What is wrong with me?

ZootRN · Feb 21, 2007

Nothing seems so be wrong with you, but something is wrong with you job. If it's affecting you that badly, it's probably about time to move on to different shift/unit/hospital.

Good luck!

ParrotHeadRN · Feb 21, 2007

About 3 -4 years ago, I was experiencing anxiety like I never had before, and it was all centered around work. I worked float pool and I learned I am a person that needs a "home" so to speak, have some kind of routine. My heart would pound and I would break into a sweat every day on my way into work. I was seeing a therapist, telling myself I would get over it, etc. Then my migraines started getting much much worse. Actually, I should say A migraine started and it never went away, was worse than any I'd had before. I ended up hospitalized for a couple of days and even after that it was there, just not quite as excruciating as before. I decided to leave nursing completely and actually got a job at Petsmart as a dog bather, hoping to work up to a groomer.

SO, to make a long story a little shorter, and as this really is not about me, I ended up falling into another nursing job quite by accident, which I LOVED right from the start, and have never looked back. My anxiety problems disappeared and I was actually looking FORWARD to going to work every day, not looking for any reason not to go. And while I am not on that specific unit anymore, as it was closed, it has led me to other opportunities and I am still very happy where I am.

Please don't think all of nursing is like this, it may be that it is just not for you and there is no shame in that. That's why there are so many different choices for nurses. In addition, it sounds as though you work in a VERY toxic environment and should run, not walk, to the nearest exit.

Here's to hoping you find a better opportunity ASAP!!!:kiss

Keep us posted!

PH

jjjoy, LPN · Feb 21, 2007

Remind yourself that you've got skills and stamina to have made it this far! Give yourself credit and kudos for all that you have accomplished and for giving it your best shot.

Do you think you can ask for a transfer in your facility? Maybe you can go in on a day off (I know, sounds awful but...) and check out some other floors. Maybe one will seem better suited for you.

If you end up quitting, give yourself a few weeks if you can to recoup. And then try again.

You might have a better idea of the type of environment you'd prefer, or at least be able to avoid a duplicate situation. Then see how it goes. Maybe you'll feel the same - reassess the type of work you want to do. Or maybe it'll feel better - and you'll realize just how terrible the current environment was for you!

Imagine how wonderful to have a job you don't dread! You can't find it unless you go out and take the chance! Good luck! Take care of yourself!

NicoleRN07, RN · Feb 21, 2007

Sounds like your job is really getting to you, and you should probably move on to a different type of nursing.

Anagray, BSN · Feb 22, 2007

After being 6 months on the job I still felt incompetent and overwhelmed. Then one day it all "clicked" and slowly but surely I became confident and now people look to me for help. It is possible that you are in the wrong environment, but it is also possible that it may be taking you longer than most to fit into the new role. Whatever you choose, good luck!!

Natasha

kstec, LPN · Feb 22, 2007

I just read your post and my advice would be to try another area first. If after trying another area and the anxiety doesn't subside I would continue therapy and try medications for anxiey/depression. Stressful situations can cause all kinds of weird things to happen to the body and mind. I wish you the best of luck in decreasing your anxiety.

caliotter3 · Feb 22, 2007

In addition to whatever your doctor/therapist is working with you and the other suggestions mentioned here, I would also suggest that you try a specific stress reduction program with plenty of exercise. Exercise does wonders in making you feel more fit physically and getting your body to manufacture those hormones and metabolize whatever meds you are taking. It can't hurt, and should at least help you sleep more restfully. Good luck.

edgwow · Feb 22, 2007

Hi,

I hope you you realize that your symptoms are those of burnout in the area you are working in. That is stressful. Maybe you are not suited for that kind of work, you could do post partum or newborn home health care visits, change your specialty to something outside the hospital, office nursing, clinic nursing,camp nursing, assisted living or long term care. I would start eyeing some other types of jobs up. I haven't worked in a hospital for 15 years and have worked various jobs in the community. I would have a panic attack for sure if you put me on your unit. Nurses can swith jobs and tell the new employer, I just was not suited for that unit. Is it possible you are suffering from depression, and anxiety that you need to seek professional help for too.

Are you exercising enough and have you been to your primary? Maybe you need to get your thyroid checked.

Be well, and take a deep breath!

bethin · Feb 22, 2007

I dread going to work every day and spend every day off worrying about having to go back. I can't stand being afraid all the time. Everything hurts. I always feel on the verge of panic. I must have a "poker face" because people think I'm so calm. I shared my feelings with another, very experienced nurse and she said "oh, honey, we all feel that way...there's times I just want to run screaming out of the room." All I could think was Oh God, she stills feels like that...this is never going to end. I keep thinking when I go to nights it will be better. It's overstimulating on days - so loud, so many staff, so many family members, bright lights, alarms...I feel overwhelmed. I'm not a new nurse, but I've been doing high risk OB for only six months. I didn't think it would be like this. So many scary situations, scary families and scary drugged out patients. My husband has started wearing ear plugs. When I asked him why, he told me I am crying and yelling in my sleep. I had no idea. I am seeing my doctor today...I'm worried I will have to take meds to stay in this profession. I've been seeing a counselor to talk about my anxiety and I try to do all the right things to take care of myself...It's terrible, but several of the long time nurses on our unit are totally crazy - I'm not kidding they act like they have dementia! Is this what this job will do to me? Why am I such a whimp? What's wrong with me? Why can other people handle this and not me?

Ok, first off I'm not a nurse so I can't say I understand. I do work on an extremely busy med surg floor as an aide.

Are you a type A personality? An overachiever? Perfectionist?

I'm all of the above and I feel the same way when I know a work day is coming up. I've never cried or screamed at work, but last weekend I went to the linen closet, put a blanket over my face and screamed and cried. I see a therapist and take meds but that isn't going to cure the perfectionism. My neighbors have told me that I scream for a crash cart, a nurse, respiratory, etc in my sleep.

Have you considered a different area? If you like OB why not try post partum or regular OB without the high risk. Do you have a high pt load? Maybe (like me) you prefer 1:1 care or 1:2 care.

Good luck!

lannisz · Feb 22, 2007

Thanks everyone for your replies. I called off today and tomorrow (I've been sick for almost a week now). I think I need time to figure out what to do. I know the stress is making me sick. I also know I tend to be a perfectionist, I like routine and knowing what's coming. We never know what's going to walk in the door in this unit. I call it the OB ER! I feel comfortable with postpartum and also the post GYN surgery patients. If the labors and deliveries were routine I would be more comfortable with them too. But they never are. There's so much liability that we are documenting q 15 and everyone is high risk in some way or another. The ones who want a more natural birth and have no risk factors go to the other hospitals. I thought if I learned OB here, at this level, then I could easily transfer to a hospital without the high risk OB patients. I'm so close to being off orientation I feel like I need to complete it.

Testalestai · Feb 22, 2007

I know exactly how you feel. I tried to "stick it out" and lost my job that I've worked on for 25 years. My self esteen doesn't exist and I have no idea how to start finding a job-at 51 years old.