When a past patient passes away

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2009

We had a patient we took care of for a year on our stepdown unit that eventually died. We got to know the family that visited. Some of us went to the funeral home viewing. We only stayed about 10 minutes or so. I think one or two of the nurses may have gone to the funeral at the invitation of the family.

This also happened with patients at the nursing homes I worked at, particularly when the patients had been residents of the nursing home a long time.

It is also appropriate to send a sympathy card if you know the address. It lets the family know you remembered their loved one as a human being and not just as a patient.

gillytook · Jul 21, 2009

It would also be appropriate to give a donation in is name especially to an organization that he received support from.

It is perfectly nature to feel to way you do. There were certain patients that I took care of that I grieved when they passed. After taking care of someone in their home nearly everyday for months, they become like family. Even caring for a patent during one clinincal day, you can form an attachment. Let the grieving process work it couse.

kfarinato · Jul 21, 2009

Thank you for your responses. I have never felt like this about a patients passing, and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that during the 6 weeks we were there not once did we meet a family member. I know his mom loved him, and she made sure that staff was taking good care of him, and when one has a child with a long term illness it is hard to be there every minute, but it was very hard for us.

sh1901 · Jul 22, 2009

My family is full of nurses....I've asked them this question before - I'm scared of how I will deal with the first patient that I lose. They all handle it differently. Each of the nurses in my family have said that eventually you just come up with a way that let's you deal with the loss and move on. I know that my Aunt who works in the NICU comes home, takes a hot shower, makes a cup of tea and then closes herself in her favorite room, in her favorite chair with her favorite blanket and has a good cry. She just lets it all out. When she's done she comes out of the room and she's ready to go forward.

I'm not sure that I could do that, but there are a lot of things that I've said I wasn't sure I could do, and when the time came - I did it!

mybrowneyedgirl, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2009

I'm sorry for your loss. Try to find what feels right for you. I became attached to the husband of a hospice patient of mine who died. She was so out of it that I never bonded with her, but I spent so much time talking with and helping out her husband.

I was the one he came to get when she died and helped him deal with that. It was heartbreaking. Three nurses were there balling our eyes out over the loss. I had to work at the same time as her funeral or I would have attended.

Just knowing I was there for them made me feel I helped in some way.

Hugs to you.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2009

if you work on units where there are code blues or patients who are terminal you face death from time to time. i worked in a nursing home as an aide. i learned to deal with death very early in my career. what is hard about it is that it forces you to come face to face with your own feelings about death. that is something that you must resolve eventually. if it doesn't happen because of patients who die it will happen when someone in your family or a friend dies and you are forced to think about the issue. we all will die. it is part of our growth and development. i recently was called for jury duty and got snagged for a murder trial where the death penalty was a possible outcome. i posted a thread about this on allnurses central. after all my years in nursing i had very strong feelings about this and we were asked about it in court. and the court was respectful of how we felt. but, as they informed everyone, most never really sit and talk about our feelings on this.