There is a passive aggressive nurse at work

Nurses New Nurse

Published

Who I think is going out of her way to get back at me for something or is offended or something with me or what I've done. I'm not sure what it is, but she was extremely friendly to me at first, had precepted me a few nights with great success - and I thought we had become friends. I mean -- she was all huggy and smiley and friendly to me for weeks . . . Now she seems to be offended at something I've said or done, because she just is not speaking to me anymore at all. Also giving me dirty looks and just generally excluding me from conversations, etc.

Part of me feels she is just totally immature for doing this. I know I need to confront her, but part of me wants to just jettison her -- I mean -- how ignorant to be this way to someone new on the floor. And if she does'nt have what it takes to confront ME about whatever I did to offend her -- then I'm not sure what to think of her.

The whole thing has made me very uncomfortable in her prescence lately at work at times.

People are so weird. Giving the cold shoulder is so passive aggressive. I mean, it could be me, but I thinks he's actually going out of her way to exclude me from certain things at work.

What is it with people?? :icon_roll

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.

You might just have to make the first move and ask her, "hey I have noticed lately that we aren't talking much, is everything ok?"

Maybe she has just fallen on a hard time, and doesn't reach out very well. I also find myself confronting passive/aggressive urges, but generally once I have gotten on well with someone I don't revert backwards. But it has happened (one new nurse just ran my emotions out too much by never being happy with the floor at all and constantly dumping it on me while I was prepping my paperwork at shift change. After awhile I just had to bite my tongue and ignore her, because I wanted to scream "if it's that bad leave!". She eventually did, but never spoke to me again.)

On another occasion I confronted someone who precepted me because I was concerned she didn't want me taking care of her patients. (I was told she was overheard telling another nurse "man I wish you were taking care of this patient" about one I was picking up for the next shift. After asking her if we were cool she said "no I didn't mean I didn't want you to have them! I was just tired and hoped I didn't have to give multiple reports!") We agreed that we had different senses of humor about somethings, and ever since we have been very close. In fact if she wasn't moving I would have had her to my wedding shower!

I would just find a time that is good for both of you (come in a bit early, ask her to talk privately but not secluded) and just try to clear the air. It might not be as big a deal as you think it is.

Best of luck!

Tait

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/ER.

I had a passive aggressive nurse after me once--I was her target and could do no right, to make it worse she was the nursing supervisor. I called her into the clean linen room and confronted her, of course she denied it, but I brought up specific facts. I then told her firmly yet kindly if she had any problems with me she needed to come to me 1st that I may very well have a plausible explanation, and I would do the same for her, I would not talk about what a wretched hag (ok didnt use that word) she was to anyone else, I would simply go to her and tell her if I had a problem with something she said or did. I also told her I would respect her as a nurse and a supervisor.

We left the linen room and didnt speak for the rest of the shift, next time, I tried to make small talk and ask about her son and pretended like I cared. Next night I asked if she ever went to XYZ restaurant and if she liked it and this time did care what she said.

Fast fwd a few months and call me crazy we became friends, and she actually opened up to me about her passive aggressiveness, she never had that many friends, she felt unsure about herself in the supervisor role, her husband couldnt keep a job, her son got a mohawk and a tattoo etc etc etc. She had problems just like anyone else if not more, and used her passive aggressivenesses to deal with them.

They can make your life miserable that is for sure----best thing is to nip in the butt if you can. Best of luck to you...

PS just got done watching the movie mean girls---gee it doesn't end in high school does it???

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Passive aggressive nurses and staff members can make your work life very difficult for you if you allow them to. When you first sense that something is wrong that is the best time to try to nip the issue in the bud. It is much worse to wait until it gets very uncomfortable at work. The most effective way of handling this is to come to her politely and in a non judgmental way and present the issue you have noticed. I don't like to use the word confront because it has a negative connotation and if you go in your mind thinking it is a confrontation you will provoke a defensive response from this nurse. Start out by saying something like "have you been doing okay lately?" or some other polite introduction. Then present the issue from your point of view. Not by saying "you have treated me...." but by saying "I have noticed __________" or "I feel that______" The last thing you want is to make her defensive. Best of luck.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Community & Mental Health, Sp Ed nursing.

I have a situation where when I try to talk to this one nurse she literally runs the other way. We had a bit of a misunderstanding and it never resolved because of this. I recently found out her mom died and she has been going through a bad patch. She is a private person, but I've known her for a year now and heard this from someone else. I would like to tell her how sorry I am, and hope that she is taking care of herself. But I can't. I feel I would be intruding since she has made it painfully clear that she wants nothing to do with me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/ER.
I have a situation where when I try to talk to this one nurse she literally runs the other way. We had a bit of a misunderstanding and it never resolved because of this. I recently found out her mom died and she has been going through a bad patch. She is a private person, but I've known her for a year now and heard this from someone else. I would like to tell her how sorry I am, and hope that she is taking care of herself. But I can't. I feel I would be intruding since she has made it painfully clear that she wants nothing to do with me.

Send her a heartfelt condolence card, speak nothing of work in the card, have it be all about her and her mother and how your thoughts and prayers are with her.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Just one?

;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
You might just have to make the first move and ask her, "hey I have noticed lately that we aren't talking much, is everything ok?"

I like your suggestion. In situations like this, I know it's best to at least attempt to directly address the passive-aggressor in a non-confrontational manner, but HOW?! can leave me still feeling stuck. Oftentimes, what I come up with still don't feel right or comfortable to say. So I appreciate that you provided an example with exact words that aren't too stiff or therapy-talkish. :up:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.
I had a passive aggressive nurse after me once--I was her target and could do no right, to make it worse she was the nursing supervisor. I called her into the clean linen room and confronted her, of course she denied it, but I brought up specific facts. I then told her firmly yet kindly if she had any problems with me she needed to come to me 1st that I may very well have a plausible explanation, and I would do the same for her, I would not talk about what a wretched hag (ok didnt use that word) she was to anyone else, I would simply go to her and tell her if I had a problem with something she said or did. I also told her I would respect her as a nurse and a supervisor.

We left the linen room and didnt speak for the rest of the shift, next time, I tried to make small talk and ask about her son and pretended like I cared. Next night I asked if she ever went to XYZ restaurant and if she liked it and this time did care what she said.

Fast fwd a few months and call me crazy we became friends, and she actually opened up to me about her passive aggressiveness, she never had that many friends, she felt unsure about herself in the supervisor role, her husband couldnt keep a job, her son got a mohawk and a tattoo etc etc etc. She had problems just like anyone else if not more, and used her passive aggressivenesses to deal with them.

They can make your life miserable that is for sure----best thing is to nip in the butt if you can. Best of luck to you...

PS just got done watching the movie mean girls---gee it doesn't end in high school does it???

That's awesome, I admire how you handled that!:yeah:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.

PS just got done watching the movie mean girls---gee it doesn't end in high school does it???

Word. Sometimes I want to track down every grownup who ever told me it all went away after high school and smack them. But I guess that would just be aggressive-aggressive. :D

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Sometimes I want to track down every grownup who ever told me it all went away after high school and smack them. But I guess that would just be aggressive-aggressive.

No, that would be refreshingly direct. Giving them the cold shoulder interspersed with curt impersonal remarks would be the more passive aggressive way to go. :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm often excluded from conversations and there are some RNs who appear to not want my help or who won't take time to help me with questions. I think that confronting the situation won't really help - of course I'm in a culture where people don't like conflict and confrontation. I'm just waiting it out, and being a team player best I can. I like my job and don't want to be chased away by unpleasant people.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment