PEOPLE. Docs tend to come in, spend 5 minutes with the patient, and then leave.

Even when I thought I wanted to be a vet, I was the one to follow the vet in with the box of Kleenex when someone put their pet to sleep, and I always offered hugs and a shoulder to cry on to those who needed it.

It is the mixture of the great science as well as the caring presence that nurses can provide (okay, so I'm sure it's obvious that I'm still a student) that drew me in. Hopefully I can hold on to that when I enter the working world .

I wish you the very best of luck--you're going to be an AWESOME nurse!!!

ChickDude1

When I announce my choice of career, I often get looks of disappointment along with the, "But... you're too smart to be a nurse. You should be a doctor," line, or, "Oh, you couldn't get into med school?" This especially tend to happen on the Asian side of my family. Most of these people are victims to the presteige job stereotype and tend to view nurses as single moms and high school dropouts who don't have the brains to go beyond organized domestic work. I have a neighbor and friend who's great but pulls the above line all the time despite my requests for her to stop, mostly in front of others. In response, I wrote a letter that will serve as a template to others should the need arise.

How does it sound? Is it too bitchy or vindictive? Should I add or delete anything? Thanks!

:yelclap: :yelclap: :yelclap:

I'm in my second year of the DNP (Doctor of Nursing Practice) program, and I've heard this a lot, too.

Here's my background: BS in computer science with a 3.95 GPA and four additional years of pre-vet/pre-nursing requirements with a 4.0 GPA. If I finish this program, I will have had 11 1/2 years of college.

So why did I choose nursing?

I looked at the medical model and decided it wasn't for me. Sure, I like the "how does it work" kind of mentality, but one of the things that drove me crazy as a software engineer was that I was severely lacking contact with PEOPLE. Docs tend to come in, spend 5 minutes with the patient, and then leave.

Even when I thought I wanted to be a vet, I was the one to follow the vet in with the box of Kleenex when someone put their pet to sleep, and I always offered hugs and a shoulder to cry on to those who needed it.

It is the mixture of the great science as well as the caring presence that nurses can provide (okay, so I'm sure it's obvious that I'm still a student) that drew me in. Hopefully I can hold on to that when I enter the working world .

I wish you the very best of luck--you're going to be an AWESOME nurse!!!

ChickDude1

Thank you. Wow, your changes of majors are more drastic than mine! Another renaissance nurse, yippee!

I can't count how many times I've heard the "you're too smart to be a nurse" speech, especially from my mother. For a long time, she tried to get me to go into anything but nursing...dietician, therapist...you name it. Then things changed.

When my aunt, who had colon cancer, spent the last few months of her life in the hospital, my mother finally got a taste of what nurses do and how important they are. She could not get over how educated, intelligent, compassionate, and skilled they were! Last week, she telling me what a great oncology nurse she thinks I would be.

It's difficult when you don't recieve support from those close to you. Ultimately, you can't let their opinion affect you too deeply. I had to learn to be confident in myself...I'm attending a top BSN program in CA., my grades are excellent, I'll have options when I graduate. I always try to educate people whenever I can. Some will be receptive, while others refuse to examine their world-view.

I would also like to add that three Ivy League schools and many other prestigious universities, such as Georgetown, NYU, UCSF, UCLA, and Duke ALL have nursing programs. Nursing a career for underacheivers? I think not. :wink2:

One of my friends, also a nursing student, tried this tactic on someone who dissed the nursing profession via lamenting that she should be a doctor, (imagine an annoying ostentatious enthusiastic happy valley girl voice), "Wow, omigod, thank you soooo much for demonstrating the layman's view that nursing is a handmaiden job for lazy underachievers and people too dumb to become doctors. You're such a good actor, but of course YOU know the truth about the nursing profession. Only ignorant, uneducated, biased people who are dumb enough to fall for stereotypes have that misperception, RIGHT?" She said that an awkward silence ensued and the woman slunk off, but the point was made. Nothing like a little humor and sarcasm to get a point across. I had to laugh at her story, especially at her bimbo impression that she put on when retelling that line.

I guess I am lucky to have a very supportive family and support system. My parents are the ones who helped me to see the nursing profession for what it is rather than the blurred inaccurate vision of many people. So there is some hope!!

Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.
Wow, that's amazing that someone would say that to you! I'm getting the opposite remarks here. How wonderful it is I want to become a nurse and how hard it is for the schooling, and the job. Also, a few of the "Oh, you'll be SO rich!" comments also. :uhoh21: Uh, I could probably make more staying in the accounting field like where I was headed, but, we'll never know now.

It's funny because I hate telling people I am an Administrative Assistant, "secretary" is all they hear. "You're so much smarter than that!", when I have had some VERY demanding positions, but, never got recognized for my hard work.

I want to be a nurse because I want a job I can be PROUD of. I know I will feel pride in telling people I am a nurse, and I hope I can respond gracefully if someone ever questions my career choice.

When I read your post it made me chuckle to myself because a great friend of mine graduated with a four year degree in accounting but could not land a decent paying job and is now back in nursing school! He would say you made the right choice....

:lol2:

I guess I am lucky to have a very supportive family and support system. My parents are the ones who helped me to see the nursing profession for what it is rather than the blurred inaccurate vision of many people. So there is some hope!!

It's good to know that there are smart people in this world.

I found this while browsing the Nursing Advocacy website. It's very well written in my opinion.

"You could be a doctor!"

Well-meaning persons sometimes suggest that a nurse they find to be skilled or knowledgeable could or should be a physician, or kiddingly address such a nurse as if he were a physician. Although nurses appreciate compliments, many nurses view these usually innocent comments as unhelpful to the profession. Nurses work together with physicians to restore and maintain health. But nursing is an autonomous profession with its own theory, scholarship and clinical practice areas. Nurses are not junior physicians or physicians' assistants, and few nurses wish to become physicians. In fact, nursing has its own "doctors:" nurses with doctorates in nursing.

In many cases, these statements reflect a common stereotype that a health care worker who displays significant knowledge or technical skills must be a physician, since nurses do not have such qualities. When it becomes obvious that a particular nurse does have such qualities, it is not surprising that many conclude she must be exceptional, which does not conflict with their larger pre-existing ideas. The challenge is to help the public see that knowledgeable, skilled nurses are not the exception, but the rule. Breaking down this part of the nursing stereotype could also help persuade more bright, motivated people to enter the profession and relieve the current shortage.

Not all elements of the common nursing stereotype are negative. Many regard nurses as notably trustworthy, caring and patient-focused. However, we are still waiting to hear about a physician who displays these qualities being told: "You could be a nurse!" Of course, given the wide disparity in status between physicians and nurses, such a statement would be virtually impossible today. And we are not suggesting that it should be made; it could reflect negative stereotyping of physicians.

Yep. I came from an Asian family as well and my parents/relatives think I'm crazy for even considering going into nursing. I think it has to do with them not wanting to tell people I'm going to be a nurse because of "prestige" or whatever... It's hard... I finished my undergrad in biomedical engineering and they're constantly saying why would I "settle" for a nursing degree.... it's driving me nuts. It's true that if I had the money or the time, I'd probably go for MD, but since I don't, I want to become a nurse practitioner. The reason is because it's a field that makes use of science, which I like, but at the same time allows me interaction with others, which is lacking in the engineering field.

Also, another thing that drives me crazy is that they automatically equate nursing to a low-paying, dead-end job, whether you have an advanced degree or not. I was quick to point out that out of all 4-year program students, nursing graduates are well-paid, but for some reason they just keep thinking that it's such a horrible job.

OP, being from an Asian family boy do I understand! It can be a very different world, with academic achievement and "prestige" of jobs being top priorities and parents being an incredible source of pressure.

I don't know how old you are or what your experience was before, but you could politely point out that going into nursing was a well-thought out career choice for you because you've grown up and figured out your passion. A while ago my family and friends, many of whom went to med or dental school due to parental pressure, would have made similar "but you're too smart" remarks to me. A short 10 years later everyone is encouraging me, they see it as me making an informed choice as a mature adult who knows what she wants out of life. Time works wonders!

hope the same happens to you. It's sure been a nice surprise to me!:)

I hear you on that one. My Japanese side of the family sees nursing as "cute." In other words, it's noble, but still a pink-collar job in which you get to wear a pretty outfit and be a caring angel to patients and a doctor.

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