What do do while waiting?

Nursrcy00901 · Sep 30

Hello everyone

long story short I'll be put on probation as my state isn't allowing anyone new join their monitoring program until the new year 😐😬 which sucks because I would've loved that option.

I unfortunately got caught diverting with a positive test, and then fired. I started IOP the same week I was fired because I had a friend who did the same thing and gave me lots of advice. I also got a lawyer during this to help me with the BON. It's been 4 months and I am done with the ten weeks of IOP and now doing once a week of what they call level one with the treatment center via zoom. I also go to online smart recovery meetings after trying AA and NA and preferring the structure of smart recovery. Unfortunately, there's no meetings near me but I've found some that verify you online. I also started one on one therapy the week I started IOP because I needed to get to the root of why I decided to use and find ways to cope. Some crappy stuff happened this year that I don't want to disclose because I know the BON watches these chats. Anyways, with IOP being done I am so ready to go back to work. It's been over 4 months now and I have no idea when my case will be presented, my lawyer is hoping the investigator comes up with an offer for me to sign soon. He had to check out I completed IOP and that I'm in therapy, as well as look at the 10 UA's I completed during the program(I asked if I could do weekly to show l am not doing drugs. All were clean) when I signed his paperwork for release it said "fit to work" so I'm assuming he wants to ensure I have stayed clean with no cravings. Not really sure what he will check other than that. Thankfully, I've only had the one positive test and it was borderline that the testing place even told me to ask for a new test, of course my employer said no to that🥹🤣

since I was caught I had 0 cravings or desire to use. I actually only diverted a handful of times so I don't feel like I was addicted yet. I'm glad that I have a second chance at life and that my nursing career isn't ruined, but the waiting now is horrible. I went through the BON approved rehab facility and they suggested outpatient versus 30 days in patient. Because I was fired I qualified for our states Medicaid and treatment has been 100% free. I know the costs of saving your license amount to a lot so that was a blessing to save $4000.

I was approved for unemployment due to getting into a rehabilitation program within 10 days of being fired so that has been a lifesaver. I had no idea that if you're seeking help that the state will help you! My job could have kept me while I got help, but they chose to fire me and tell me I am eligible after finishing the probation sentence I'll be given. At first I really wanted to go back, it was my dream unit. After so much therapy I realized how toxic it was. I had stellar reviews, then hit rock bottom and instead of helping me like they could have(in the paperwork they gave me that they could choose to help), they said goodbye. I killed myself for that job. Thankfully I still have 14 more weeks I can claim of unemployment without having to renew it, so I'm hoping to be able to land a job by then. The investigator also had grace on me because I owned up to what I did, showed I was getting help, and my license was not ever suspended. I mean probation will still suck, but to show I wasn't suspended made me feel like I did "something" correct.

I will say to those finding this chat and starting this process, being honest and owning up to your mistake will take you way farther and they seem to have more grace on you. Had this been in a few months I'm sure I'd be eligible for the HSPS program my state is getting back. I also don't feel like you need a lawyer if you confess to your mistakes. That being said, my "mistake" may be a lesser charge so I can't say that for certain. My drug test barely failed, and my lawyer said I didn't have a cocktail of drugs in my system which saves a persons sentencing. My lawyer also had to tell me I would be better off confessing than lying. Had I not had a lawyer, I probably would've tried to lie out of fear.

something I learned valuable in IOP is that nobody is immune to developing an addiction. This disease doesn't discriminate. I've meet so many healthcare professionals with an addiction problem. You and I are not alone. It may suck having the stigma of being an addict, but I believe that all addicts aren't found. Those who judge the hardest probably carry some of the biggest secrets.

anyways, I hope this helps someone. I am currently trying to stay busy and hope time passes so I can start somewhere fresh. I've found a few jobs that hire nurses on probation, I just need to get the approval to start working by the BON or investigator. As much as I wanted to go back to the job that fired me, I think I'd rather find a job who supports me. I have no cravings or desire to use and have found new coping skills to help when I hit a low spot. The handful of times I used, it was so I could fall asleep at night, so I've had CBT and DBT training to help with nightmares, which has helped and they've lessened.

for those that had to wait around like me, what did you do? The anxiety is minimal now, but sometimes it's higher because bills need to be paid and unemployment is 1/2 of what I made. Thankfully it's keeping a roof over my head though, so I can't complain it could be worse.