I am a new grad and I work in a level III NICU. I just finished week 7 of a 12 week orientation. I am feeling pretty darn overwhelmed and I just don't know how all of this information swirling in my head will become second nature. I was about to start on my BSN (I have a BS in another field) but I pushed it back because I'm feeling so overwhelmed at work.
I get super nervous when being watched by a preceptor and I find that I make more mistakes when I'm being overseen than I do when my preceptor is at lunch or in a meeting etc... So I feel like my preceptor thinks I'm less competent than I am. Unless I really am incompetent! She says I'm being too hard on myself but at the same time, reminds me of things I *should* know by now. And I do know them....that's the really frustrating part.
I also have trouble when my preceptor "helps" me with things. It messes with my flow and then I forget things because I don't know who was supposed to do it or if she did it already. For example, last night my preceptor got the feed ready in the NG tube...warmed it, set it up in the pump and put the end of it in the isolette and put down the blanket. When I saw she didn't start the pump I programmed it and hit start. Well, I fed the bed because she didn't connect it, and I didn't look (I should have, I know). But had I set up the feed myself from the start I wouldn't have done that because I have my process.....if that makes any sense. The baby had low chems and I felt awful that I delayed her feed. I know my preceptor did that because I was running behind a bit from a morning x ray so she was trying to be helpful. She is a very nice person.
On Saturday I came into work and was promptly told that there were 24 week triplets born overnight....one died the night before, and one just died as I walked into work - and I and my preceptor would have the third 24 week triplet. We did post mortem care on the infant that died that morning and the dad was sobbing and I just felt sick. The third triplet was touch and go and she's still alive thank God, but I've felt sick since Saturday. My nerves are on high alert. This was also the second baby I've personally taken to the morgue in my 7 weeks.
I guess I'm just venting and I want to know that it gets better. I was a 4.0 nursing student and my clinical instructors and clinical preceptors all liked me. During my transitions I was offered a job on that unit so I know I did a good job. But I wanted to be in the NICU - which is an entirely different animal because I didn't see one iota of any of this stuff in nursing school. So I don't know if it's just new nurse jitters coupled with learning an Intensive Care specialty at the same time or what. I'm really used to picking things up quickly and being 'good' at things. High achiever and all that nonsense that really ends up being more of an albatross than anything. So I'm definitely having a crisis of confidence that this isn't coming easily. I'm an old new nurse...47 and a second career. I LOVE being a nurse for whatever that's worth.
I'm contracted to the unit for a year. So I really need to figure out what's happening so that I can be happy. I'm working on a new brain sheet over the next few days when I'm off to reorganize so that I don't miss some things. I also bought the book you guys talk about on here....any other suggestions for surviving your first year in your first nursing job in the NICU?
PS...>They should REALLY include NICU in the nursing school education!
Nurse Magnolia, BSN, RN
213 Posts
Hi, the book is called
Merenstein & Gardner's Handbook of Neonatal Intensive Care
It was helpful while I was there!
Good luck!