Hovering Family Members

Nursing Students CNA/MA

Published

What do you do with them?

We have one patient at my LTC who has a family member there 24-7... they come in shifts. They are ANXIOUS. They call each other constantly with "updates" like "Sarah just ate 3 bites of yogurt!" or "Sarah's temperature is 99.5!!!! I think you need to come down here!!!!"

They want care provided by 2 CNAs (whether or not 2 are needed for the task at hand) at very precise times. If you're 5 minutes late they practically have an aneurysm- they're never hostile but they'll put on the call light and hover in the hallway and flag down anyone who walks by. This is after supper when call lights are going off like crazy and people on alarms are jumping and there are only 2 CNAs on the floor. They seem to think if she doesn't get put to bed RIGHT NOW then something terrible is going to happen to her. They take everything way too literally- like I'm sure when they first came here that someone explained to them why we were repositioning her, so now as a result they think that if we're 10 minutes late turning her that she's going to have a stage 4 decub by the end of the night.

They used to leave the room during care but lately they've been staying in there to hover. It makes things really awkward because the visitor on our shift alternates between jumping up gasping over the slightest little things and cooing from across the room at her family member and saying "I'm HERE, Sarah." Tonight she was hyperventilating over the hoyer lift and how she doesn't trust it. It's a machine specifically designed for the purpose of moving people! Physical therapy would not have care planned it if it wasn't safe!

They are driving me CRAZY! I wish someone would give them a Xanax or 3.

Specializes in LTC.

I don't know if the DON knows how crazy this particular family member is. They have one that stays there on days and one that stays evenings/nights. The day shift family member is there when we get the patient up from her nap in the afternoon, and she's demanding but not hysterical. She steps out of the room when we provide care and generally seems a lot calmer. The DON is not around to see the crazy one.

Specializes in Geriatrics.

Instead of getting angry or upset with them, look at the situation from their point of view. They feel helpless because they're not capable of helping their loved one.

Get to know them. Talk to them. You'll both be better off for it. They tend to calm down once they see you as more than just the person who wipes butts and gives showers. I've made friends out of some of my residents' family members.

Oh I know what you mean! They would drive me nuts! Thankfully I don't have any families like that on my assignment but some other aides do on their floor.

We have this family who is there bright and early every morning they have a list of what shirt goes with what pants and purse and earrings! They have it posted on this big sign in her room. And you will get chewed out if you screw up an outfit. If there's anything left in her room accidently a piece of paper or towel or whatever I've seen them throw it in her doorway and tell an aid to pick it up it shouldnt be in her mothers room. It's ridculous...you can't change the volume on her tv in the room or move anything! I bet they have a hidden a camera lol And the lady is 101! I for one would feel uncomfortable treating the very people who take care of my mom day in and day out so disrespectful. Especially if she's too old to know whats going on and couldnt remember to tell me. I know for a fact this lady is spoiled to death by her aid even though the family hates her...but I wouldn't even risk it if I was the family.

Specializes in LTC, Home Health.

I agree with commaderzoom, but sometimes your best efforts to befriend them go ignored. They are nice to your face, but they are still customers. Which means they can turn on you just as quickly. Thats why it's important to be friendly & professional at all times no matter how much you like them. That was our first lesson in CNA class!

okay so I have worked in LTC for two years now and yes i've had to deal with overbearing families. But the real reason i'm posting this is because at the beginnning of the year my dad got sick in may he spent a short time in my LTC facility he went home for about a month and half then in july he had a brain tumor removed this time he ws in the hospital until two days ago. Since I work as an aide I pretty much understand the in and outs of whats going on with the day to day care however MY MOTHER AND SISTER do not. They are these overbearing family members who beleive you should be doing something else to make our dad better. What I did and also told the staff at the LTC facilty and hospital to do was show my sister and mother how to do things so that they are not sitting around waiting(hovering) For example my sister thought that if my dad spilled a little coffee on his shirt it should be changed immediatly (it was a little spot) We showed her how to undress and dress him. Just showing my mom and sister how to do little things that were so simple pretty much stopped them from dramatizing every little detail. Both my sister and mom can now transfer my dad safely(he has left side paralises) they also help him get dressed everyday, tiolet and shower him. My piont is maybe your facilty should insist that these family members allow themselves to be educated on how to give proper care.

Specializes in Geriatrics.
I agree with commaderzoom, but sometimes your best efforts to befriend them go ignored. They are nice to your face, but they are still customers. Which means they can turn on you just as quickly. Thats why it's important to be friendly & professional at all times no matter how much you like them. That was our first lesson in CNA class!

Oh definitely! That's pretty much what I meant. Never, ever be rude to family members no matter how badly you want to.

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