phone calls no outsider would believe

[JBudd]

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.

I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!

Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!

What's yours?

[SecondGenRN]

Hey TazziRN - the "enema thing" was from a patient that had been known to seek bizarre sexual titillation from descriptive procedures...ewww!

(Maybe I could have have just told him to stick it up his bum, but I just couldn't - too icky.....creepy.....freaky.....and wrong!!)

Anytime you think you've seen the freaky of the freaky - someone always comes along that raises that freaky limit ----

OMG that's so funny! We have a guy that calls the addictions centre that I work at and asks us to describe how to give an enema too!!! (while REALLY enjoying it over the phone... very gross!!!) Don't know why he calls us in addictions? Perhaps the nurses caught on a lot quicker than we did lol

[Firefighter26]

Caller: How can I tell if my son has been smoking Pot?

Me: Look for missing cookies.

[Natingale, EdD, RN]

Im glad I found this thread.

This lady calls and says she read an article that said they found something new in peanut butter that makes people break out in rashes. She had a peanut butter sandwich earlier that day, and she started to feel itchy (11 o clock at night).

So I told her ma'am I cant help you over the phone, if you think its an emergency come in. Other than that I cant help you, Im sorry. If you have the article then bring it with you (cause I have to see it for myself lol)

This guy called me to ask me if a girl can get pregnant from the precum.

Another guy called to find out how do you treat gonorrhea.

This girl called to find out if we do pregnancy tests, if so how much is it because she doesnt have insurance. So i placed this very sarcastic doctor on the phone, he says "do you live near a pharmacy? she says yes. the doc goes "then its 10 dollars, go to the pharmacy BYE"

[sfsn]

The worst and most uncomfortable call I've gotten was a man that asked if there was a way that he could find out if his daughter is still a virgin. I guess the answer I gave him wasn't acceptable, because he then clarified that what he meant was could he tell by looking "inside" her if she had had sex or not! it was a long time ago and it still makes me feel icky

[navynurse06]

This is a sad one...

We had a mom call in frantic one day saying her teenage daughter had just took a bunch of pills and wasn't responive....what should she do? She said she was in the car on her way in. I live in San Diego...it's a big city...it could take a while to get to us via POV. told her to pull over and call 911. She didn't and ended up in our ED a few minutes later thank goodness. The pt ended up tubed and sent to the PICU. This was like her 4th attempt at suicide. Very sad.

[nursejennie76]

Had a lady call and say that she had a tick on her vajay jay!!! It was hard not to laugh as i said "you will have to call your doctor, I can not give medical advice over the phone". It was 3am I bet her doc was thrilled!! I kept waiting for her to show up, but she must have removed it herself!! Thank god-- I would not have been able to keep a staight face!!

[LilgirlRN, ADN, RN]

I once had to write a note for one of our techs, it was to her BF to tell him that a yeast infection is NOT a sexually transmitted disease.... we get it all in the ER, calls , notes!

[RN_in_SC]

I would have told the caller that asked about ingesting semen from a dog (I am an animal lover and I am having a hard time thinking of anything more gross than that).

I would have told you: You mean aside from the puppies growing in your stomach?