Wednesday July 19th 2023

No Stars In My Eyes · Jul 19, 2023

2 PM:

Jeepers Creepers. Hubby just headed out to the "shopping center" (ABC store). I can't tell if he has been drinking or is out of vodka and that's why he is so morose. I said to myself: "Well, I hope he can manage everything"...// I had to let go of worrying about if he gets stopped (because he still hasn't got his driver's license renewed) ... because I WILL NOT go buy his booze! I know I could call the cops on him, but jeezo, that would double or triple my responsibilities, and I can't take any more. I'm praying that he and the car will arrive home intact.

Next Monday I see the PA about my left shoulder bursitis; Wednesday is his eye doc appt, which I confirmed by phone.

I still feel some 'free-floating anxiety" and am SO weary of this situation w/ Nannie and hubby. I don't really want to leave, and maybe I am dragging my feet. But, I have no $ and nowhere to go, and if I did have $$$$$ I would slam him into detox/rehab so fast his head would spin (if it isn't already spinning.) He hasn't called the guy about her annuity. I may drop by that office and see what I can see... but I'll bet we have to make an appt. with that guy. It would have to be on a day and at a time when hubby is least drunk. I DO have to go to that appt w/ him because he never remembers things correctly. And one more thing he said last week was he could lie to the PCP and tell him he has quit drinking, so he could get something to help him sleep. If that's what he plans on doing, I don't know what to do or say.

Well, the good news is that he has returned in one piece from the outing to re-supply his "inventory".

GAH!

Ah, foof and ppfftt and any other sound of disgust. I'm also tired of only posting complaints.

nursej22, MSN, RN · Jul 19, 2023

It's warm and sticky here. I just got home from volunteering at the demo garden. One of the garden leads charged me with dead-heading (removing the spent flowers) from the daisies, one of my least favorite flowers. I really wanted to just cut them all off at the ground, but I carefully snipped here and there. By next week they will all be spent, and then whack, whack! Oh, but I won't be there next week, because we will be on our flight to Boston! Woot!

Ado a fund for transportation seems like a really good idea. Does your hospital have a foundation that helps with fund raising?

Stars, that is **** that you have to risk your only working car to support hubby's addiction. And it's laughable that he thinks he can fool his doc about it to get yet more drugs. I keep thinking he's going to fall really sick, but he like the Timex commercials, takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'. You can, of course, vent away here, all you need. I worry about your health and wish all the best to you.

Joe, your weather sounds like ours. I sure wish we could get some good rain. But there is nothing in the forecast. dh is spending his day dragging the hose around.

No Stars In My Eyes · Jul 19, 2023

Do you know hubby got all his refills from phoning the doc's office. He has no appts set up, except for eye doc next Tuesday. I think he doesn't even need to wait that long, as his eye is reddened from rubbing it, and to me it looks kind of puffy/swollen. Tough S****, but he won't listen to me. I told him he should buy an eye patch for when he goes blind. After supper he went upstairs to rest in his bed, and said to get him up when the baseball game begins. Yuh.

When I went outside to put down deer-corn, my cellphone rang. When I walked back into the den and Nannie said, "Did you call me?" I said I did not. She then said, "Your family is trying to get in touch with you! It sounded really important!" I said, "You heard someone speaking on my phone?" and she said, "it was some man and it sounded really important!" I told her that unless someone picked up my phone and opened it, there would not be anybody talking. There was just a 'missed call' notice, but no name and no message. She must've heard the TV news-person talking. (smh.)

I actually had to take one of my PRN 0.5 mg Xanax when I came back from picking up supper. I feel like I want to cry, but can't. I feel SAD and low and depressed, AND I feel PO'd at hubby, which doesn't help at all, but it sure sneaked in with a BIG whack on my brain today.

Wondered about the reasons I could use to get him remanded to a psych ward. He'd probably be let out in 36 to 48 hours and it wouldn't stop the drinking. I want HIM to really WANT to stop drinking, but that's just magical thinking. I missed this weeks AlAnon mtg. and my appt w/ Dr L. is in 3 weeks.

Okay, everyone lay down their bets on this: Will hubby or won't he remember that my 74th birthday is Saturday. It is written on two wall calendars, but I haven't seen him refer to either of them for maybe a month. I don't plan on warning him ahead of time, and I won't become enraged if he does forget it. But I'll definitely tell him that the vodka has fried his brain, like it will make any difference. Except if he doesn't feel bad enough, I at least want him to feel badly for at least 5 seconds.

Ado Annie, ASN, RN · Jul 20, 2023

J22, I'm glad your sister is doing well.

Stars, I hope that your mood improves. You are doing a lot that you don't get enough appreciation for.

Who was it that is going to Vermont soon? Dianah? J22? I can't remember. Our next risk managers meeting is in Burlington starting Aug 13. This morning we had an online meeting and I asked the insurance guy who lives in Vermont about the flooding. He said there are still some roads closed. And he has friends and family who had some water in their basements but he avoided that.

nursej22, MSN, RN · Jul 20, 2023

I am going to Vermont next week, Thursday through Sunday. We are going to support my son and his daughter as they participate in a 100 mile bike ride to support JDRF, in Burlington. So far, there have been no announcements for curtailing the event. Last year's ride in Death Valley was shortened because of flooding.

Ado Annie, ASN, RN · Jul 20, 2023

So the floods follow you (or precede you) around the country!

Seriously, I hope the ride goes well.

nursej22, MSN, RN · Jul 20, 2023

Ado Annie said:

So the floods follow you (or precede you) around the country!

Seriously, I hope the ride goes well.

ya know, that thought has crossed my mind! Thank you for the well wishes. I've never been to New England.