I had enrolled in the ASN program at a local community college in the late 1990s, but had withdrawn due to financial concerns. Back then, it had been just me to consider. Young, footloose and fancy-free, as the saying goes, I lived on Minute rice, microwave popcorn and minimum wages.
Today, I am married, have two children under school age, a mortgage and all of the responsibilities that these entail. Ever since turning in my application to nursing school, I've asked if I couldn't make a go of it when it was only my life involved, how could I hope to with so many others dependent on me?
These insecurities haunted me through my first week of classes. The idea that I was making a monumental mistake that would not only affect me, but my family, loomed like the proverbial sword of Damacles over my head, making me question my motivations, ambitions and decision.
And then I put on my uniform scrubs to attend my first clinical lab. Standing in the mirror, looking at my reflection--head to toe ceil blue, white leather shoes--I remembered something I had forgotten to that point. I remembered that this felt right.
Whenever I put my uniform on, I feel the power of the responsibility and knowledge it represents. I remember the promise of the profession contained within those clothes. More than just enjoying my previous nursing studies, I had excelled in them because I had welcomed the opportunity to feel like I had made a difference to someone. As I looked in the mirror during my first week of classes, the names and faces of patients I had worked with in my past came back to me, the countless times that someone had said, "You're going to make a wonderful nurse," and how I had swelled with pride and conviction at the compliment.
My mother is an RN. As a child, I watched her graduate from nursing school and listened to her countless stories from the proverbial field, when she'd return home from shifts at a neonatal intensive care unit or the urgent care clinic where she worked. I saw not only how much she enjoyed her work, but how much it meant to her. It was a vocation that constantly challenged and changed her for the better, and I decided I wanted the same thing for myself when I grew up.
In college, I talked myself out of pursuing nursing after listening to a little nagging voice of self doubt inside of my head, one that told me I couldn't possibly handle the chemistry classes needed. Instead, I studied communications and public relations, earned a Bachelor's degree, and wandered through the next five years much like a rudderless boat turned adrift to the whims of the tide.
When I enrolled in the local community college's nursing program, I hoped that I had defeated that nagging, insecure voice. I quit my public relations-related job and worked as a Certified Nursing Assistant. The pay was lousy, the work was hard, but I loved it because every day I found a new challenge, something new to learn, an obstacle to overcome, an objective to achieve. When personal debt threatened to overwhelm me, I realized I had no choice but to resume work in my degreed field, and reluctantly withdrew from the ASN program. I felt like that voice of self-doubt had been right all along.
The desire to become a nurse, however, remained. As a published author (another lifelong passion and pursuit), I found this manifested itself through my writing, which often features protagonists who are medical professionals, requiring me to research and describe nursing policies and practices in my morificecripts.
I have been employed in the same position in my degreed field for nearly ten years. During that time, I have watched my roles and responsibilities within the company shift and dwindle. In the current economic environment, I realized that if my position were eliminated, I would have little if any employment alternatives. The strain this would potentially place on my family was enormous. Thus, I sat down with my husband, weighed the pro's and con's and decided to study nursing again.
I could say that I want to be a nurse for the security that will come from being involved in a profession in which positions are always available, that education and advancement opportunities are relatively limitless and that areas of specialization are as boundless as my interests and imagination. But the truth of the matter is that, like my mother, I enjoy the responsibility, satisfaction and simple acts of kindness and competency that comprise the day-to-day activities of the job. I want to make a difference in the health and lives of others; I want to feel that they've likewise made a difference to me.
From my perspective, nursing will never be just a job, but the long-term career I have been searching for. More than a passing fancy, a momentary interest, nursing isn't just something I want to be. It is what I was meant for. I do not feel that I have chosen this profession, but rather that it has chosen me.
amandakash
34 Posts
I am also leaving the job market to pursue a nursing career. I'm anxious as the time approaches for me to start my clinical as I have no hospital or patient experience. I've been scared of a lot of things since I was a kid, but as I've evaluated my life and done quite a bit of soul searching while writing my application essays, I've decided that it's time for me to buck up and get out there. I'm tired of being SCARED. I've let it hold me back a lot in my life and I won't let fear get in the way of my nursing career. Over the past year I've worked a dead end job to pay for my pre-requisites and to put a roof over my head, knowing that it's just a means to an end. All the while I've gotten straight A's, but I know that pre-requisities are not the same as nursing courses. I am a good student and I am excited to tackle the challenges that lay ahead. Every once in a while a bit of fear creeps up in the back of my head telling me that I'm too scared to do the clinicals, let alone pass them, but I am determined to defeat that nagging thought! Since I've started on this path of my life, things have really fallen into place and lead me to believe that I am meant to do this job. I know that I will still have to work for it, but I know that in the end I will come out on top and in the right profession.