VA HPMP

[AnnaHill]

Hi,

I am 15 months in on my 5 year contract with HPMP and desperately need to vent and get advice. I am afraid I am going to be dismissed because my caseworker quit and one of the program directors took over my case. He is reviewing my files and is finding multiple problems with my paperwork that my previous case manager never said was an issue. For example, my contract stated I could attend ANY type of 12-step program and I chose to attend one that was not AA or NA.  Well, the director called me out on this saying I have to attend either AA or NA because they want me to continuously work on my "addiction". In response, I told him I do not have an addiction and my initial report from an INOVA Addictionologist states that. He said I do because THEIR evaluator diagnosed me as having Substance Abuse Disorder (SUD) and they only accept evaluations from their approved list of people.

For reference, I was charged with DUI after I pulled over and parked my car, took my pain medication as prescribed by my doctor, and went to sleep. An officer woke me up and to my shock I received a DUI because I took a narcotic, was sleeping in the driver's seat, and have a push ignition car. The rational was I could have woken up at any time and driven off and I obviously drove there so I was charged. At the time I was not working as a nurse due to an ongoing medical issue, but self-reported the DUI to the board and voluntarily entered HPMP as recommended by my lawyer. The charges were dropped, but in the meanwhile I had been labeled a drug addict by HPMP's evaluator. 

Meanwhile, my medical issue has resolved and I haven't needed pain medication for over a year, but HPMP wants me to work the 12-steps and talk at the AA/NA meetings. I hate having to play along to get along, but I will do and say whatever they want to keep my license. My problem is now I have been noticed by one of the program directors and the advise on this forum is to keep your head down. I'm afraid I've been labeled as noncompliant and HPMP will be looking for any reason to dismiss me. I'm terrified of this happening and feel no matter what I do I'm doomed. I really missed up by telling the director I don't have a drug addiction. I felt I could be honest because I've done that with my psychiatrist, who they require me to see, and my previous case manager, but I I realize now what a big mistake I made. Any advice you guys have for me would be very much appreciated.

 

[K. Everly, BSN, RN]

Deep breath. You can still keep your head down (I'll elaborate), and if your other case manager had all your paperwork and never raised an issue, I don't see it as being likely that you'll be retroactively punished by the director. You just have to follow HIS rules going forward. 
 

An important thing to remember is that the truth doesn't matter much to these ppl, it's the optics. I'm going to level with you from the outside looking in, that the situation that landed you in this position looks a lot like addiction. Whether you agree with that or not is neither here nor there because you're in this program because someone else in power saw it through this same lens. Someone sleeping behind the wheel who is intoxicated with alcohol and narcotics, whether the drugs were prescribed or not being of little consequence. I think it was *** advice that your lawyer told you to self report when the DUI was extremely flimsy and I'm not surprised the charge fell through. Such is life. 
 

Going forward, I would just attend the 12-step meeting this director wants you to, whether or not you agree, and refrain from any further protestation that you don't have an addiction. Just do what he says and move on with your life in 5 years. You can attend AA meeting and literally say "pass" every time it's your turn to speak. 
 

I don't say any of this to be mean. I understand how you feel, as I had to do a lot of stuff I found objectionable and frankly against my contract too (I was in a lengthy sobriety court situation for DUI for my legitimate self-admitted addiction). 

[AnnaHill]

Thank you