What to do? Young male in nursing...

[humilis36]

well. i've searched the forums time and time again with no luck, so i figured i would start a new thread to see your suggestions in handling this dilemma.

painting the picture:

i've been in nursing since the age of 21 i'm clean cut, and have had a shaved head since i was a teen (going bald early ). i'm of an athletic build and it's well known with my colleagues and clients that i'm a happily married man.

marking the problem:

one day i walk into work my normal chipper self and find that a client i have taken care of for some time now, parent request only a female nurse care for her daughter. now this in many situations wouldn't have bothered me, as i understand that society has yet to come full circle in the acclimation of male nurses. assignment change isn't available due to the fact that i'm the only nurse on shift. the point i'm stuck on is that nothing preceded this; there were no complaints, as there are currently no complaints against me in the facility, and i've actually been the one suggesting beneficial practices to this parent. now, at first i felt resentment and a since of inadequacy, which burned like a smoldering fire i couldn't put out. here i've passed every test and challenge presented to me, i've passed the nclex, and i graduated nearly in the top of my class. so why now is it that i still receive shunning?

i worked for several years before i received my lpn as a cna/cnt at a ltc facility and received on countless occasions, discrimination from the clients that i cared for requesting only female staff of course they followed the remark with " no offence to you, or anything". what gives? i've never looked or glanced or even acted in an unprofessional manner. i've never made gestures or even treated the female clients i cared for any different than i would expect a man to treat a woman of my family, (with dignity and respect). so why is it that i can't let this die? i feel like these actions if i were a female, would be met with resentment of equal value.

to take this another step further, what if i were to request not to have a female nurse care for me in a ward where a male isn't available? is it then patient rights? or is it tough luck on my behalf? maybe i'm being a little thin-skinned, but i hope someone out there has some advice for me.

[EricJRN, MSN, RN]

Think about it this way: I don't want to care for any patient (or family) who doesn't want me. Some patients and families will be narrow-minded, misguided, or just plain goofy. It comes with working with the public. All you can do is steer clear of them, especially when asked to do so.

Posing a hypothetical (about a male patient requesting a male nurse) doesn't do any good in your situation, because you're not the narrow-minded, misguided patient here.

[wjf00]

I can sympathize with your dilema. I am a male RN in an NICU. I have the advantage of being in a very large unit with many assignment options. I have no idea if this has happened to me much or not. My charge nurse told me one time that some parents 'requested a female nurse only'. My immediate reaction was "What did I do wrong"? The answer I got was " Absoloutly nothing, the parents even went on to compliment me on my nursing care". It seems they simply felt uncomfortable for whatever reason. My next reaction was to accept another assignment. I also told the Charge Nurse and my manager to not notify me if this happened again, but to simply change my assignment per parents request. I only want to know if I am accused of poor nursing, that never has happened happy to say. I also go to high risk deliveries, I would gladly opt out if requested by Pt or family, but don't recall this ever happening. People come with their own ideas and prejudices, it may be nobler to try and change thier views and win them over. But I am reluctant to swim against the stream. I am most afraid that a situation might escalate. Let's say I insist on taking the same assignment, and a parent decides they want thier way no matter what. Now they take it to another level and accuse me of something falsely. Now I must defend my self against a lie. Not always as easy as it sounds. This thought is always in the back of my mind. I am always vigilant to be professional. It worries me greatly that someone could undo this with a lie. A male co-worker in a Pediatric unit who always seemed to be a professional, was accused of using inappropriate language with a teenage female pt. It seemed preposterous to me, but how could he prove it did not happen. These same parents had requested I not take care of their daughter because they wanted a female nurse, and I never got the assignment.(I found this out later from the RN who was accused)This incident spiraled and he was finally dismissed. No one could say it did or did not happen. I never want to be in this situation. Any hint the parents want another nurse is good enough for me, I don't need a valid reason. It probably is not the best answer, but I would take the opportunity to change assignments if it is possible, and accomodate the parents. Probably cowardly on my part.

[humilis36]

Any hint the parents want another nurse is good enough for me, I don't need a valid reason. It probably is not the best answer, but I would take the opportunity to change assignments if it is possible, and accomodate the parents. Probably cowardly on my part.

Unfortunatly I'm in the situation as to where I work in a setting where I am the ONLY nurse. and there is no "other" assignment. HENCE my problem. I did for a long time do as you say and just go the other way. IN fact it was more often a blessing when a patient would request only female staff, as they were more often than not very difficult to deal with on a broader spectrum. Yet in this case, I'm it.. there's nobody to do the job if I don't.. so I'm faced with NEGLECT? or Running the risk of being wrongfully accused for something I did not do.. ..

I appreciate the fact in knowing I'm not the only one who has had this integrity dilemma thou.. I just take things more on a personal level and I really guess I shouldn't.. it's just that misplaced ignorance and false perceptions really take a toll on my integrity sometimes

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

All is not fair and equal in nursing and I understand your frustrations loud and clear.