Signs you are a Correctional Nurse:

[DawnJ]

You get out of the car at the grocery store and shake yourself down for personal contraband before going in so as not to violate facility regulations.

You stand at your own front door, ring the bell, and wait for Master Control to let you in.

You tell your friend to "drop me a kite" when you want them to contact you later.

You count your sharps and check to be sure your thermometer batteries haven't been stolen.

You are entirely comfortable with not having a cell phone on you during working hours

You use the term "On the Outs" to mean the free world.

You look at a stain on your clothes and wonder if it is blood, feces or taco sauce.

You watch the local news to find out who you will be seeing at work tomorrow.

You know that, "I slipped in the shower", "I fell off my bunk", and "I got hit playing basketball" all mean the same thing: "I got my rear-end handed to me."

You get nervous when someone is behind you.

You've seen a man with breasts wearing "Daisy Duke" shorts beat the heck out of three guys at the same time.

You can eat soup with a spork

You can actually read and understand an inmate's illiterate attempt at written requests. "I need a bace for my wrisit" or "I have sea roaches of the liver"

You can be told by three different people in the same morning that they had been hit upside the head with a baseball bat recently.

You believe 20% of what you hear and 50% of what you see.

The thought had crossed your mind to hold a seminar called "Suicide....Getting it Right the First Time"

You know that anyone willing to tuck things inside their rectum for easy transport is dangerous.

[middleagednurse]

I will be starting a job in corrections shortly. I've figured out that I don't want to be attractive, but, do I wear makeup or nail polish? thanks

[DawnJ]

I wear professional make up but no nail polish. But that is just a personal choice. Whatever you do, they will notice any change. I went from all black lace up gym shoes to all black velcro-close gym shoes and one of the inmates commented on it. They know what weekend I colored my hair and when I get a new scrub top.

[proudauntie415, LPN, RN]

I just love this post. I can tell you have been there awhile as well. I was so naive when I started, I mean I'm not cold and nurse ratchet now. I remind myself I am a nurse and advocate...but will not tolerate disrespect.

[Grammaraine]

Is there a study guide and sample questions for the ACA certification test for nurses? CCN/M certification?

If so, where can I find it?

[f1j1nurse]

This is freaking awesome!!

[ShannonMink]

You know what "prison purse" means

[nurseLit5e]

that's where we (nurses) get our laughs, the misspellings, bad grammar and just all around hilarity of the message they try to get across on the all too famous "sick call slip". I just recently read one that started out with "My butt itches" OMG, what a laugh!

[nurseLit5e]

i do wear makeup, many coworkers wear nail polish, they (we nurses) actually groom the same as any other nursing job, going by the grooming standards of your work place. you just do not want to go around looking like you want a date! in other words be yourself, just don't look like your trying to hard.

[emilyy11]

That awkward moment when someone comes to sick call because someone else put a request in for them for "my pee pee burns"

A heavily tattooed inmate is afraid of getting their TB test done.

The inmates with that look tough with tattoos on their face or have a violent crimes areally often the nicest.

Inmates treat nurses better than jail COs.

You know withdrawal protocols by heart.

All the small cuts and wounds that turn into nasty infections and boils.

Dental pain and possible std are the most common sick calls.

Telling people to get something off commissary or giving them a DIY trick like butter for lip balm

Correctional nursing is probably the only specialty that nurses can be a little rude to uncooperative inmates or curse in conversations with patients.

Being able to draw and package dui blood with your eyes closed.

Nothing surprises you, not even the girl who shoves a spoon in her lady partsl cavity.

[LindaMarkman]

dealing with the "catcalls" is easy Learn to laugh. In my 30 yrs of prison nursing I've been called every name in the book. My usual response became- Are you a man or a sissy as real men treat women with respect. Another response I gave was Do you want me to listen to you because when people use foul language I tune them out.

[LindaMarkman]

Another thing to remember is your uniform- keep it loose and easy to bend squat and move in. 30 yrs ago I was orienting a male nurse to confinement- he was wearing white pants that fit rather nicely When he arrived on my unit the catcalls were loud and rather lewd. He asked Do they always do that to you? I laughed and told him it wasn't me they were admiring it was him. A few of the inmates then commented loudly on specific body areas- The next day the tight white pants were replaced with much looser and darker ones.

Remember where you are and while it's ok to look nice try to keep it simple. Another thing to remember is be honest with the inmate If you tell them you will do something either do it or go back and explain to him why you did not. If you are not going to do something tell them so. Once they see that you are straight with them you will have a lot less hassles.