I'm hoping to get some advice and feedback about my recent journey into the ICU. I've spent the last few years in an academic teaching center with an acute care med/surg float pool that went to 13 different units within my old facility. Naturally, after being in charge and having a good rapport with many of the various floors that I went to, I felt comfortable with med/surg and I wanted to take the next step and enter the world of critical care as it has always intrigued me.
I was craving change, so I left my beloved work place of 11 years and recently located to a new state, new institution, and entered an intense training consortium for acute care nurses to critical care. It's week 3 and I already feel completely overwhelmed. In reading this forum for awhile, I know it's not uncommon to feel like a new grad again as the learning curve from acute care to critical care is very steep. The time that I have spent on the floor has been so humbling and when I leave for home at the end of the day, I can't help but feel deflated and wondering if I made the right choice. I feel like I'm always playing catch up and my time management has been a mess, which was never really an issue for me in med-surg. Overall, I just feel incompetent. Since this is a new facility, there's always that added pressure that no one knows me, or my work ethic, so my feelings are also compounded by the fact that I'm the newbie that looks inept. I just feel embarrassed at my lack of proficiency. My preceptors have been supportive and told me to cut myself some slack, but I met with management yesterday with my preceptors and we all agreed that I'm behind where I should be for week 3. We came up with a plan for me to succeed, but now I'm torn and wondering if I made the right decision.
I tell myself that it's the culture shock of learning a new specialty in a new facility, so it's not only learning ICU, but also learning the nuances of charting and how the culture of the new hospital is. I also realize that 3 weeks is really not that much time in the grand scheme of things and that I should persevere, but I feel like I usually have a good intuition and I'm starting to think that critical care isn't for me. I always feel anxious and on edge, which I attributed to being in a high acuity and unfamiliar environment, but I think it's more that I'm just unhappy with my switch. While certain parts of my disposition are compatible with the ICU, I think other parts of me aren't and I don't think that's going to change in the next few weeks. This is why I'm having a hard time to see if should stick it out or if I should recognize my limitations (which I think is important) and graciously tell my new management that this isn't for me.
Since I moved out of state for this job and to be closer to my significant other, I can't just transfer back to my old job which is hundreds of miles away. I've reached out to nursing recruitment and see if they can find a better home for me within my new facility, which I'm awaiting for an answer. I just can't help but feel bad as I know this position was competitive. I know me leaving is not a sign of failure, but i want to be respectful of my current management and staff's time and not prolong this if I'm not fully invested in it. Going into this, I was not naive to the differences of acute care and critical care, but I guess hindsight is always 20/20 and I wish I would have shadowed my friends in the ICU first. I've had a few heart-to-heart conversations with my friends and I'm doing a lot of soul-searching, but I'm hoping others may be able to shed some light on my predicament as well. Thank you!
Thanks everyone. I had a candid conversation with management and expressed my feelings. I was on days, so I'm going to try nights and see if that makes a difference. I'm going to do my best to persevere. I really appreciate everyone's advice!
TKOmurse
4 Posts
Thanks everyone. I had a candid conversation with management and expressed my feelings. I was on days, so I'm going to try nights and see if that makes a difference. I'm going to do my best to persevere. I really appreciate everyone's advice!