What were your funniest medical intakes?

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I had a young guy about 19 years old that was transferred in from a State Mental Facility where he was sent for 60 days to be evaluated. During his medical intake I asked him if he had any allergies. He responded "I'm allergic to flour and milk." I then asked him if he had any medical problems. He responded "I have cancer." I asked him what type of cancer. He replied "Digestive enzyme and I'm on radiation!" I asked him who was his Doctor and when he was diagnosed. He replied "I never went to a Doctor!" I asked him if he self diagnosed himself and he replied "Yes!" While I was taking his vital signs I noticed a piece of string on each wrist and I told him that I liked his bracelets. He replied "Thank you, they bind me!" I asked him what he meant by binding, he replied 'They keep evil away." To make a long story short, I ended up walking him down to Mental Health where we were greeted with "Oh, well look who's back!" Needless to say, he was my very 1st intake and I will never forget that experience...There is never a dull day in Corrections...and there is no other place I would rather be!;)

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I had a young guy about 19 years old that was transferred in from a State Mental Facility where he was sent for 60 days to be evaluated. During his medical intake I asked him if he had any allergies. He responded "I'm allergic to flour and milk." I then asked him if he had any medical problems. He responded "I have cancer." I asked him what type of cancer. He replied "Digestive enzyme and I'm on radiation!" I asked him who was his Doctor and when he was diagnosed. He replied "I never went to a Doctor!" I asked him if he self diagnosed himself and he replied "Yes!" While I was taking his vital signs I noticed a piece of string on each wrist and I told him that I liked his bracelets. He replied "Thank you, they bind me!" I asked him what he meant by binding, he replied 'They keep evil away." To make a long story short, I ended up walking him down to Mental Health where we were greeted with "Oh, well look who's back!" Needless to say, he was my very 1st intake and I will never forget that experience...There is never a dull day in Corrections...and there is no other place I would rather be!;)

I was doing a new gain health review at a state facility,when I asked the inmate what type of seizures he experienced he replied"a very deadly type ma'am they are callled psuedo seizures" I stillhuckle everytime I think about it.

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Yep just happened day before yesterday.

I go down to intake to get a blood pressure on a new roll in.

They have three females in a cell.One is crying and saying...help help help us.I get the deputy.We call a code as one of them is on the floor appearing to have a seizure.She had just come back from the hospital.When the cart arrives she gets up and says...I can't help it I can't help it.If you have ever seen a real seizure there is no way she could have jumped right up to her feet and suddenly regained all conciousness.lol..anyway the one calling for me was wearing a green fuzzy bathrobe.

We get the inmate into oranges for the ambulance ride and she is calling out to the others...I love you..I love you...It was like a movie or something.lol...Whew...I hate it when women smoke crack.

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Specializes in Psych, Correctional, LTC and Rehab.

yes...we ahve a womens' division at our prison, as well.

It's the block we all dislike the most.

Faking seizures is the most common "man down" I have no matter where I work.

Next is: "chest pains" from a 20 year old. :) zzzzzzz....

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yes...we ahve a womens' division at our prison, as well.

It's the block we all dislike the most.

Faking seizures is the most common "man down" I have no matter where I work.

Next is: "chest pains" from a 20 year old. :) zzzzzzz....

:rotfl: :rotfl: Oh, those fake seizures get me everytime! Years ago at the hospital, we'd get a few 'near syncope' admissions - otherwise drunk!! This one old gal came out to the nurses station one night - carefully laid down, and started having a 'seizure'. The supervisor knelt down and asked her "Jane Doe, are you having a seizure?" Well, the old gal stopped, looked at her, said 'Yeesss', the continued. The super told her that we couldn't allow her to do that in the hall, it was a hazard, and told her she'd have to do it in bed. She got up then and went back to her room.:roll

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Specializes in LTC, mental health , corrections.

I work in a prison with a population of over 1500. Every once in while you get a case that makes you realize that stupidity is why they are there. The CO's brought a young man to the HSU without calling ahead, which they usually do. The inmate did not appear to be in any distress but the officers had tears in their eyes? Turns out it was because they were trying so hard not to laugh!! Apparantly this inmate had been engaging in some self gratifiying behavior and had stuck a 10 inch shampoo bottle so far up his backside that it wouldn't come back out! He was sent to the local ER and a surgeon reached far into never never land to retrieve it. It takes all kinds! I felt the worst for the CO's who had to stay with him while this happened.

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Intakes could make me roll sometimes, but my favorites were sick call slips. "I have crabs and my a** smell like feet" and "DR DOTHELL, HELP!!!!!!!!!!! EMERG!!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT NURSE THAT DON'T WANT TO WORK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!" were two of my personal favorites.

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Specializes in Corrections, Oncology, Plastic Surgery,.

It's hard to say what my funniest intake was.... was it the man who entered the room wearing tin foil? The lady with a trash bag mini skirt? the transgender that refused to give it's real information?

This case is somewhat funny and a little disgraceful. A mentall retarded women was arrested one evening for double homicide. Her friendly elderly neighbors baked her cookies, brought them to her home. The inmate states they had mothballs and were leaking yellow perfume on the tops. While arrested she beat the police officer up, kicked the window in the car and leaped out. all while screening her she continued to say "I only shot blanks at them"

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Intakes could make me roll sometimes, but my favorites were sick call slips. "I have crabs and my a** smell like feet" and "DR DOTHELL, HELP!!!!!!!!!!! EMERG!!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT NURSE THAT DON'T WANT TO WORK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!" were two of my personal favorites.

Well, did you ask him how he got his nose down there to smell his a##?!!:lol2:

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