What Can You Say to the Family When Your Patient Dies?

[tnbutterfly - Mary]

Your patient has been breathing irregularly for some time now and just drew another gasping, agonal breath. Holding your own breath, you wait…and wait.. for the next breath. But it never comes. It hits you that your patient just died.

You've never had a patient die before, much less witnessed the moment of passing. You are shell-shocked. But soon the family will be here and you need to compose yourself and be professional. Whatever that means.

It's hard to be prepared for the loss of a patient. The family may turn to you for support…...but what can you say? This is hard even for seasoned nurses. But having a few phrases in mind will help.

Read some suggestions from Nurse Beth, our career advice columnist, in her article:

8 Things to Say When Your Patient Dies.

[Nativejenny]

It's never easy and I've had to do it many times. I tell them I'm sorry their loved one has passed. If it was expected I tell them it was a peaceful death and they didn't suffer. I provide privacy, provide tissues and drinks. I also thank them for allowing me to take care of their loved one.

[TraumaKittyRN]

There really is never anything "right" to say when someone's loved dies. What helps is simply what actions you take, sometimes it is to say something comforting, other times it is to simply slip away and let them grieve, other times it's say nothing and hug them. I see death more than I care to, some days it is beautiful, a person slips away surrounded by people who love them peacefully. Other times it is gut wrenchingly tragic a life cut short a family in shock.

The one time instance that stands out in my mind is a family that got the horrific call their son was in an accident and had to hear that his injuries were fatal. They stopped all lifesaving measures and stood watching him slip away. His motorcycle helmet was the one thing they wanted to take with them and their nurse was busy so an aide and I quietly slipped away found it and cleaned it up so there was no evidence of the traumatic events and gave it to his mom. I said nothing just offered it to her and she grabbed me in the biggest hug I have ever had. I have never felt such gratitude in a hug in my life, I just held her back and let her cry on my shoulder for a moment. I had no words for her, nothing comforting to say. How do you find words that encompass the loss this family had experienced?

When they left later that night she found me, she grabbed me in another huge hug and just whispered to me "Thank you". I squeezed her with everything I had, I couldn't talk but I think it was what she needed because she left cradling the helmet and gave me a small sweet smile before she left.