Suicide

[Racer15]

I am struggling with this. One of our nurses committed suicide the other day. She worked her last shift with me in our fast track, we had a great day. We were giving each other crap, she told me we made a good team and she always liked working with me, which was true, we always got things done. But I never saw the signs. I've struggled with depression and suicidal ideation myself, so I know how easy it is to hide your pain, but I'm still beating myself up over this. She was one of the first nurses that made me feel welcome when I was a baby nurse five years ago. And all these years later praised my abilities as a nurse and told me all the time how I was such a great nurse. I tried to explain to my mother how I was feeling but I don't think she understood. My ER family is way more than a "work family" to me. We ARE family, bonded together in ways outsiders could never understand. There's no real point to this, I'm just trying to process this loss. Thanks for reading.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

Management missed the boat. One thing we must do is shine a light when these things happen. Ignoring it or carrying on like "normal" is not helpful to anyone. When we had a suicide at my hospital, it was acknowledged and services were immediately offered by our chaplain and staff.

I have learned that physician suicide is one of medicine's dirty little secrets, and it extends to medical students as well. I have seen firsthand last year that even large academic institutions are often unable to do what needs to be done when a med student class is suddenly reduced by one. Not talking about it makes it so much worse.

*hugs*

[BCgradnurse, MSN, RN, NP]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that there was nothing you or anyone else could have seen or noticed.

Take care of yourself and your work family.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I have been there, on both sides. When I made the decision to kill myself, more than 25 years ago, it was a huge relief of stress and pain. I knew I had nothing more to worry about. I even went to work a shift, and halfway through thought "I could leave right now." Clearly I didn't follow through, I had a great therapist who turned herself inside out to help me.

A coworker suicided a few years ago, and I was told he was very clear in his decision (don't know how they knew that, but whatever.) I choose to believe that he had a few days of peace before he died, just as I did, and that he wasn't afraid. It made his loss easier to bear.

If you can think about her loss as a release from pain, instead of her being at the peak of her pain and no one was there, it may help. She may have been struggling for a long time, and finally got a way out.

OK, I know some posters won't like this approach, but it helped me.