Why do I do this to myself???

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Specializes in NICU.

I love taking care of the "sick" kids. YEsterday, I got in over my head. I took care of a babe that was transported to us from another state to be evaluated for liver transplant. Kid was green and anasarchic. Bleeding from everywhere. Everytime i suctioned his ETT, I got big clots.

We were "upping" the diagnostic efforts in preparation for a family conference. I drew tons of weirdo metabolic labs, a head u/s, cardiac echo, EEG. Then I had to take him to MRI. Well, we got the brain MRI without much difficulty (took an hour) then when they satrted the abdomen, baby coded. Had to call a team to run down from NICU and pharmacy. Gave epi x1, chest compressions. He had a one inch clot at the bottom of his ETT! Really thought we were going to lose this little guy. Finally stabilized him enough to get back to the unit where dad was waiting excitedly for some info from the scan.

I felt like I was so useless like I had done nothing good for this babe. I keep going over things in my head what could i have done to prevent the code. The MRI was just taking so long! I really thought he was stable enough to go.

Sorry so long. I'm just feeling oogie today about this.

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Specializes in NICU,PICU.

Gads I hate kids like that. You weren't over your head, it was a sick kid! There wasn't a thing you could have done different...if the kid was going to clog off his tube, that is what he was going to do regardless of where you were. I know how you feel though...I go thru stuff over and over.

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Specializes in NICU.

Update: They are still mystified by this baby's symptoms and why his liver is failing. His long term outcome is likely very grim.

Yesterday, I helped his parents hold him for the first time. They were so happy! It was awesome. At least they can have some pleasant memories.

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I hate my self if thing like these happaned .there is one time that I got admission of enecephalocele which (hoppless case) during we transfered him to do CT scan he desating up to 20s. I was afraid we do bagging unital we reach ct department our doc deside to intubated him so we overhead paging the Rt to bring vent and in the radiology department the baby intubated and put in vent and CT scan done.

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Specializes in midwifery, NICU.

((((((:icon_hug: )))))) to you babe, we all have times like this with sick babies, YOU weren't to blame! Take comfort that you helped his poor parents have a cuddle with him, you are a great nurse, caring about your patients, don't lose sight of that. Each day is new, with new challenges, and we just have to deal with what comes our way, good and bad. I know it's hard, but DON'T beat youself up:banghead:

Off topic- hope Santa is good to you, have a lovely festive season and all the best for 2007!:Santa1:

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