I entered TPAPN a couple weeks ago and am scheduled for my assessment by a psychologist next week. I self referred after having a positive drug test at work and being terminated. I admit I diverted while at work, I've started the NA meetings.
I used dilaudid that I diverted at work a couple times a week for about two months. It started as simple curiosity: what is it about dilaudid that all the patients seem to love? So I tried it. I honestly don't think I'm an addict, I stopped once I got caught without any problem (other than the shame and embarrassment of course), no withdrawals etc. I never used it at work. It was recreational use, it was a nice feeling, so I did it again, and again, once or twice a week, depending on how often I was able to get a 1/2 dose from work. I never got to the point where I had cravings, I never had to increase the amount I used. I know it was stupid and would've been the beginning of an increasing level of use...but I didn't get that far. From everything I've read and what I hear at the NA meetings, I feel like I will be treated as an addict no matter what I say. I'm worried about going into this assessment and having the doctor twist everything I say to justify an addiction.
i know they'll just view me as being in denial, refusing to admit I have a problem. But I truly don't think I do! Yes I was stupid, but I never got to the point of being addicted. I'm afraid I'll go to this assessment and they'll make me go to 8 weeks of "therapy" for my "addiction". I was under no stress when I started diverting, I wasn't trying to use drugs to cope with any problems in my life, nothing like that. It was a simple, stupid case of curiousity and then kept up just because it was a nice high.
I self reported to TPAPN strictly because I knew I'd have to go eventually once my employer reports me to the board.
So I guess I want to know what to expect during the assessment and if there's any point in trying to convince anyone I wasn't addicted?
I couldn't Have said it betters self. I can here myself giving the exact same "explanation" about my drug use. My favorite was "I was young, had no kids , no responsibilities so I experimented a lot!" Sure, that's the way things started but boy oh boy did they get bad. Unfortunately it took years for me to get it.
My best advice recovering-RN;
You will be disciplined and put into TpAn. You might as well take advantage of this and do some soul searching and be completely honest with all things. This by no means is a fair or fun program but it can either work for you or against you. You said you started NA meetings. How do you like them, can you relate with anyone!
Yes I guess being labeled an addict is the least of my concerns. Poor judgment is an understatement! I'm 40 years old so I can't even use being young as an excuse! I'm certainly old enough to have known better. I've been getting a lot of good soul searching with NA. I'm going to try to take this time in my life as a chance to focus on my health, physically and emotionally. Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. I suspect I'll learn a lot about myself in the next few months. IOP should be interesting.
Omaapecm, ASN, RN
258 Posts
Great post CryssieD
I couldn't Have said it betters self. I can here myself giving the exact same "explanation" about my drug use. My favorite was "I was young, had no kids , no responsibilities so I experimented a lot!" Sure, that's the way things started but boy oh boy did they get bad. Unfortunately it took years for me to get it.
My best advice recovering-RN;
You will be disciplined and put into TpAn. You might as well take advantage of this and do some soul searching and be completely honest with all things. This by no means is a fair or fun program but it can either work for you or against you. You said you started NA meetings. How do you like them, can you relate with anyone!
I wish you all the best!