I just recently had a baby in October after just graduating in May. My orientation was extended until I went on maternity leave which was only a couple of weeks extra but I am super nervous about going back to work on Monday because I am officially by myself. I feel like everything that I have learned as a student has already left my brain and I just do not feel like I will ever be a "good nurse". I feel like right now I am so task oriented that I "have little time to think", which can make for a very bad situation if I have a really critical patient. Before maternity leave I would cry when it was time to go to work. I know that part of it was the fact that I was pregnant and 12 hour shifts HURT, but I also believe that part of it is the fact that I am having such a hard time on this floor.
#1-I knew before I started nursing that I wanted to do maternal-child nursing and despite every effort and applying to every hospital in town I did not get a position in L&D which is where I really want to work. I am not saying that it won't be hard in labor and delivery trust me I know it will. However when I did my externship on a labor and delivery floor I was so eager to learn. I WANTED to learn. On the medical telemetry floor that I am on now I feel like my learning is more forced in order to be safe. My 6 months is coming up soon and I can then transfer but I feel like I should just wait until my year is up to gain more experience. I wanted to maybe talk with the labor and delivery manager at the hospital where I work and see what I can do to get there, but I don't want to burn any bridges with my current manager or make work miserable because I know that I have not voiced that I want to go somewhere else to her at any point. I really don't know what else I can do to get to where I want to be. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
#2- I know some of my weak areas just from starting orientation, but they are classic to new graduates. One of them being time management. I try so hard to stay on task but when you have 3 confused patients and 2 total care patients it can be really hard. I know that one of the issues here is that I try to help the techs because I know that they are busy. I have a lot of trouble with delegation because I don't want to seem like the "B&*$&y needy nurse. I want to have a good relationship with the techs so that I can ask them for help when I need it.I just don't know how to get to that point. Another one of my weaknesses is cardiac dysrhythmias. At the school I went to this was not covered in our required nursing classes. There was a seperate EKG class that was $3,000. Needless to say the first glimpse I had on this was when I started working and that was taught through video and was really an overview. There are no teacher/student classes where I work and I just don't know how I can study this? Any ideas are helpful. Once again I just want to know what I should do when to get better at recognizing dysrhthmias and what interventions are expected for them. One of my other weaknesses is critical thinking. I rarely am able to look at labs and the diagnosis and say "hey I remember that this causes this and that's why this lab is off". In school this was how we were taught so I know that I should be that way now but nothing is coming back and I don't know what to do.
I have to talked to my manager and the coordinator over the orientation program. They both say that this can be a stressful time and everything will come back but I am just not seeing it. My manager says "Your'e doing great" every time I talk to her about it, but I just don't feel it.
After all of this writing all I can really say is that I am a nervous wreck. I have a new baby and really don't want to bring the stress of work home with me or that will cause burnout really quick, so I am so nervous about going back on Monday. On top of that I know that I do not want to be on the floor that I am on for an extended period of time. I REALLY WANT L&D because I hoped to go back to school after gaining experience in maternal-child but when all of the jobs say "experience required" I don't know what I can do to get there. I just need some advice on what I can do to make going to work less stressful. Thanks