You know you're a NICU nurse when...
1. You've eaten hamburger patties bigger than most of
your patients.
2. You define colors by the color of stool you've
seen - ex. baby poop green/yellow.
3. You don't understand why talking about sticking a
needle in a baby's head is making other people at the
dinner table ill.
4. At one time or another you've had breast milk,
poop, or urine on your work clothes.
5. You have affectionately called a patient Cletus
the fetus, wimpy white boy, troll, or FLK (funny
looking kid) in report.
6. You can change your patient's bed linens with one
hand while holding your patient in the other.
7. You can make an IV arm board out of some 4x4 gauze
and tape.
8. You've almost caught your hair on fire on your
patient's radiant warmer bed.
9. You've used a sock or a piece of tape for a
restraint.
10. You check out the scalp veins, cap refill, and
fontanels on a friend's new baby.
11. You use a cotton ball to obtain urine samples.
12. You use Saran Wrap to keep your food fresh and
your patients warm.
13. You think all crying babies need Benadryl,
Versed, or intubation.
14. You think the pulse oximeter, CPAP, and those
crappy no sticking leads were created by the devil.
15. You have ever shown a doctor a green residual
while they were eating.
16. You have obtained a 10cc residual when the
patient only gets 1cc.
17. You have put an intensive care patient in a
swing.
18. You don't get excited if your patient has a heart
rate of 180.
19. You do chest compressions with two fingers.
20. Most of your meds come in TB or 1cc syringes.
21. You prepare your patient's bath water in a Dixie
cup.
22. You draw blood from your patient's heel.
23. You use a rubber band for a tourniquet.
24. You've seen two complexes on the EKG screen and
not been excited - you merely pat your patient on the
butt and it's all good.
25. Newborn babies look like preschoolers to you.
26. You tell people what you do and they think you
sit around and rock babies all day.
27. When you tell people what you REALLY do they
start to cry and/or vomit.
28. You have assisted with surgery on your patient in
their bed and on the unit.
29. You have at one time or another, in the heat of
frustration, threatened to throw your patient in the
trash can or out the window.
30. You have considered using duct tape to hold a
pacifier in a screaming baby's mouth.
31. You have met your patient's father, mother's
boyfriend, and mother's husband all in one day.
32. You have made a mental note that how matter how
stupid people are, they still know how to get their
groove on.
33. And lastly, you know you'r a NICU nurse if you've
read 1-32 and have laughed your fanny off!
